Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

I'm in total shock and I need help.

124 replies

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:00

Please help me, I have just found out that not only is my 17 son doing drugs, he's supposedly doing coke, but also he's hanging around in Nechells with dealers. Can't speak, have been sick and just don't know what to do. Have three other kids so can't have confrontation tonight. Also my ex, his dad, would wait around if I told him and probably come close to killing him. I'm ashamed of my son and realise that he has ruined our lives, but also those of his siblings.

PLEASE HELP ME

OP posts:

edam · 08/05/2007 23:01

Feel very sorry for you but don't have any advice except calling one of the organisations that works on drug issues for advice - govt. website is called something like Frank, I think.

FiveFingeredFiend · 08/05/2007 23:05

where does he get the money from?
what does he do during the day? work? college?

for now there is parentline, drug action team, worth phoning your local social services as they will give you some help.

Blu · 08/05/2007 23:06

You must be very shocked and worried...but has he ruined yours and his siblings lives? TRy not to panic yet - I don't know where the most efective help will come from, but it isn't too late to help and support him to live less dangerously.
Has there been any police involvement?

tribpot · 08/05/2007 23:06

Frank . I hope things aren't as bad as you fear - at the very least, it's unlikely he has ruined the lives of you/your other children as well, whatever he is up to. I completely sympathise though, it must be very worrying.

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:06

Called them, just gave us helplines and they';re all busy. Am scared that he's collecting money for the dealers and also that someone's tipped him off and he won't come back. I am so ashamed of him

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 08/05/2007 23:06

He's supposedly doing coke - do you know for sure yet. Obviously I don't know the background, but is there a possibility that its not coke? Try to stay calm, confronting him whilst you're feeling like this won't help. Like edam says, call a help line - I expect that they are 24 hrs and you sound like you could do with talking about it out loud now. Good luck

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 08/05/2007 23:07

talk to frank

noddyholder · 08/05/2007 23:08

I think you need to get some professional help.He has not ruined your lives but if he is doing a lot he will be ruining his own.How do you know he hasn't just tried it a one off?Have you spoken to him?What is nechells?

FiveFingeredFiend · 08/05/2007 23:09

if he has gone missing call the police. He is your responsability until he is 18 as social services will gladly tell you when you phone them.

themoon66 · 08/05/2007 23:09

Oh poor, poor you.... I can only imagine how horrible you must be feeling. You have kids you love, then sudden you have strangers in the house in the form of teenagers.

Can you talk to him? Show him how upset and worried you are? Make him ashamed at how his behaviour has upset you?

How does he spend his time normally? Is he still at school, or college, or working?

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:10

He works and does late hours, travelling round selling ,ilk offers to people to have it delivered. People will say how come I didn't know, he's a teen and has all the symptons of teens, sleeping, grumpy etc. I've asked him loads of times, but we've always been a bit suss of him in that he stole money from me. He has been gambling too but we thought we'd cracked that and because he seemed to have settled down, things were ok. How stupid am I? I run my own business, my dh and I have a major work thing over the next few days and now all I can think of is, what if people come to the hopuse looking for him? I am so scared.

OP posts:

tribpot · 08/05/2007 23:11

My ds is 2 (nearly) so I won't presume to understand what being the mother of a 17-year-old is like (not easier, by the sounds of it!) but it sounds like the story is still unclear and the best thing would be to get him home, and then figure things out.

FiveFingeredFiend · 08/05/2007 23:12

Hold on.

you have gone from - your not sure he might be taking coke.

to he's a runner for the ddealers.

to some big ugly men with knuckle dusters.

I think your going a bit eastenders. calm down. breathe.

penmack · 08/05/2007 23:12

whyhim contact adfam they are an organisation that supports the family and friends of drug users (even if their only occasional users)try not to panic this doesnt have to be the end of the world. my mums runs a support services for the family/carers of drug users and it doesnt always end in catastrophe. now you know you can try and support him to stop using. contact adfam they will be able to give help support and advice.

themoon66 · 08/05/2007 23:12

Get him home.... yes... that's the main thing.

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:13

A friend of his mum rang us and said they'd have a threatening phone call towards their son. He admiited that he owed money for dope but that Dom was involved. They gottheir son back home and bollocked him. He then told them that my son is doing coke and has been for ages.When he stole the money off me, I spoke to him abouthow ashamed I was etc etc. How could I not know? If I tell my ex, he's going to come round, break down my door and batter him. My dh wants him to go to his dads for a while. I don't want my other kids knwoing what a total shit they have for a brother. I love him so much but if I find out he's dealing, I will call the police.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 08/05/2007 23:13

What's Nechells?

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:14

Shit, sorry ignore the name.

OP posts:

Blu · 08/05/2007 23:15

Nechells is an inner-city area of birmingham, I think.

penmack · 08/05/2007 23:18

whyhim how were you supposed to know? we 've all read the leaflets but the syptoms of drug use are very similar to the normal behaviour of teenagers. what your son is doing isnt your fault.try not to panic (almost impossible i know) my brother was a drug user for nearly 10 years and it is hard but untill you know more try to stay calm

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:19

Just texted him. Kid that shopped him told us he's in Nechells and he won't ans phone. My son's just replied he's on way back. Should I keep quiet now and talk to him tomorrow? I teach in the mornings and my dh is mega busy at work and also helping me set up stuff. I'm scared to broach the subject because if he denies it, I'll kill him. I don't want my others seeing a major fall out, brother or not.

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 08/05/2007 23:19

terribly sorry for what you're going through but please try not to worry too much until the story is clear. Drugs are dangerous and the drug world is a nasty one but do remember that many many young people take coke with seemingly few ill effects (absolutely not a good idea obviously). Just because your ds may be using drugs does not mean that dealers will be turning up at your door. He is much more likely getting it from friends.

Try to stay calm because he needs to see that he can talk to you without a scene.

Original poster

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:19

penmack, where did we go wrong? He's always been a bit spolit and headstrong but I never imagined this,

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 08/05/2007 23:20

Can you talk reasonably to him? Can you be really calm and teary eyed. I know it sounds naff, but is there a little boy in there somewhere who doesn't want to let his mum down?

penmack · 08/05/2007 23:21

you didnt 'go wrong' even 17 year olds have choices to make, sometimes they just make the wrong ones. this doesnt have to be the end of everthing though

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread