DH wants to allow DS access to porn

[Wingingit76]

We have 3 teens in the house and currently have parental controls on the Wi-fi set to “light” (can go on social media but cannot access porn, violence, gambling etc). Their iPhones are also set to “limit adult websites” and they have a few other restrictions on them.

My DH now wants to allow them to be able to access porn, he said he can allow a certain website on the parental controls so they can access it. I’m not totally happy about this as I think they are too young to just have unrestricted access to a porn site. We have spoken to all of them about porn and they understand it isn’t a realistic view of a sexual relationship, how they need to understand consent, body images etc, etc.

I am fully aware they have seen stuff on their phones in their group chats and stuff but by allowing a website just makes me feel complicit in all of this.

Phew, got it off my chest now 😫😫

Random girls? As in not people he knows?

That is seriously creepy

The 14 yr old is messaging random girls on messenger (he doesn’t have snapchat or instagram) and DH doesn’t want it to go too far. He said he would rather he watched a bit of porn to sending/receiving pics

I’m sorry....what!?
Your DH sounds off his rocker. This is the most pathetic and nonsensical excuse I’ve ever heard.

Ugh.

I dont mean to sound like an old fuddy duddy - but i think there is a world of difference between porn today and teenagers having copies of playboy magazine under the beds 20 years ago. The issue with access to porn isn't that your children are developing a sexual interest, thats natural altho understandably can feel uncomfortable for parents.

The issue with porn today is the mainstream 'normalisation' of unrealistic body images, violence and degradation towards women and frankly unsafe and unethical practices. I wouldnt want my children thinking that was normal or acceptable.

I think that's giving mixed messages a bit OP - don't message these girls for pics, here's a whole ocean of other pics, these are ok?

If it was my son I think I'd go down the 'don't ask for sex pics from underage girls or you could be arrested' route! But mine are too small for me to worry about this yet...

And yes, your DH sounds massively creepy. Sorry OP.

But how can you even consider this!?

I have told him that “stumbling across it” is completely different to changing the restrictions to allow it. I’m sure it is illegal to allow an under 18 to access porn anyway.

A sane parent would be talking to their child (CHILD) about online safety and the dangers of sharing sexual images. Not offering porn for fuck's sake.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/sexting-sending-nudes/

Gross

"I’m sure it is illegal to allow an under 18 to access porn anyway."
Yes it is, as I said in my post at 11.27. Shared a link too.

😳

If your DH was allowing / tacitly encouraging porn use among your teenagers this could be seen as sexual abusé.

This is horrible.

If your DH is worried about texting going too far then you need to be having a really different - and serious - conversation with your son. Not facilitating his access to images of abuse

No.

You and your "D"H need to have a talk with your 14 yr old to remind him that it is not acceptable to be sexually harassing people. "Messaging random girls"?!? FFS how has he learnt that this is acceptable behaviour?!?

And in light of that, no, do not facilitate an unhealthy approach to sex by allowing him easy access to online porn.

14?! No, just no.

Honestly read that times article OP. I had the most liberal and hedonistic of youths which now seems so innocent compared to this shit. It is fucking up not just all the poor trafficked women involved and the many women who have admitted to being raped or abused on set, but the minds of young men and boys. Imagine having those first thrilling moments of being with another person, akin to skin, and all the exploration and excitement is dulled because the night before you were watching some girl get fisted and taken up the ass by several different men on screen.

This is the reality.

It is a huge, profound, massive social change that we have not even begun to get to grips with.

If your DH was allowing / tacitly encouraging porn use among your teenagers this could be seen as sexual abuse.

If the OP is real, it actually sounds like more than tacit encouragement. It definitely sounds abusive - to both the DC and the OP.

Your son is messaging random girls for photos and your husband wants to reward this behaviour by giving access to porn? Just no, if your son can't behave properly maybe he isn't mature enough to be online

14!!! absolutely bloody not. OP have you ever slept with some is who thinks porn is what real sex is like (which is exactly what will happen if they are easily accessing this age 14) it's grim! Probably setting them up for a lifetime of dysfunction too when it becomes an addiction

Insane and very worrying

Also , well it's totally illegal

Another who agree he wants it for himself.
Perhaps be better taking the conversation with your DC beyond not a real relationship to exploitation and victims. out teen couldn't get film removed

Tbh my 14 yr old is more interested in playing on his Xbox with all his mates and then watching YouTube videos of people playing Xbox than being allowed porn. It is the older one (my stepson) who is trying to watch stuff.

That is some seriously disturbed thinking by your husband. It’s really grim.

Under no circumstances is it ever acceptable to give children access to porn.

I’d also be concerned that your young son thinks it’s okay to ask for sex pics from random girls online. Why does he think that is an acceptable thing to do? But then again your husband clearly sees porn as fine for kids so I can see why your sons thinking is askew.

passed out teen couldn't get film removed from Pornhub