DH wants to allow DS access to porn

[Wingingit76]

We have 3 teens in the house and currently have parental controls on the Wi-fi set to “light” (can go on social media but cannot access porn, violence, gambling etc). Their iPhones are also set to “limit adult websites” and they have a few other restrictions on them.

My DH now wants to allow them to be able to access porn, he said he can allow a certain website on the parental controls so they can access it. I’m not totally happy about this as I think they are too young to just have unrestricted access to a porn site. We have spoken to all of them about porn and they understand it isn’t a realistic view of a sexual relationship, how they need to understand consent, body images etc, etc.

I am fully aware they have seen stuff on their phones in their group chats and stuff but by allowing a website just makes me feel complicit in all of this.

Phew, got it off my chest now 😫😫

If your ds is messaging random girls and you/your H are worried he’s asking for pictures or worse, then surely your dc need more internet restrictions, plus a shedload more information and education about what is right and legal, as well as moral and ethical, rather than less?!

How on earth does your H think this situation can be improved by relaxing restrictions and encouraging porn?

ewwwwww

I think for 16+ you could take the parental controls off. And as above, having a conversation about internet safety before taking them off. But actively encouraging an under 18 to search for porn is dodgy.

That is so far from ok, I don't know what to say!

So your DH wants to be able to watch porn with impunity and then blame your 14 and 15 year old if you/anyone else finds evidence of it on a device/search?

The 14 yr old is messaging random girls on messenger (he doesn’t have snapchat or instagram) and DH doesn’t want it to go too far. He said he would rather he watched a bit of porn to sending/receiving pics

It's not an either/or situation though is it? And why would you rather replace teenage relationships with porn? Bizarre.

The older one isn’t actually asking for pics or sending them, he is messaging girls (girls at his school but who he doesn’t actually know or their friends) saying hi and what are you up to, but a couple he has asked what they are wearing 😯.

Is this what parenting has come to. Jesus Christ. Why did you even think that you had to ask for advice on this one!!

Everything PPs said. Also get your DH to have a look at the website Your Brain in Porn and in particular read some of the very many accounts of how this modern kind of porn usage, particularly from a young age, damages boys' ability to have a normal sexual relationship with real people. This is a really bad idea!

Your DH is so very wrong I don’t know where to start. Just NO.

My DD is 12 next week, the thought of 14 year old boys looking at her at school in that way as their parents allowed them to watch porn makes me want to cry.

@AnotherEmma thank you for the info about porn being illegal for under 18's.

@Wingingit76, how would you feel if you had tween dd's starting puberty, it is such a very vulnerable age?

WTF is the matter with him?
I saw Jon Ronson interview the owner of porn hub and he said that it didn't bother him that so many young men were impotent as a result of porn addiction as there would soon be a pharmacutical cure. Is this what "d"H wants for his children?

Wanking to trafficked women rather than consensual messaging with a fellow teen discovering their sexuality? Your Husband is showing a weird attitude to sex and relationships.

How about having a chat with your son about what is appropriate to ask a girl?

Your boys are children.
How would we all feel if schools decided to lift restrictions online for yr9 children in schools or youth clubs? That would be a safeguarding issue.

So many problems here!!!

He said he would rather he watched a bit of porn to sending/receiving pics

And he thinks giving his son access to poem and normalising its portrayal of women and sex is going to do that?

He needs to bloody parent and if your 14 yo can't be trusted not to send and ask for inappropriate pictures then he shouldn't have access to the internet full stop. Rewarding the behaviour with access to adult content is mad! It's illegal for a reason.

Your DH has a very messed up idea of what is normal if he thinks that's the right way to handle it. Allowing it would make you complicit. Stick to your guns on this.

I can't believe you'd even consider it. You should have told your DH it is wrong and really fucking weird.

Your DH is a fucking idiot.

This is not ok.

So rather than actually talking this through with his son and discussing how to have conversations with girls, your husband thinks getting him to look at porn is the answer? I'd say he needs to step up his parenting skills big time.

This course of action would make your dh an abuser , maybe point that out to him and suggest some parenting classes 🙄

Speechless.

These boys need a proper talk and some manners

I have teen boys and I definitely do not agree with this. I’ve chatted with mine about the porn industry and about exploitation of women. I would actively discourage it.
I don’t see why porn is a good alternative to sexting at the age of 14. I’d be telling them neither is appropriate.

I really hope this isn’t real .... it’s so weird it can’t be ...

Change the password yourself now so even your husband can’t access to change anything. The report him to police/social services for his idiotic thoughts. Then chat to your children regarding inappropriately messaging others.

It’s not either or with sending/receiving pictures (indecent images of children) or porn.
This is not normal and your husband sounds like a groomer.
Accept your kids for who they are, talk to them, guide them, do not allow your husband to pervert them. They are children.