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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 year old wants to go to Benidorm

199 replies

yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Help please my daughter who is not 18 till August wants to go to Benidorm in July with 3 friends who are already 18. We’ve said no and as you can imagine it’s not going down well ....I feel awful but I cannot overide my gut feelings that it’s not the place for a 17 year old and as a responsible parent she should not be going ...also legally don’t think we can allow it any thoughts comments would be welcome

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 20:59

Yes, the pharmacies are great, MAP, antibiotics, anti everything, HRT Grin all OTC

Spacedust1 · 07/01/2020 21:02

If she checked in with you with a video call on WhatsApp each eve would that reassure you? What if she agrees not to break the law? As breaking the law in a country elsewhere is just not a sensible idea. Difficult dilemma but I'd be tempted to find a way for her to go where you feel reassured

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 21:03

Thanks all for your input didn’t mean to offend anyone or anyplace ...it’s really opened my eyes ...thanks folks and I will always make sure I’ve been somewhere before I make a comment...I should of known better as live in what’s regarding usually as one of the worst places in the UK

OP posts:
ConfCall · 07/01/2020 21:05

My concern is that she’ll miss out on what (for many) is a rite of passage and will resent you for it. And at her age, it’s not like saying “no” to a young child who wants to play an unsuitable Xbox game, who’ll be stroppy briefly and then forget it - she’ll soon be off to university, she may feel very glad to leave you behind, and it may impact your relationship and the amount of time she comes home. I don’t want to sound dramatic (although reading it back, I suppose I do!) but I think that it could backfire. And I’m not sure you can stop her anyway, really.

pontiouspilates · 07/01/2020 21:06

Do check as certain parts of Spain have a legal drinking age of 16 (as my DD found out to her delight!)

LotteLupin · 07/01/2020 21:08

Look, you have to consider the reality of the strip in Benidorm. She would be exposed to cheap/possibly illegal alcohol, all sorts of recreational drugs, and extreme behaviour. I don't think it's a question of her nearly being 18 and legality. Do you want your daughter to be doing this? She might get hurt. Might fall over when drunk or off her head. Might have sex with one or more strangers. Might get into some awful argument. So many bad things might happen.

People will probably say I'm being over the top and what the hell and oh don't think like that. But I travelled to Zante on a Jet2 plane in July and literally couldn't believe my eyes. There was a group of 17 year old girls. The flight was around 10am. They started drinking prosecco or some such and by the time we got there, they could barely walk. And it was 2pm. And they were going to the strip to drink and take whatever and be totally vulnerable.

My 11 year old daughter was with me and she was shocked. I was glad. There's no way on Earth I want that kind of life/holiday/behaviour for my kid. They are sooooo vulnerable when drunk. My step-daughter went aged 17 to Ibiza for a week and it's a miracle she came back in one piece, and a good job she was hardly in a fit state to remember much of the horrors she saw.

Children need to be conditioned from toddlers not to want this kind of experience. It's not nice. You're totally right. You have to draw her in really close, use your bond with her, and just go head-to-head with the peer pressure. She loves her friends. She's almost free to do what she wants. But this is a bad idea and she's too young. No. Just no. Let her be upset. When she's 40 she'll understand.

WatcherintheRye · 07/01/2020 21:08

What if she agrees not to break the law? As breaking the law in a country elsewhere is just not a sensible idea

She won't be breaking the law. The licensees would be breaking the law.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 21:09

yellowbird you haven't offended anybody. Your worry will be mie in a few short years Flowers

Good Luck

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 21:09

Do you trust her OP? Is she generally quite sensible?

Both my children have autism so wouldn't be holidaying without a parent but I think I would struggle to say no to this. I'd be worried sick of course but I think I would allow it. Spain is lovely, even the supposed "Brits Abroad" places. We've been all over the world and the place my children always prefer to go is a small town on the Costa Del Sol. Amazing food, clean hotel with fab pools and facilities, beautiful beaches, authentic old town etc.

I was working full time at age 17 and I was a bit of a party animal but was generally trustworthy and able to pace myself. If she's the same I think I'd let her go.

LotteLupin · 07/01/2020 21:10

Also not great to be regarded as a young English whore. The way English girls are regarded in these holiday spots is just heartbreaking. They are seen as the lowest of the low. And treated as such. Look at Aghia Napa. Omg.

LotteLupin · 07/01/2020 21:11

(sorry - I hate the wh word and would hardly ever use it - but that is how these British teens are seen : (

titchy · 07/01/2020 21:13

Look, you have to consider the reality of the strip in Benidorm. She would be exposed to cheap/possibly illegal alcohol, all sorts of recreational drugs, and extreme behaviour

Sounds like Freshers week. Maybe she shouldn't go to university, just to be on the safe side.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/01/2020 21:13

She would be exposed to cheap/possibly illegal alcohol, all sorts of recreational drugs, and extreme behaviour

All of which she would also be exposed to on a night out in the nearest city.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 21:18

He's loves an abroad lads holiday but said that if he ever set foot there again it would be too soon. Filthy, dirty, disgusting place

Why was he going to such horrible places? It's not all like that, not even most of it. Mostly it's lovely with an area of bars and clubs that are geared towards drunk foreigners. Why did he choose to go there and not the nicer places I wonder? 🤔

jakinaboxx · 07/01/2020 21:19

@LotteLupin everything you have listed happens on nights out in every town and city, and at every university

whiteroseredrose · 07/01/2020 21:20

It's a tricky one. DD and friends are talking about going away post A levels next year. They'll all be 18. I don't have a problem with DD having a drink - she drank beer with us in Germany at 16. I'm not keen on the idea of a "Brits abroad" party place though. Apart from one night I've managed to get to 55 and have avoided them.

(We had one night in Benidorm when we went away with friends pre DC and it was awful. Lots of groups of drunks prowling around. Lairy and vomiting. It was 20 years ago but I doubt it's changed that much. Yes the old (Spanish) bit is pretty but there was a lot of grot.)

There are lovely places to go in Spain but it looks like your DD's friends are fixated on going to Benidorm. Depending on what her friends are like I'd probably give my consent. If they're a sensible lot I'd be fine with it. Check that your DD knows how to deal with dodgy situations.

woodlands01 · 07/01/2020 21:20

My daughter and her friends stayed a week with us in Calpe and had several all nighter trips to Benidorm celebrating their a-level results. All used to nightclubs in Swindon!!! All 18. The one who was 17 not allowed to go. They were not asked for ID once, ALWAYS asked in Swindon. First trip a bit of an eye opener but they were a sensible group who had been exposed to drinking and clubbing and we knew they would look out for each other. Also we were half an hour away if a major problem. I really don't know what I would do with a 17 year old and I am not over protective at all. I suppose I would worry about the fact they had not been exposed to the whole clubbing thing and it would depend on the sensibility of the group she was with.

Bluerussian · 07/01/2020 21:20

Suggest she goes somewhere else, nice and wholesome, like Ibiza ;-).
St Just in Cornwall is a cool place for teens.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 21:22

YOU DOUBT IT'S CHANGED MUCH IN 20 YEARS

No words.

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 07/01/2020 21:22

And it very well may have been Filthy, dirty and disgusting. You don't know.

I've stayed in hotels and places I would describe as exactly that.

They didn't say the people were filthy, dirty and disgusting. So no it's not xenophobia.

Juliette20 · 07/01/2020 21:23

I went on a girls holiday between sixth form and university and we had a whale of a time. This was mainland Spain as well. I really think they would be fine if they are sensible and look out for one another. There were definitely dodgy blokes around but I wouldn't stop my DDs going when they are old enough. The worst thing that happened was my friend cut her finger chopping something up on the first night, but it was quite minor in the end, it looked worse than it was.

It's so different from when I went, it was pre mobile phones and my mum didn't hear from me for two weeks. The postcard arrived when I did! Also we only had traveller's cheques and had to be really sensible with money. So much easier now with cards. We all saved up and paid for it from our Saturday jobs.

moodolph · 07/01/2020 21:26

I agree @3of50BookChallenge2020done

I went to magaluf age 17 with three other friends. One of our group was not allowed to go.

I asked my mum years later why I was. She said because she knew me. The friend that was not allowed to go, the wildest of us all. Always the centre of the trouble, always went beyond her limits. I asked mum why she didn't go, she agreed she wouldn't have agreed if I was her. She said she had spoken to her mum and length and both fully supported the others decision regarding each other.

As it was I got a superb tan, went to a few pubs and enjoyed the sunshine. Saw some shocking sights, parents arriving in tears to sit by a hospital bed being one. I think mum was right though, I knew my limits and was never a risk.

WatcherintheRye · 07/01/2020 21:30

She would be exposed to cheap/possibly illegal alcohol, all sorts of recreational drugs, and extreme behaviour. I don't think it's a question of her nearly being 18 and legality. Do you want your daughter to be doing this? She might get hurt. Might fall over when drunk or off her head. Might have sex with one or more strangers. Might get into some awful argument. So many bad things might happen.

Goodness - talk about catastrophising! All of the above is also likely to happen at any university's freshers week. Much as you might wish to, you cannot protect your nearly adult children from ever encountering risks in life, nor would it be doing them any favours. The only way to learn about dealing with potential risks is by dealing with potential risks.

Ronnie27 · 07/01/2020 21:32

I went to Magaluf after my A Levels when I was 17 with my school friends who had already turned 18. It was absolutely a Brits Abroad kind of holiday and we did go out and we did drink but to be fair we were all fairly sensible girls, already used to nights out at home so there was no big mystery or novelty or cause to rebel against for us.

None of us had sex with strangers or got too drunk or took drugs or got arrested. Most of our year group was there at the same time as us actually!

You know your daughter and whether she is trustworthy. She will feel as though she is missing out massively if she isn’t allowed to go as her friends will be talking about nothing else. Obviously you’re going to worry about her but for the sake of a month I’d weigh up whether this is a hill worth dying on. She can just up and go of her own accord in August, will she really be any more mature then?

RamonaFlower · 07/01/2020 21:34

And it very well may have been Filthy, dirty and disgusting. You don't know.

I do know. And it's not. Because I've actually been. Unlike that poster. (And, from the sound of it, yourself).

One or two hotels? Possibly. But the entire place? No.