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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

17 year old wants to go to Benidorm

199 replies

yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Help please my daughter who is not 18 till August wants to go to Benidorm in July with 3 friends who are already 18. We’ve said no and as you can imagine it’s not going down well ....I feel awful but I cannot overide my gut feelings that it’s not the place for a 17 year old and as a responsible parent she should not be going ...also legally don’t think we can allow it any thoughts comments would be welcome

OP posts:
yellowbird123 · 08/01/2020 09:33

Oh god I’m
Non the wiser just feel like the worst mom in the world ...thanks for all your in put guys it’s put a lot of things into perspective

OP posts:
stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 08/01/2020 09:35

Lotte she's 17 and paying. You could say no and she could still say she's still going. You wouldn't really have any power.

BlouseAndSkirt · 08/01/2020 09:45

I would let her go but put your energy into equipping and enabling her to stay safe and make good decisions.

fringeforever · 08/01/2020 09:47

@yellowbird123 I haven't read all the posts but I'd do everything in my power to stop her going. If she's paying for it herself I'd be pulling all other funding from her, mobile phone, lunch money, anything you can think of. If she can afford to go to Benidorm she can afford to start paying rent. If she's not driving yet, could you offer to pay for driving lessons as an incentive for not going? Or stop paying for them if she continues to want to go

irregularegular · 08/01/2020 09:51

I think a post A-level sun and fun holiday with friends is a perfectly normal thing to do. I'd be talking through plans with her and discussing safety, but I would't be trying to ban her from doing it.

Having said that, I have to confess that I am pleased that after discussing various options (involving larger groups and more clubbing) that my daughter has now decided to go interrailing with just two other friends. And I am willing to give her more money towards this than towards the other options she talked about, because I think it is more worthwhile.

But I never tried to stop her going to Spain,

IdblowJonSnow · 08/01/2020 09:57

Is she sensible?
I went with 5 friends when I was 22. There were a few nights we drank all night and I got into a state several times. This was in the new part of Benidorm, not the old. We went into some very dodgy bars where some women went up and gave blow jobs to some male strippers. It was truly shocking. This was late 90s, no idea what it's like these days.
I wouldnt let my DDs go but tbh that's based on what a nightmare I was back in the day.
If your dd is sensible and has lovely, trustworthy friends and not ever done anything too daft then maybe?

titchy · 08/01/2020 10:24

my daughter has now decided to go interrailing with just two other friends.

You'd prefer rail sleeper carriages and back packer hostels in an unfamiliar place every night to a cheap hotel in one place Shock

Wink

I haven't read all the posts but I'd do everything in my power to stop her going. If she's paying for it herself I'd be pulling all other funding from her, mobile phone, lunch money, anything you can think of. If she can afford to go to Benidorm she can afford to start paying rent. If she's not driving yet, could you offer to pay for driving lessons as an incentive for not going? Or stop paying for them if she continues to want to go

How utterly nasty of you. Presumably your offspring will never leave home either.

Juanmorebeer · 08/01/2020 10:32

Tell them to go to somehwhere where the drinking age is lower, such as Italy, or wait until her birthday to travel.

Although if it is start of July they are planning I see why as cost wise it will be way cheaper.

Otherwise look at Sept in the bit when schools have gone back but uni terms not started yet?

fringeforever · 08/01/2020 10:34

@titchy it's not nasty it's called parenting not just taking the easy way out by giving them everything they want. These women on here saying they'd just let their daughter go are the same ones that probably dump their kids on all and sundry to go off on boozy holidays themselves. 17 is too young for this kind of holiday

JKScot4 · 08/01/2020 10:35

I love MN, banning 17 yr olds from doing things 🤣🤣 Can you not trust your DDs judgement, you do know she’ll have drank by now

yellowbird123 · 08/01/2020 10:38

I thought we were their guardian until 18 and had to keep their best interests at heart ...would you allow a 17 year old go clubbing in the uk do see why I should have a different stance in Spain

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 08/01/2020 10:40

Op if you think your 17 year old daughter isn't drinking you need your head read.
Let her go love her. I'd hate my. Parents at 17, one month away from 18 and them acting like you. How on earth are you going to cope when she moves away to uni?

yellowbird123 · 08/01/2020 10:41

Yes of course she’s drank picked her up from many a party holidayed in UK with friends stayed away in many occasions was planning to have a nice family meal on 18th followed by clubbing with friends this has just thrown me ...

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 08/01/2020 10:47

Fringe, you are being ridiculous and manipulative ffs she's nearly 18 not 8

MaryleboneSt · 08/01/2020 10:57

Surely her being 17 is completely irrelevant. They serve anyone over the age of about 15 out there. The resort might be a bit shit but it's a right of passage for and of 6th form, whether Benidorm, Canaries, Greece etc. She'll go anyway regardless. Better for her to go with your blessing than feeling resentful and furious with you.

What's FAR more important is you have a mature open conversation about boundaries before she goes. So agree some rules about stuff like staying with her group, never going anywhere without one of her friends at night. Not going back to a guys room alone. Looking after each other in the group, if one person is really drunk everyone helps them home, drinking water, safe sex etc etc.

BillieEilish · 08/01/2020 10:59

OP my last point is... the drunken 'Benidorm' reputation is only from the Brits.

I presume she'd be with these same Brits drinking in the UK?

Spanish teenagers are so much less into alcohol and much more into sport. The difference is eye opening. They don't really go to bars. Only for coffee or fanta.

Benidorm is beautiful with a few fish and chip type pubs (I actually went to one so DD could have proper English chips with malt vinegar)
And the boozy 'strip' with tourists and stag do's/hen do's are, who can't get over how cheap booze is and do a pub crawl.

The only reason they went Sad and one that is giving this reputation.

They also have 'tapas alley' which is absolutely amazing! Seriously incredible little stand up bars with delicious tapas. You just have a small beer (tiny, like half a half) and a lovely tapa, and on you go...
Great fun.

The old town and bit between the only thing you need to worry about are about a million waffle selling places. The smell of sweet waffles was a bit much. Good shops, Zara, Mango etc and Tiger, which is where I had to go for squashies/squishes or something!

They were charming in the English bar, really lovely and DD loved it.

I want to go now! I honestly am going to look at at few nights at Easter I think Grin

The beach is a blue flag awarded European beach, it is incredible. So clean!

Last thing... beginning of July will really not have as many tourists. Mid August will be heaving!

fringeforever · 08/01/2020 11:00

She's not 18 and she lives under OPs roof. 17 is not an adult. I work with this age group and they don't make sensible decisions. The prefrontal cortex is still developing up to the age of 25 so at 17 it is nowhere near. Add in a weeks worth of alcohol on a boozy holiday you have a recipe for disaster. Kids shouldn't have it all ways, living at home and enjoying the luxury of no responsibilities and being encouraged to enjoy the independence of holidays. There's also a big difference between drinking in a night club in the uk and returning home where op can see if she's had too much and keep an eye on her. Abroad who's going to put her on her side and look after her if she drinks too much? She could choke on her own vomit ffs

BillieEilish · 08/01/2020 11:04

Has DD said she is going on a drinking holiday OP?

Or to get some sun and relax at the end of her exams and have fun with her friends?

If she has said it is a drinking holiday she shouldn't go anywhere. What are her friends like?

Agree with many PP's it is how you educate her before she goes that counts.

yellowbird123 · 08/01/2020 11:06

Definitely a party holiday

OP posts:
stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 08/01/2020 11:12

OP. The only reason I wouldn't allow my 17 year old to go clubbing is because of the affect it could have on the licensee. They could lose their jobs, face a fine etc.

I would absolutely allow my 17 year old to go to a house party, I would supply them with alcohol etc.

BillieEilish · 08/01/2020 11:12

I think you are worried about DD and her friends, not Benidorm.

If it is Benidorm itself I can categorically tell you it is as fine infact safer, than anywhere else 100%

If it is the group of girls themselves, then I totally understand your worry.

Young English girls also dress VERY differently to young Spanish girls, it is not particularly approved of.

fishonabicycle · 08/01/2020 11:15

An end of a level trip with her friends? Of course she should gob(unless you have any other reason for stopping her - previous stupid/bad behaviour). Poor girl - all her friends are going and she isn't allowed.

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 08/01/2020 11:16

Fringe a school friend of mine had a mother with an attitude like yours.

She moved out to Uni at 18 and never went back home. She doesn't have a relationship with her mother now and she's never met her children. Her mother has asked but she said that she didn't want somebody that controlling and manipulative to have any influence over her life.

yellowbird123 · 08/01/2020 11:21

Can we mention dad too he also doesn’t want her to go not just me

OP posts:
fringeforever · 08/01/2020 11:22

@stilldoesntknowwhatshappening my mother took care of me and had similar ideas. She's my best friend thanks. I'll take my chances and know that I've done my best to keep my own daughter safe