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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 year old wants to go to Benidorm

199 replies

yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Help please my daughter who is not 18 till August wants to go to Benidorm in July with 3 friends who are already 18. We’ve said no and as you can imagine it’s not going down well ....I feel awful but I cannot overide my gut feelings that it’s not the place for a 17 year old and as a responsible parent she should not be going ...also legally don’t think we can allow it any thoughts comments would be welcome

OP posts:
titchy · 07/01/2020 19:52

a country where raping an unconscious teenager isn't considered rape.

The U.K. is hardly a shining example of a judiciary supportive of the rape victim Hmm

That said she categorically needs to be aware of the laws and how to stay safe, but I assume you've had many many conversations about keeping safe anyway. Given she'll be going to pubs and clubs soon.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 19:53

I live in Spain, in Valencia and took my DD (10) last year. Let me tell you all quite clearly, the police presence here and response time and care and attention to detail is second to none.

There are so many derogatory comments about Spain at the moment. Compared to the UK the NHS and police equivalent is far superior. She will be extremely safe IMO.

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 19:54

All paying for themselves but offered to pay the difference between July and aug still no go ....seems a 50/50 on here all your points were true and valid I went abroad under 18 with mates 30 years ago but it’s different when you look at your kids ..

OP posts:
Thestrangestthing · 07/01/2020 19:55

When I had just turned 18 and my friends were still 17, they all went on a holiday to benidorm. I was 9 months pregnant and by the time they came back I had a baby. Some of the stories they told me about that holiday made me think, I would rather have been squeezing out a 9 pound baby than on that holiday with them, and I was a wild child. The things they told me were just dangerous.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 19:55

I blame that ridiculous programme Benidorm. The UK or London isn't like Albert square is it?

FlorenceKettle · 07/01/2020 19:56

Depends. What do they like to do together? Are they sensible girls? Is it a drink and shagging fest?

You know your own daughter. Mine is 21 and I did allow a trip to Mykonos one month before her 18th. It was with one friend who was very into saving the whale and turtles and loved photography. Tee total. So, after some discussion - and because my daughter is sensible, I said yes

Would I have agreed to Benidorm ? Probably not. But I'd be open to a discussion about it depending on the factors in my opening line

titchy · 07/01/2020 19:56

but it’s different when you look at your kids ..

And your parents probably felt the same! But you still went...

Greedycushionhoarder2 · 07/01/2020 19:58

My daughter went to Tenerife at 17 with her two male friends who she has known since nursery, they had a fantastic holiday which she still talks about ten years later, it really depends on her maturity and if you think her friends would look out for her or drop her if she didn't get into clubs etc.

titchy · 07/01/2020 19:58

OP do you recognise that you actually have no say? She doesn't need your permission.

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 19:59

We’ve been gearing up to the 18 thing house parties travelling to uni open days alone ...they were going to go to first club on 18th bday but this has thrown a complete curve ball

OP posts:
NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 07/01/2020 19:59

Is she off to uni/college in the September? Why would you stop her? Both of mine have/will be going on holiday with friends after A’levels. A couple were not quite 18. No issues at all- they had a lovely time. Spain is a safe a country as any other and not too far away. In a couple off months she could be living and flying anywhere she wants WITHOUT your permission. Do you want to be that mum?

sameasiteverwasantiques · 07/01/2020 19:59

I was 16 when I went on my first girls holiday abroad to Magaluf but that was nearly 20 years ago lol. A month before her 18th birthday and you won't let her go on holiday? She is practically an adult. She may not be able to drink but I would still let her go.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 20:00

Of course it's different when it's your DD OP

I wouldn't want my DD going to Madrid or London for the weekend from where we live! But we have to let them go, I think.

Benidorm is far safer than London, I assure you. I July much more so even, August, if you are worried, would potentially be more packed and 'worse'.

The streets are patrolled by police when Brits turn up anyway, promise. It's on the news here all the time. We do not have a good reputation here at all.

Ironic.

I went to the best Tapas Bar ever with DD, and I have lived here 15 years!

8paws8legs · 07/01/2020 20:00

Just a question for the ones saying not a chance, why is that? A few weeks later and you cant stop them even if you wanted to?

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 20:02

But she is going to drink that’s the problem

OP posts:
Soen · 07/01/2020 20:03

I went to Faliraki ar 17 with mates who were older. My mum trusted me not to get trashed and to be fair the only time I did get wasted was in the hotel room with mates. Other than that we just had a good time.

I would talk to her first and assuming she's sensible I would let her go.

Parky04 · 07/01/2020 20:03

My DS and his 6 mates are not going away until the last one of them is 18 (August). They haven't even been to bars yet as they all want to go together.

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 20:04

That was what I was hoping for

OP posts:
sameasiteverwasantiques · 07/01/2020 20:05

Of course she's going to drink. I bet she drinks at home with her friends too! Do you trust her?

Spoonsmum · 07/01/2020 20:06

I’m conflicted. At 17 I went on a post a level jolly with my friends to magaluf (2 of us out of 7 were still 17)
My mum let me go, I used the savings I had and some from my mum. We had a great time, no id was ever asked for. Nothing terrible happened I don’t even think I got properly drunk it was just a fun holiday.
I’d hesitate if my daughter now asked me the same which is a bit hypocritical BUT I know that being asked for id is now much more common than it used to be, so that side of it would worry me.
If they are a tight group of sensible friends then the actual holiday itself wouldn’t bother me too much. I think giving teens responsibility makes them more responsible. She’s nearly 18 so apart from the legal side of things I would let her go if the funds are available

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 20:07

Yes but I don’t want her to be seen to be breaking the law as the drinking age in Spain is 18 ...

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 20:08

OP the people who run bars are so vigilant if someone is drunk.

She would be looked after should the worst happen and she gets blotto! They are liable.

Taxis are cheap safe and registered, it is really close to Alicante airport. There are many historic beautiful things to see and do, great water parks which they would love, I would imagine! (I was so surprised, I have to admit, there is SO much more to Benidorm that what you see on the news and it is simply lovely and safe!)

Clymene · 07/01/2020 20:08

@titchy - the law in Spain explicitly states that you can't rape an unconscious child.

Spanish anger as five men acquitted of gang-raping teenager www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-50257922

While there is limited chance for successful prosecution in the U.K. I would not want a drunk teenage girl going to Spain.

And I like Spain. But I'm not a drunk teenager.

BillieEilish · 07/01/2020 20:09

She won't be asked for ID unless drunk

Original poster
yellowbird123 · 07/01/2020 20:10

Sounds fab ....such a dilemma ...

OP posts: