17 year old wants to go to Benidorm

[yellowbird123]

Help please my daughter who is not 18 till August wants to go to Benidorm in July with 3 friends who are already 18. We’ve said no and as you can imagine it’s not going down well ....I feel awful but I cannot overide my gut feelings that it’s not the place for a 17 year old and as a responsible parent she should not be going ...also legally don’t think we can allow it any thoughts comments would be welcome

Your child is an individual. Not a clone of you. Her own thoughts, feelings and experiences. Good luck.

Is this a post A levels, pre university holiday? If so, I think you are being unreasonable. Your daughter will potentially be off to university later in the year and you will have no control over what she does. Not all teenagers are totally irresponsible either.

@yellowbird123 you admit she drinks here at home so why the issue with a holiday? Sounds more like you don’t trust your DD, you obviously allow underage drinking so it’s a bit hypocritical she’s not allowed on holiday. Benidorm fine, Ayia Napa maybe a 2nd thought.
Guardian not prison warden, girls whose parents try and limit them and baby them tend to be the ones that leave home young and go wild.
I’ve actually laughed at pp here, kids need to learn life skills, how to use their judgement, mummy constantly limiting them leads to useless pampered adults.

But here I’m always only a few minutes away and can monitor it not 100s of miles away in a foreign country

So what are you going to do come August? For the sake of 4 weeks loosen up!
Your attitude is ridiculous, stop being so bloody namby pamby, all you’ll do is push her away, I had a ridiculous mother, left school on the Friday and went abroad to a job on the Monday; never been back.
You need to stop being minutes away, let her grow up.

She could choose to go off travelling for a Gap year at this age, then she'd be 1000's of miles away, not 100's. I find it odd that you say you wish to "monitor" your daughter who is virtually an adult. Not sure how this is supporting her to develop life skills or be prepared for her next step to be honest.

Ok I’ll leave it here ...came on for support not to be called names

And I meant monitor the drinking not her

My DDs both went off to school for a term in South Africa when they were 23. Without me! They travelled abroad to see friends: without me. One did a post A level trip at 27 because she was an August baby.

For heavens sake: let her go! Why are you hovering like this? If you have not brought her up to be self sufficient, safe and able to make sensible decisions, that’s your problem and not hers. Talk to her about safety and drinking and drugs. At least have an adult conversation. You cannot keep an eye on her now and it’s time for her to demonstrate she’s an adult (nearly).

Heaven help her at university. Are you going with her?

@yellowbird123 take no notice, most of these posters are just lazy parents feeling threatened by you being a more responsible parent

23??? 13. Just 13. They flew without adults.

Not lazy. Very responsible in that our DC know how to behave responsibly and can go on holiday without us being fearful!

@fringeforever
Allowing your kids to grow up and develop their own judgement and life skills is not lazy parents, it’s raising them to be resilient and independent.
Monitoring a nearly 18 yr old is poor parenting and OP allows her underage DD to drink so not so perfect.
Personally I’d rather have strong independent DD than babied useless adults.

Dress it up any way you like. Saying yes is easy. Saying no is hard. Facilitating your 17 year old going off for a week long bender is giving them a noose to hang themselves with. Ridiculous

It's really not. You just have to see on this thread how many of us did this exact thing at 17. And I'm now a responsible adult. If anything it taught me to know my limits and that sometimes there is to much of a good thing 😂

@fringeforever
What huge difference will 4 wks make until she’s 18? Would you stop her at 18?
That says more about your parenting; that you’ve not brought her up to make good decisions, these are the kids that go mad because their parents make all their choices.
My middle DD21, has been away at uni for 3years and been going abroad since she was 16, hasn’t hung herself yet.

I would absolutely let her go, as others have said, it is a rite of passage, one that most teenagers do these days when they finish school. I know I went and the majority of my friends were still 17 and I would have been devastated if my parents hadn't let me go. Yes we got drunk but we all looked out for each other.

She is about to become an adult, great for her to get this week of independence before starting uni etc. I would say it was more dangerous in freshers week etc as you hadn't really built up good friendships yet so no one really to look out for you/make sure there are people for sharing taxis home etc whereas I assume she has known these friends she would be holidaying with all her school years and they will be close?

I couldn't stop her but I wouldn't facilitate it at just 18 either. By paying for it or by funding other things that frees money up to make these kind of holidays possible you facilitate it. A few months makes a big difference in terms of maturity at this age

@fringeforever
I don’t think 4 weeks will make that huge a difference, stop your nonsense.

@JKScot4 I will carry on with my 'nonsense' thanks and you can carry on yours

OP I think you need to clarify for yourself what your concerns are. On the one had you've said if they were going after her birthday you'd be happy to let her go, so that suggests it's not the drinking/ partying aspect that concerns you.

Then in other posts you say she drinks at home but you're only a few mins away so can monitor her - suggesting it IS the drinking and partying that concerns you.

She's about to go to university. My DC are similar age and I can't imagine trying to stop them from joining their friends on end of school holiday. It's perfectly legal for her to go on holiday to Benidorm or anywhere else.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't worry the whole time they're away but being 17 or 18 won't change the worry factor.

It is a massive worry but you have to let them go, she's nearly 18, a few weeks isn't going to make any difference. Is she paying for it? That's the only leverage you have really.

We've all been there with this age group and you have to wave them off and hope for the best.

As for 'conditioning your child not to like that sort of trip' …. well I'm speechless. Our children aren't mini carbon copies of us, they have different interests and personalities and I've no interest in 'conditioning' them. Rather talk to them and equip them with the knowledge and facts to hopefully have a great holiday. some kids are party animals, some aren't, it's always been that way.

Exactly. She is very nearly 18 - she could go travelling, university, wherever she wants - if you don't trust her to be sensible by now - good luck.