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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds and his girlfriend

129 replies

Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:42

My ds is 18 and will be off to uni in the Autumn. He's in a long term relationship and the two of them are very happy. He asked if his gf (also 18) could 'stay over' after a party he hosted for his 18th, I'm uncomfortable thinking that he is having any sexual relations and quickly shut him down. Was this the right thing to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 21:44

We're going to different unis on the other side of the country but we're planning on keeping the relationship going

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 05/03/2017 21:45

Not sure that will work out.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:45

It can be done. I know of people who are now married that were together pre or during uni.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:46

But it is hard. It can be very very hard. The majority I know did not stay together but I do know of some that did. I guess if it's meant to be it will be.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 05/03/2017 21:46

OP I'm the mum of an 18 year old boy. He's allowed to have his gf sleep over because I know they'll be having sex anyway, and I'd rather they were somewhere "safe" rather than taking an opportunity in a risky situation where they won't necessarily have access to contraception etc.

However, I don't want to have to think about it any more, I imagine, than my ds wants to think about me and his dad having sex.

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 21:47

Yeah but the " go to uni wait for this to blow over" isnt gonna cut it for a sex life. I believe that sex is an important part of the relationship...

OP posts:
SlothMama · 05/03/2017 21:48

I had the same issue as you OP, when I was 17 I wasn't allowed to have my BF stay over and I wasn't allowed to stay at his. Both of my parents had the awkward don't have sex talk. Which I ignored Wink

Then when I was off to uni I had an arguement with my parents over me and my BF who were going to different unis staying over at each other's houses at uni. My Dad actually said he would ensure we wouldn't (God knows how he was planning on that!!)

Then whilst we were at uni my parents calmed down and we could stay over, and now that I've graduated there's no issue at all.

ToastVacuum · 05/03/2017 21:49
Hmm
ssd · 05/03/2017 21:49

agree sb, makes me feel quite wistful actually Grin

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 21:49

Fantastic, 4 years and I'm freeGrin thanks for the advice on a serious level thoughSmile

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 05/03/2017 21:50

OP don't you think that the thought of your parents listening will affect performance?

ssd · 05/03/2017 21:51

I dont think the parents watching would affect the performance Portia, arent they always wanting it at that age?

girlname900 · 05/03/2017 21:51

it is completely normal. yabu but its natural as a mother. it is more than likely they are having sex or whatever so although its hard you should just accept it. have come to realise this myself. they are probably already sleeping together at other times you can't stop it. if i were you i would just end these arguments by allowing her to stay over. :) xx

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 21:51

I just want to be able to sleep with my girlfriend, if thats sexual or not, sounds corny af but I love herGrin

OP posts:
SlothMama · 05/03/2017 21:53

It's annoying to be in this situation but I'm sure you two will find a way and do take a trip away with each other!

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:55

It will be summer soon. Lots of quiet places around I'm sure ...

I do not advise it in early march with frost on the ground btw. I speak from experience. Nearly froze my arse off.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:56

Although i would still ask them when exactly they think it would be acceptable for you to bring home a partner overnight.

MamaHanji · 05/03/2017 21:59

I think that although it makes you uncomfortable, whilst it's not unreasonable of you to be uncomfortable with your son being in a sexual relationship. He is also 18 and as someone who was a teenage not too long ago, let me tell you, not being allowed to sleep over at your boyfriends/girlfriends house...it's not going to stop you having sex. It's just going to make it less safe and comfortable! I.e. In a car, field, party.

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 22:03

I mean we do get some action, just not a lot and I just don't want my parents having this mindset in which I'm in the wrong for being humanSad

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 22:04

I do think they will come around eventually.

It can be hard to let you when your child becomes an adult.

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 22:08

I doubt it, my older sibling kind of allowed themselves to be ground into submission about this kinda stuff, I'm apparently the more rebellious one because I dont agree with them on most things

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 05/03/2017 22:10

Perhaps book a hotel room?

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 22:13

So how old is the older sibling now ? What do they do with their partner ?

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 22:16

When they visit, they sleep in seperate rooms. 21. Away from home theyre a normal couple. My gf isnt even allowed that 'luxury'

OP posts:
GrandDesespoir · 05/03/2017 22:21

You may be uncomfortable thinking they're having sexual relations, but it's highly likely that they are. Obviously it's up to you what they do in your house, but as they are both adults you're going to have to get used to the idea that they're sleeping together.