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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 year old wants to go to Benidorm

199 replies

yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Help please my daughter who is not 18 till August wants to go to Benidorm in July with 3 friends who are already 18. We’ve said no and as you can imagine it’s not going down well ....I feel awful but I cannot overide my gut feelings that it’s not the place for a 17 year old and as a responsible parent she should not be going ...also legally don’t think we can allow it any thoughts comments would be welcome

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 07/01/2020 21:39

Yes. I doubt its changed much. I'm assuming that there are still prowling lairy and drunk groups of lads. Or have the masses of English and Irish bars and clubs with cheap alcohol all closed down to be replaced with chi chi cafes and restaurants?

The fact that someone said that there are police patrolling all the time says it all.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 07/01/2020 21:41

I was 17 when I went to Magaluf, 18 when I went to Kavos and 19 when I went to Tenerife.

Why aren't you letting her go?

She's going with friends.

Not every teen holiday ends in tragedy. You need to loosen the cotton wool or they will never experience life.

There were no mobile phones when I went on those holidays and I'm still alive and nothing bad happened on any of them. If you don't trust her to start making her own way she is in more danger of not being able to take care of herself.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 21:48

I was the one that said there were police patrolling in the summer. They are everywhere. The place is clean lovely and has obviously changed, as everywhere has, in 20 years.

Poor Benidorm is completely protecting what you perceive to have been happening 20 years ago this is my whole point.

I used to live in Hackney, dear God I wish I'd bought that flat it would now be worth millions and has an opera house next door.

Yes, there are many, many 'chi chi places to go' and it is not 'crawling with drunk people and Irish Bars Hmm'

Police presence prevents this, like, you know, anywhere in the world.

Good grief.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 21:49

My step-daughter went aged 17 to Ibiza for a week and it's a miracle she came back in one piece, and a good job she was hardly in a fit state to remember much of the horrors she saw

What was miraculous about it? Was she behaving particularly badly? Because millions of teens go there and make it back in once piece. Is it miraculous for all of them too?

TARSCOUT · 07/01/2020 21:53

Better Beniďorm than Shagaluf!

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 21:54

I realise I am a very good mother indeed, judging by some (NOT OP's) reactions here. So many terrible judgements based on generations ago.

Jeez, the world moves on.
Adult DC's can be responsible, now more than ever.
The postcard analogy by PP was excellent. Now we can be in touch 24/7.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 21:56

Shagaluf Grin that's probs changed too!

You would have to be VAIR rich to party in Ibiza these days!

whiteroseredrose · 07/01/2020 22:00

Billie.

Why do they need police everywhere? That's the point.

We go to Moraira regularly as the PIL have a house there. There aren't police everywhere because they aren't needed. They don't appear to be everywhere in Jávea or Calpe either. But for some reason you say that there are police everywhere in Benidorm. Are they expecting trouble?

GinandGingerBeer · 07/01/2020 22:11

From your DD's POV, she's been the youngest in her year all through her education and having
completed her A'levels, being treated the same as the 18 year olds, you're treating her differently for it now. This is possible the only opportunity with this friendship group, no matter how certain they are they'll remain close, things change, evolve and move on once they all go their separate ways.

So I can see her point!

As the mother of a 17y/o ds, I also understand the worry. You're not going to worry any less though once she turns 18 a matter of weeks after. Nobody will check ID, it's nothing like over here.

BlouseAndSkirt · 07/01/2020 22:13

OP, it is so hard letting them spread their wings.

To be honest I think you have had an easy ride so far. I have a summer born and they all went to bloody Reading Festival for 5 days aged 16 after GCSE results . I can tell you I was MUCH happier when Ds went travelling in Europe aged 17, nearly 18, when his friends were 18.

Is she generally sensible? Or as sensible as teens are? She is legally old enough to drive a car (a HUGE legal responsibility), get married (with parental consent)...

I would let her go.

I would worry every day until she was home, I always do, but our worry isn’t always a reason to stop them doing things.

In the end, if she has a passport, gets a plane ticket and goes, I doubt you could stop her. Interpol won’t be interested in a rising 18 yo on holiday.

adviceneededon · 07/01/2020 22:15

It would depend on my child. I went to Benidorm when I was 17 and had a fantastic time. Yes there were drinks, yes we were offered drugs literally on the doorstep of Cafe Benidorm, yes one of us fell and had 3 stitches, but we all came home safe and sound.

I returned to Benidorm when I was 26, and I must say it isn't a place I would think "young uns" would still consider. IMO it's full of 40 somethings on stag/hen dos or just lads/girls holidays. I didn't see many families or people my age-ish. So if she's mature enough to deal with drooling men and topless women riding a bucking bronco, I'm sure she will be fine.

If my 17yo was sensible, had a good team if friends and was generally trustworthy then I think I would let her go. There is a big police presence now in Spain, they don't want the reputation of people being drunk everywhere so bars do have to keep people in line and will ID if they suspect someone to be too drunk.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 22:15

The costa del sol doubles, trebles in size during peak season which is the months of July and August, with holiday makers from all over the world so they up police presence.

The costa del sol has a big tourism industry.

Much like police forces double or triple over New Year in London, or during the Notting Hill Carnival.

Hope that helps.

Stick to Moraira, the house prices there have halved Sad sorry for your DP's

whiteroseredrose · 07/01/2020 22:28

Billie

Are we talking about different places?

Benidorm is on the Costa Blanca, like Calpe and Moraira. The Costa del Sol is much further south with places like Malaga, Marbella and Torremolinos.

Thanks for your concern but no worries about house prices. They bought decades ago.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 22:40

Yes, I know where Benidorm is. I live in Valencia. The whole coast doubles/triples as well you should know. I have a villa there, not inland though, on the sea. Smile You should also know that places change in 20 years, but I imagine you are maybe a little older with that attitude. It is a common one, as I said earlier.

Visitors 20 years ago and men on stag do's are going to be experiencing a completely different experience to a nearly 18 year old and her friends.

I was trying to reassure the OP

Now I must go, you are derailing the thread and it's time for Silent Witness.

I wish you and your parents luck in that lovely part of Spain

More importantly, I wish the OP well and I'm sure, OP, you'll make the right decision for your DD.

BlouseAndSkirt · 07/01/2020 22:54

I travelled to Zante on a Jet2 plane in July and literally couldn't believe my eyes. There was a group of 17 year old girls. The flight was around 10am. They started drinking prosecco or some such and by the time we got there, they could barely walk. And it was 2pm. And they were going to the strip to drink and take whatever and be totally vulnerable

And this automatically means that every single 17 year old will do the same thing?

I was on an Easy Jet flight from Malaga a couple of years ago. 5 middle aged men jumped on the luggage carousel and went round on it mooning at everyone.

Miraculously My middle aged male DH managed not to do the same thing!

ilovepixie · 07/01/2020 22:58

Benidorm is no different to other tourist resorts. There's good parts and bad parts. I would let her go.

Lyricallie · 07/01/2020 23:05

Another person who was 17 for our S6 holiday. We went to Malia. However there was a big group of us (22) and we were going with a mixed group which my mum preferred as she had known all the group since we were 14 and knew we'd all look after each other. This was 10 years ago though. Although I would think benidorm is a bit tamer than Malia/maga/Zante etc which is where our groups went.

katewhinesalot · 07/01/2020 23:08

It's one month before she's legally an adult and can take no notice of you anyway. Is this the hill you want to die on?

anon2000000000 · 07/01/2020 23:16

They won't ask for ID over there.

LotteLupin · 08/01/2020 09:05

Ha I knew there would be strong objections.

Ok: my point is: if a 17 year old is totally blotto, anything could happen to her.

I don't think letting a very young, fledgling adult go off and do that is either safe or good for her. I hate the alcohol culture here and I think it's responsible for a lot of awful stuff happening. I don't think you have to be off your head to have a good time - kind of quite the opposite.

That's why in answer to OP I said no I wouldn't let her go.

LotteLupin · 08/01/2020 09:06

Oh and look what happened in Aghia Napa. Not the same country and I think probably much more dangerous over there, but still. That's the kind of thing that happens.

LotteLupin · 08/01/2020 09:10

Jakinabox yes this does happen every night in every university town and it's horrible. Thankfully my son himself saw reason and after a term of it told me it was bollocks and he'd never get a degree if he did that, and then stepped back from it for the rest of his time at uni.

Ultimately our kids are only as protected as we have made them.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/01/2020 09:17

I bloody love benidorm! I went to Gran Canaria from 17 onwards and had a great time although if ds said he wanted to go abroad at 17 I'd shit myself with worry so I totally get it.

20viona · 08/01/2020 09:18

They never ask for ID in Benidorm and she can fly there aged 17. I don't see the problem.

BlouseAndSkirt · 08/01/2020 09:29

Lotte: yes we know. But not every 17 yo dies this. Mine had occasionally got drunk but has had it drilled into them by me to drink slowly so that you know when to stop and it doesn’t overtake you. My teens and their friends know that if one of them does go too far an get blotto, that on no circumstances do they leave that person or allow them to leave with a ‘new friend’.

They have out this advice into action when needed.

It all depends in the teen, their friends and the approach they take to alcohol.

They don’t just all automatically get blotto.

I was a party wild child for a while, smoked weed, sometimes took coke. Risky behaviour. But never once was so incapacitated that I couldn’t walk properly, talk coherently or lost consciousness. None of my friends ever did that on holiday either.