Thread three: holding on to the end of the rope, life in the bunker with the PoTs, where parenting a teen is adversely affecting your mental health

[Pegsinarow]

Thread one here.

Thread two here.

With thanks once more to Billybagpuss for inspiration for the title and to Ticklingcheese and many other parents of teens who are emerging from the worst, or currently going through it, this is a support thread for parents who are being driven to despair by their teens. It is a continuation of two previous threads where many of us clubbed together to exchange experiences, possible strategies and understanding of what can be a very draining, isolating and distressing time for all!

Special thanks also to McMen05 who has kept this thread running smoothly and welcomed and responded to many newcomers and returnees this summer

And thanks again to Godmother for our "club" name: the PoTs!

Several helpful things emerged from the previous threads. First, so many of us are experiencing the same challenges or extraordinarily similar behaviour from our teens, in all sorts of different households and circumstances, that it can't all be down to poor parenting, despite what a tiny fraction of posters tried to tell us! So, whilst acknowledging our own mistakes and less than perfect parenting, and trying to find solutions and expert guidance, we also need to try and ditch the guilt and feelings of failure.

Also , it is evident there isn't as much state help available for teens as required, CAMHS for example is very over-stretched and under-resourced.

It was suggested by some posters that distancing ourselves from the very personal remarks and being slightly less "available" can be helpful and Tarragonsauce said that picking our battles, addressing our own symptoms, keeping in mind (with reference to school non-attendance, exam failure, bf issues) that there is more than one way to skin a cat, and remembering that "this too shall pass" can be helpful strategies.

Daintytoes explained an extremely helpful model of parent-child interaction in thread one at 07/04/2019 23:O6 .

Finally, remember that people don't tend to talk about their tortuous times with their teens because of shame, weariness, bewilderment and fear of being misunderstood or judged, but trust me, you are NOT alone! So last but definitely not least, thank you to each and every contributor to the first and second thread. PoTs tend to arrive on the thread feeling quite raw and demoralised but depite their own distress, they help other parents and it's great to be able to share the angst.

Tin hats on everybody for round three!

_

And finally, here is the original letter posted by BillyBagpuss on the first thread:

Dear Parent:

This is the letter that I wish I could write.

This fight we are in right now. I need it. I need this fight. I can’t tell you this because I don’t have the language for it and it wouldn’t make senslee anyway. But I need this fight. Badly. I need to hate you right now and I need you to survive it. I need you to survive my hating you and you hating me. I need this fight even though I hate it too. It doesn’t matter what this fight is even about: curfew, homework, laundry, my messy room, going out, staying in, leaving, not leaving, boyfriend, girlfriend, no friends, bad friends. It doesn’t matter. I need to fight you on it and I need you to fight me back.

I desperately need you to hold the other end of the rope. To hang on tightly while I thrash on the other end—while I find the handholds and footholds in this new world I feel like I am in. I used to know who I was, who you were, who we were. But right now I don’t. Right now I am looking for my edges and I can sometimes only find them when I am pulling on you. When I push everything I used to know to its edge. Then I feel like I exist and for a minute I can breathe. I know you long for the sweeter kid that I was. I know this because I long for that kid too, and some of that longing is what is so painful for me right now.

I need this fight and I need to see that no matter how bad or big my feelings are—they won’t destroy you or me. I need you to love me even at my worst, even when it looks like I don’t love you. I need you to love yourself and me for the both of us right now. I know it sucks to be disliked and labeled the bad guy. I feel the same way on the inside, but I need you to tolerate it and get other grownups to help you. Because I can’t right now. If you want to get all of your grown up friends together and have a ‘surviving-your-teenager-support-group-rage-fest’ that’s fine with me. Or talk about me behind my back--I don’t care. Just don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on this fight. I need it.

This is the fight that will teach me that my shadow is not bigger than my light. This is the fight that will teach me that bad feelings don’t mean the end of a relationship. This is the fight that will teach me how to listen to myself, even when it might disappoint others.

And this particular fight will end. Like any storm, it will blow over. And I will forget and you will forget. And then it will come back. And I will need you to hang on to the rope again. I will need this over and over for years.

I know there is nothing inherently satisfying in this job for you. I know I will likely never thank you for it or even acknowledge your side of it. In fact I will probably criticize you for all this hard work. It will seem like nothing you do will be enough. And yet, I am relying entirely on your ability to stay in this fight. No matter how much I argue. No matter how much I sulk. No matter how silent I get.

Please hang on to the other end of the rope. And know that you are doing the most important job that anyone could possibly be doing for me right now.

Love, Your Teenager

_

Hello everyone. Really sorry to have been awol and to have taken so long to respond to newcomers to the thread. I have guests staying renovation work is still ongoing. Not a good combo!

I hope all longstanding PoTs are ok. Like McMen I hope this thread has gone quiet because everyone is enduring less stress. On the other hand, if you need to vent, remember you are always welcome to do so here!

I nearly posted last Sunday. DD, having been a lot calmer of late, kicked off over something absolutely minute and ridiculous and she was so angry over this insignificant thing that I honestly thought she was going to have a stroke or faint or some such. I was so surprised because it came totally out-of-the-blue and was of course, absolutely nothing to do with the insignificant thing, but had everything to do with (her perception) of not being heard, of being patronised (apparently) and her feelings not being taken in to account (when I thought we had bent over backwards to organise the weekend in a way that suited her). She was also dumping a load of academic stress in to our laps at the same time. I felt really torn in the middle of the maelstrom, because on the one side I could understand and sympathise with what she was saying, and on the other side I was deeply offended and hurt and outraged by the name-calling, and the loudness and visciousness of her verbal attack. It took about three rounds of her flouncing off and coming back and talking to us, which inevitably descended in to a row, before she could actually talk to us normally and we agreed on a strategy we could all follow (not without dh and me falling out first which didn't help though!) . So we all ended up going out and I had to firmly shelve any seething resentment I had left over from the exchange and pretend I was happy with the outcome as moving on was the best thing to do at the time for everyone. The entire weekend had been ruined though. Thankfully, aside from a few minor spats, things have been fairly calm since then, but still walking on eggshells a bit here ... .

DD however did (eventually - and after two days had been ruined by stress!) apologise very sincerely to me and voluntarily said that her choice of language was "inappropriate and out of order" so that's a definite step in the right direction I suppose! It's a small glimmer of hope that keeps me hanging on in there anyway.

Hope half term is going ok Aramox [fingers and toes crossed for you]. The mantras of "I hate you" "you are nothing to me" and worse do really, really get you down, especially when said repeatedly with contempt and venom

Gettingropeburns I'll try and research that guy's name - sorry to take so long to get back to you - dd displays a lot of impulsive behavour here; it's so hard to get them to listen and slow down.

Keep strong over the playstation issue Theendofthesummer hang in there

I tend not to get involved in the ins and outs of bf issues McMen so can't offer much advice there (although sometimes very difficult to avoid I know when they drag you in to it!). Sometimes, I think, teens lie because they primarily want to preserve their own autonomy and privacy, not necessarily because they are doing something wrong (although they do that too). Very difficult to separate one from the other! I think your response about the bf potentially lying was spot on though!

Crikey Teenplustwenties it sounds as if your dd has really been in the wars recently (and you with her) Has anything in particularly triggered any of this behaviour?

That sounds really tough going mrsh1807 particularly as a single parent to three lads . It definitely sounds as if he is pushing boundaries and testing limits. The physical aggression and manipulation sounds particularly hard. Social services, if they have any sense, will presumably see the lie of the land pretty quickly and offer you some support. In answer to your question about giving up parenting him as any dispute ends in a fight; personally (although I am no expert at all in this) I don't think you should. I think it is better to try and hold on to the end of the rope, however, hard and difficult it gets. He may, in a strange sort of way, want you to do this. None of it is easy though so I really, really sympathise. The domineering behaviour you describe sounds really awful Keep posting if it helps.

Welcome Hunibee84 no experience of your situation but that does sound terribly hard, especially when your ex is being particularly uncooperative and is undermining your parenting by the sound of things. I agree with McMen though inasmuch as you have to give them their head at that age. Your son may soon come to realise that the grass isn't always greener with your ex but he has to discover that for himself perhaps. Very difficult when it involves something as fundamental as a change of school though. You must be very worried. And justifiably furious with your ex I imagine too.

Welcome oldstripey crikey you have so much on your plate all at once . I'm so sorry your dd had to go through cancer diagnosis and treatment; that must have taken a terrible toll on you all, despite your dd being fine now. I've no experience with autism either but I imagine that brings different challenges. I think most people in your shoes would be struggling tbh so I would give yourself a pat on the back just getting to the end of the day, despite any meltdowns caused by your ds1. He is reacting to all the stress, and claiming attention for himself just as a toddler would in some ways. I think you might just have to let him rant for a bit and tell him he is heard and by holding on to the end of the rope he may (eventually!) get the message that he has not been overlooked, that he is just as much loved as the others, and that you are there for him despite his putrid behaviour! Sometimes, when it is the very very last thing on earth you want to do, you have to love bomb a bit and in your case, given the circumstances, it might be worth a try maybe? Totally understand if that is not the route you choose to go down though.

Nutcutlet I could have written your post (especially about the old and senile bit and being irrelevant - which really really got me down originally - but I am in a better place now and feel more combative and confident about my place in the world so it's not getting to me as much). The relentlessness of it is awful though (to almost have an "enemy" in your own home) as is the divisive nature of these meltdowns. Most of the verbal aggression in our household is aimed at me. And it really is impacting negatively on my relationship with dh which dd seems almost intent on destroying. It's as if she is in competition with me sometimes for my dh's attention and love. I take a good step back and let her get on with it when this happens as nothing good comes out of challenging that particularly behaviour. And to be fair, dh doesn't let her take it too far so I feel more able to step back ifyswim.

I had a wee bit of a breakthrough in the summer though when I left dd and dh alone to travel together for a while and he was soon complaining to me down the phone and saying things like "boy this is hard going" when he had been on the receiving end of the angst for a bit whereas he had been fairly unsympathetic to my situation before that! I so agree about a lot of this being down to power play and trying to establish their place in the world as it were.

Seasidepebbles totally understood - unMumsnetty hugs back to you! Look forward to welcoming you back when you feel ready.

God kids can be horrible yet we carry on loving and worrying about them. This is so true Don'tcallmedarling!

To anyone reading this thread who doesn't have teens, it's worth noting this. You may be horrified by what you read and we may be worn out, at the end of our tether, half broken by our offspring at times, but be in no doubt that we only put up with all the shit because of course, we love the very bones of them .

Mogloveseggs what happened about your dd's birthday in the end?

Waves to Staywithmemyblood and all other PoTs. Hang in there everyone. This too shall pass. It really will.

I’m waiting for the washing machine to finish, it’s got a really loud beep at the end that goes on forever!

It’s calmed down a bit, the whole madness here. I had a bit of an insight that I am actually doing alright, when you compare how I deal with the teenage storms with how DD’s dad deals with it.

So, absolutely surreal few days, during which DD behaved appalling, her dad validates her feelings and it all blows in his face as well. He lost his shit and declared he wants nothing to do with DD, I can keep her, doesn’t want her at his place, doesn’t want to see her, she is behaving appallingly, that’s it, he washed his hands off her.
Which left me to deal with it all, because DD calls me psycho when I put boundaries in place, but is inconsolable when her dad finally does something resembling parenting.

I think he’s wrong, that’s not how you deal with stuff, you don’t just throw her out for someone else to deal with it. But at least he had the sense to say: now I understand what your mother has to put up with on a daily basis.

Basically, I take her phone at 10pm, her dad thinks it’s controlling and sided with her: it’s ok darling, come to daddy, you can have your phone all night.
I make her eat vegetables, proteins, basically a normal balanced meal. Her dad gives her money to get her own food, since ‘your controlling mother is not right in the head’, and she just eats junk.

She wanted a newer phone, DP and I said fine, but you contribute to half the cost by getting a Saturday job. Daddy went and bought her the latest phone outright, because ‘mum is crazy’, she hasn’t got time to work, and for minimum wage...sod that, daddy will give you what you want.

I go ballistic if she switches her location off. I just need to make sure she is where she says she is, that she is with friends, basically safe. Daddy tells he to disable location sharing, because ‘mummy is
a cunt’ and a control freak.

Well, mummy let daddy tear his hair out when he could not find her anywhere, I contacted her friends’ parents, found out where she was and got her home. (I did let the idiot know I found her). She was meeting a ‘friend’ from Instagram, someone she never met before in her life, but needed to do it then, because he was going away for a long time. I knew of her intentions and I said no way in hell is she to do something silly like that. I warned her dad she’s up to something silly. He ‘chose to trust her better judgment’. She didn’t hide the fact she wanted to meet him, but was selective about it with her dad.

Anyway, I have aged 30 years. Now her dad is bombarding me with requests to punish her.
So, the saga continues, all good fun!

Oh my! That’s so challenging without a set of shared rules but it sounds like ex may be seeing your point at last. Any chance of getting him on board with agreed rules for now, on the basis that she will mature out of them and show she can be sensible?

I think you're doing an amazing job @SeaSidePebbles It is difficult enough parenting a teen with support from the other parent, but when they are continually working against you and being downright disrespectful it must make it all 10 x harder. I take my (tin) hat off to you. Sounds like he's had a bit of a fright though, and hopefully you can take this opportunity to agree her boundaries (and stop him calling you nasty names too 😡)

👋🏼 to @Pegsinarow and all other PoTs and hope we have a good (or at least less challenging) week ahead. DD's school goes back today after the October break. She is up and getting ready, so fingers crossed she will actually go. I've resorted to bribery - when she asked if she could get her nails done for Hallowe'en I said she could, but only if she goes to school every day this week. Determined she will improve on her 54% attendance from last term, but we'll see..........

@Pegsinarow - this sounds so familiar on the one side I could understand and sympathise with what she was saying, and on the other side I was deeply offended and hurt and outraged by the name-calling, and the loudness and visciousness of her verbal attack. DD does this all the time, with us, and with her BF too. I feel like a broken record, constantly telling her (when she is calm again) that shouting the odds, and being verbally abusive won't get her what she wants. In fact, she loses all sympathy for her point of view by being so offensive. One day it'll click with them (please let it be soon!)

Here's to a peaceful week.
My dd1 is dosed with the flu but only took one day of school her form head gave out to her for coming in with hoarse voice but the one day I did keep her off, The school had a facebook post up how important it was for Gcse student to have full attendance.

I got her appointment letter on Friday to see specialist to see if she needs Biopsy or not.

I've just found this post and the letter made me cry. Horrid day here parenting a 12yo. Refused school today, feels doesn't fit in, got no friends, teachers hate him. Then he's just been horrendous to me on and off. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm exhausted. I'm dreading the morning before I'm even in bed. I don't want i go wake him up and get an earful first thing in the morning. God it's hard

I've been trying something Pegsinarow mentioned about sitting at the top of the rabbit hole rather than following DD down it. We've got into a pattern where DD creates drama and gets me sucked in offering possible solutions (all of which are rejected immediately) and listening to how awful her life is etc. A couple of hours later she's right as rain whilst I'm stressed out and worrying days later.

So I'm trying to stay at the top of the rabbit hole being a calm (well pretending to be), solid, drama free presence in her life and we are communicating better I think. I feel so much better in myself and that's allowing me to face the ongoing hard slog with a bit more resilience and humour.

So thanks to Pegs and to everyone who has shared their experiences on this thread, it's been a real lifeline to me since it began and it is SO comforting to know that other people's teens are telling them they're old, irrelevant, have no friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3723581-It-s-my-last-probably-Xmas-with-the-kids-Ideas-to-make-it-special

Well reading this very sad thread really made me think I have nothing to complain about.

Hi there wondering if I can join in. I’ve got 3 teenagers and really struggling. 1 ds 16 is gay and suffering from anxiety, low self esteem and feeling low caused by bullying. In GCSE year and bright but struggling to focus on work. His brother is also doing exams and needs to be hoiked off Xbox and social life limited at times in order to do what is needed as regards school work. Also got a dd 14 with sensory issues who is a daddy’s girl. I had a strict upbringing, dh a very lax one almost neglectful at times. Dh likes a stress free life( don’t we all). I seem to be baring the brunt of all the anxiety and stress of which there is plenty. I spend hours listening and advising the son which is suffering only to have it thrown back in my face when I can’t fix him feeling crap and try to get him to focus on work as best he can. I get the resentment of the child who doesn’t always work as he should and the brunt of dd’s hormone sensory outbursts. Dh and I only ever argue over the dc not much else because our approaches are different and I don’t feel he is proactive enough. The dc use this to their advantage and I am fed up with feeling like the family verbal punch bag. Fed up with trying to find support for my gay son and fed up with Dh being fun dad and me the ogre parent . The dc can have a hideous outburst towards me and he’ll be chatting away to them as if nothing has happened 5 mins later. Literally on my knees. Don’t think I can cope with the stress much longer, some days the thought of walking out and leaving them all to it seems very appealing.

That sounds hard. I am sure unhappy son is appreciating all your support- social anxiety is so difficult to help with. Also sounds like you need a bit of protected you time! What are other 13-14s doing at half term? All friends seem to be away and mine is glued to screen- I would take or drive him out but he can’t think of a single thing he’d enjoy, has absolutely no interests - so depressing to see.

read OldStripey's post with interest.

Pathological Demand Disorder (a subset of autism).

Read a bit about it on the internet and there are some bells ringing. The irritation, arguing, disobeying, general disrespect, temper outbursts, issues with authority, occasional spitefulness, twisting the truth (!). Sigh. His general hostility and negativity to the world is hard to understand

My son has just turned 17. I've been struggling with his behaviour for a few years. But its really ramped up again the last couple of months. I'm a single parent and I just can't bear it anymore, but I also feel completely powerless as if I can't get away from a Tormentor. There's nothing I can do except "endure" (he wouldn't see a GP or anyone). I just want him out of my life as soon as possible. Did anyone of older teens navigate this period of coming up to legal adulthood? It seems to be getting worse, which shows to me its not normal "teen" behaviour i.e. going on for 5 bloody years now.

or isn't really enough to offer parents who are struggling so much with this, I know its so hard for the posters on here. For my own son I feel there is no real 'solution' except for him to reach 18 and be independent of me - at the moment he is dragging me down with him.

not even anymore.

The weird thing is - bar a bit of hyperactivity - he was so lovely, almost an angel until he was about 9 or 10. The change is very sad.

We've got into a pattern where DD creates drama and gets me sucked in offering possible solutions (all of which are rejected immediately) and listening to how awful her life is etc. A couple of hours later she's right as rain whilst I'm stressed out and worrying days later.

This has been my life for a while now and I can vouch that stepping back has made a massive difference. It isn't perfect but our clashes are minimal and I think me not offering advice she doesn't want to hear seems to suggest to her that I am confident she can solve the problems herself. She seems generally more content. The school has a counsellor who sees her on a regular basis and again this has been helpful. I can say things like ' I think you can handle this but bring it up with your counsellor and see what she thinks'. I am still worried but fingers crossed we keep going in the right direction.
To all of you suffering with teens , I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel soon, hold on.

That is helpful! Things are better here than six months ago - they do grow out of things. On Pathological Demand Avoidance- I believe it can start in adolescence. I recognise all those features but it is really only at home- so not the explanation for us!

I hear you, mine doesn’t want to do anything either!!! Just sit in bed and glued to her phone. It’s awful. No interest in anything but Instagram.
Last week she had a day trip with the school. She asked to go, I paid, then at the last minute she refused to go. I made her go.
I don’t care about the wasted money on the ticket, it was more a case of: a change of scenery will do you good.
So we had a long and draining chat and I made her go. She enjoyed herself, secretly, the attitude was: I only went because you made me, but parts of it were really good.
I don’t do this often, but I thought I ought to, otherwise she’ll just get depressed.
I’m reading her GCSE English books, but I turned it into a ‘gossip column’, I never read Lord of the flies, for example. So I’m asking her about what happens next, I go on rants at her about characters, and she’s engaging, thank god!! She seems amused I’m invested in ‘her books’ and indulges me with her opinion on characters etc. But I would find pulling teeth easier and more enjoyable than this!

But yes, the rants that leave me bewildered and scared for her, that go on for hours, leave me shaken up, while she is completely fine and brazen a little while after, I can relate to that.

I stopped taking half term off, I’ve given her lots of chores in exchange for favours. We’ll see how it goes.

Had parent teacher meeting today.
All went well except one teacher very negative about my dd.
This is the first parent teacher meeting I have had with her but she is so annoying.
After my mum died she rang me and had a total rant at me about my dd not doing homework.
She put my 16 year old sitting by herself in the class and makes sarcastic comments like are you miserable today again in front off other students she tried to deny saying this and I said other students hav ed backed up my dd and told me the same.
She was so rude about my dd.
My dd is not perfect and is attending a specialist about her memory
But this teachers constant criticism gets on my nerves.
I have tried to get her out of this Class but not possible with timetable which I accept so I told the teacher to leave her alone and if she doesn't do her homework that's my dd problem. Her constant criticism is affecting her mental health.
My dd wanted to do Spanish for an A level at start of GCSE year but now her predicted grade is as fail so this teacher has really affected her future in path.
The teacher totally denies any wrong doing and says I put my whole heart into my students. She says no student has ever complained about her but another teacher told me she has heard a few complaints.
I do understand teachers have as hard job.

Here's to a peaceful Halloween break.

That's awful @mcmen05
When my eldest dc was younger and diagnosed with dyslexia we had a teacher who found it almost impossible to teach her despite her behaviour not being bad, resulting in the teacher getting really frustrated and throwing my dc's pencil in the bin or snatching things out of her hand! She was just a day dreamer and easily distracted but they were 8! In the end had to meet the head teacher to complain about her, she did back down but all the head said was sigh yes she can't teach kids who are not the usual AB types! Very reassuring. All water under the bridge now but I suspect she really dented my dd1's confidence. Could you have a quiet word with Head of dept or head teacher? It seems a shame that she can't do Spanish because of this teacher's attitude.

Hello all, just reading through threads to try and pull myself up out of it... getting to point where I’m catching myself fantasising repeatedly about not existing any more. I know I’m a grownup, I know I have to be tougher than this and I know I have to model good behaviour - I know all this, and previously I would have felt ashamed of myself for being so weak and self-indulgent (and would probably have ‘pulled my socks up’ and tried to get on with things). But just feeling utterly flattened by years of bullying, spite, lying and gaslighting, and failure of any attempts to be a good and loving parent. All came to a head yesterday because it was my birthday. Cancelled plans to go out because DDs both outraged that it would disrupt their plans for parties, but then they decided to have friends over instead at last minute. I made fatal error of (literally) slightly raising an eyebrow when my eldest (16) said her new friend had been kept back an academic year ‘for drug issues’ and this led to a 30-minute rant about my evilness (the same friend had also apparently tried to kill herself - despite having withheld this info in the first instance, DD then claimed I was being cruel about her friend’s mental health problems). Tried to explain that no, it was just the mention of drugs (given historical issues) that had rung alarm bells and that I was very sorry to hear about suicide attempt, but it developed into full-on screaming at me and I’m afraid I thought ‘why the hell do I have to take this, even today?’ and yelled back. 16 year old then reeled off list of all the people we know living nearby who hate me and ‘think I’m mental’ (because she has told them I’m on the autism spectrum/related things I’ve said out of context/both). This made me cry, and I was told I was ‘being manipulative’ because crying. 13 yo daughter and her friends were included on the ‘hate list’, they came upstairs while I was crying so I apologized to them in case I had somehow upset them, but they just laughed and 13 yo has since told me I’m disgusting (for being so embarrassing, I imagine). She also told her dad that I’d snapped at her friends and been rude, but luckily he’d heard me talking to them so knew it was a lie. That said, we’re not getting on brilliantly either, to add to the general misery.
I’m being a melodramatic idiot, but it does feel like I’m at the bottom of a box and the lid is being closed. Everything I thought I was/loved/was capable of has gone, and just not being here any more (or running for the bloody hills) seems more and more appealing.

Teenagers are gaslighters. Mine is trying to convince me my partner, or me, are mad and bad. And you having needs or emotions seems to be unbearable for them. You have to put up a wall to protect yourself. Can you spend some time doing something alone or with your friends, where you’re valued? I hope the day after your birthday is better.

I can identify with no longer wanting to exist, to not have to keep dealing with this crap. I'm finally broken. My son is just 20 so technically no longer a teen but his behaviour is still as shitty, shifty and wearing as it has been for the last 5/6 years. It may be longer than that. I'm so very weary.

Thanks Aramox - day after birthday was even worse (and day after that). It all snowballed into row between DH and me, and then his estranged (well, from me, anyway: they openly despise me but he still has a relationship with them) family got involved... all seemed so hopeless. Slightly more ‘normal’ - I feel like a fraud using that word - today. Mostly because school started again today after half term, and DH took day off so we could try and sort things out.
Poppym12, am feeling for you and totally get the weariness.

Hi all. I dropped into the last thread...strength to all!!

My tin hat took a bashing yesterday . My dd looked me squarely in the eyes and said "I think you're not a nice person at all, you're really a horrible person"

I couldn't hold back....its so unjust...on the back of just trying to dush out some motherly advice and getting frustrated at her not listening. So...I was like a screaming banshee....threw everything within reach....it was awful. Now not only am I horrible, I'm also a psychopath . Not my finest hour

I've lost a grip of the roap, haven't a clue how to grab a hold again... and actually dont want to

Brain is so fogged cant even spell ROPE!!