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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I'm in total shock and I need help.

124 replies

whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:00

Please help me, I have just found out that not only is my 17 son doing drugs, he's supposedly doing coke, but also he's hanging around in Nechells with dealers. Can't speak, have been sick and just don't know what to do. Have three other kids so can't have confrontation tonight. Also my ex, his dad, would wait around if I told him and probably come close to killing him. I'm ashamed of my son and realise that he has ruined our lives, but also those of his siblings.

PLEASE HELP ME

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tribpot · 08/05/2007 23:21

Agreed - we're not mind-readers. If only we could be! Obviously don't tell your ex until you know more of the facts, why invite that trouble to come a-visiting as well?

If you're worried about the post with the name in, you can have it deleted, never fear.

So far I think you have a small part of the story, it'd be worth getting more before you decide how to react.

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:23

Kiod that shopped him told us dealer is older guy around 30. Guess who my kid's been hanging round with? I asked him if he was gay, cos we never see him with girls. Wouldn't bother me at all but I always thought that a lie this big would show up to me. I usually can tell when he's lying. How wrong can you be?

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 08/05/2007 23:23

Contact the helplines as directed on this thread.

Your son is not a shit. He is a teenager doing shitty things. It probably won't ruin your life. Or his.

It certainly didn't ruin mine or my brothers (or a good many friends). I did lots of drugs, mostly cocaine, from late teens until mid-twenties and then stopped. Over a decade later, it doesn't appear to have done me any lasting damage.

Involvement with dealers is not good and it would be worth taking advice from the helplines on that issue.

Best wishes xx

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:24

That little boy went when he decided to take drugs. Dope yes, I could accept that but coke. NO!

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:26

My dh has just said what if he owes people money, he owes me loads and what if they come arond here? I have kids (through business) coming to the house everyday. I am not losing a business I spoent 9 years building up because of him.

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:27

He has been taught right from worng and this is a wrong choice BUT it affects everyone else and that's not fair. I am scared that if I speak to him tonight it'll escalate into a huge fight, he'll storm off and me and dh will spend all night looking gor him.

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penmack · 08/05/2007 23:28

if anyone comes to the house dont give them anything and call the police immediately, tell them you have small children in the house and they need to come straight away. if you hand over money they will keep coming back. if they havent been before now it is unlikely that are are going to come now.

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:29

How can i say hi to him and just ignore all this? I just want it all to go away and never have happended. I think this is the worst thing that has happened to me apart from my mum dying (and my dad getting dementia). That's what pisses me off, they didn't choose their fate, he's chosen his and I'm so mad with him I feel like locking the door

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shimmy21 · 08/05/2007 23:30

sadly coke seems to be to the younger generation what dope was to us oldies - seen as a harmless bit of excitement. It's almost the norm in some circles. Try not to let your own understandable disgust block the channels of commnication with ds. You'll be needing those!

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:30

penmack, I don't have money to give but I'm scared for all of us. Thank you for keep answering.

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:31

Going off for a bit to check if he's in a car or walking.

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penmack · 08/05/2007 23:31

try to keep calm (hard i know)you need to discuss it but try to do it when you are a little more in control.

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KerryMum · 08/05/2007 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shimmy21 · 08/05/2007 23:32

you haven't had people knocking on the door before you found out so there's no reason why it will start now. Don't panic.

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penmack · 08/05/2007 23:42

whyhim , off to bed now, will post in the am with any local numbers for birmingham area for support for parents. try to contact adfam and see if they can help. hang in there

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:52

Hi I'm back. I'm trying to work out the way to tackle it but life keeps getting in the way. Why should we all stop our lives for him? Tomorrow I have three classes at home, a break wwhere I'm supposed to be colouring my hair, buying loads of stuff for this big show I'm doing,doing a showcase session in the afternnon, recording a CD for a school I work at and a HealthCentre, shopping, checking on my "dmented"dad, taking various kids to various after school stuff and if dh doesn't go into work, my literature won't get printed and me and my business partner will owe £20,000 for defaulting our contract. It's not fair to us or his siblings. I don't think it's just casual stuff, I think he's in deep and I hopeto god he's not dealing. I need to sleep to work tomorrow, but I keep being sick and I have a really bad chest pain.

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whyhim · 08/05/2007 23:56

signing off 'cos I've run out of words. Thank you all for listening xx

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UCM · 08/05/2007 23:56

One of my friends helped me on this;

My friend locked her nephew in the house, in a room with nothing, they took everything out and said 'if you leave on your own, we will not help you'

It worked apparently. I do hope this helps.

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UCM · 08/05/2007 23:57

She's a copper

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UCM · 08/05/2007 23:58

I only added that as it might show you that stuff does help.

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 09/05/2007 00:15

whyhim - you've certainly addressed how it's spoiling your life, any thoughts on how he feels?

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jampot · 09/05/2007 00:25

whyhim - you sound at your wits end. Whereabouts in brum are you?

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whyhim · 09/05/2007 04:47

I am at my wits end and how does he feel? Hopefully stupid, ashamed, and even more hopefully not dead because he owes some dealer money. If doing drugs was the worst of the scenario it wouldn't be quite so bad, well, not really. But if he's dealing, that's different. My dh and I were up talking till 2 and think that maybe he's collecting the cash for the dealers in return for stuff. He hasn't seen this friend for ages (who apparently dropped him because of the coke) and then turns up suddenly. Kid is scared and my son is in Brum, with god knows who. He has loads of "friends" that he sees, who knows who they are. He has dropped people recently and we wonder if they don't like the drugs too. It isn't just about me and tbh, I am angry that life is being messed up again for the whole family. We've been through a lot recently and this needs sorting so carefully. My dh and I have had a rough patch too and last night agreed that doing the whole blame bit will only split us up too and I'm not having the other kids affected any more than I can help. I'm sorry if some people think I'm being selfish but one person should not have the power to change others' lives like this, and this will

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whyhim · 09/05/2007 04:50

Thank you UCM

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penmack · 09/05/2007 08:13

whyhim i hope you managed to get some sleep last night. did your son come home yet? if you do get a chance try adfam (iknow i keep going on about them.)
prism is an organisation based in birmingham who offer support to people in this situation their helpline number is 07841067657, hope this helps . hang in there

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