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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Ds and his girlfriend

129 replies

Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:42

My ds is 18 and will be off to uni in the Autumn. He's in a long term relationship and the two of them are very happy. He asked if his gf (also 18) could 'stay over' after a party he hosted for his 18th, I'm uncomfortable thinking that he is having any sexual relations and quickly shut him down. Was this the right thing to do?

OP posts:

babyunicornvomit · 05/03/2017 20:57

My parents were always ridiculously strict when I lived at home. Still not allowed DP in my room now even though we're expecting a baby (!) - their thing is 'not under my roof'. I always respected that but to be honest we would just go and do it anywhere else, often places we shouldn't have been. At 16/17 it happens. If he's 18 and they're happy together I would say get over it. You could cause problems in the relationship and to be honest the likelihood of them having sex in your house when they know you're so against it is low. If you keep him on a short leash he'll stay out more and distance himself from his 'overbearing' mum.

You can't stop them going on a weekend together, they're adults?

YABU not letting her stay over, but YANBU expecting them to not have sex in your house.

SookiesSocks · 05/03/2017 20:57

Cough ops first post cough cough

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 20:57

How do you propose to stop an adult going on a weekend away ?

OnHold · 05/03/2017 20:57

If you don't want them to sleep together in your house that's one thing.

You do know they are probably already having sex though.

Comeonmommy · 05/03/2017 20:57

I think yabu. They are both 18 and in a serious relationship. You can't stop them going away of having sex. Wouldn't you rather them do in a safe environment than find somewhere else? I would understand if they were under 18 but I'm not quite sure why you'd shut them down?

greenfolder · 05/03/2017 20:57

Your house your rules but you will have to deal with consequences.
We have only let dd2 s boyfriend stay over on rare occaisions. But this is because its a pretty small house and we have 3 daughters. It could get crowded. However the inevitable result is that she has alwayd spent a lot of time at his.

MsStricty · 05/03/2017 20:57

I felt some empathy until your last post. He's an adult. I can understand your feelings if he were having sex in your home (though I would let my son come home with his girlfriend), but to be against an adult son going away with his girlfriend speaks to something in you that has nothing to do with him, imo - but which may serve you to work out for yourself.

Whisky2014 · 05/03/2017 20:58

Lol sookies! I did wonder!

SookiesSocks · 05/03/2017 20:59

@ Whisky

OnHold · 05/03/2017 20:59

Yes OP is probably after stories of teenage sex.

SharkBastard · 05/03/2017 21:00

He's already dipped his wick, hope he enjoyed himself too!

Sparklingbrook · 05/03/2017 21:00

I really don't see the problem, he is an adult.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:00

First post is it ?

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:00

Don't know why I bother.

ClashCityRocker · 05/03/2017 21:01

At what stage will you deem it apropriate for your son to have a sexual relationship?

I mean, not in your house is maybe fair enough. But he's an adult, and his sex life is absolutely none of your business, outside of your home. Personally, I wouldn't be over fussed within the home if it was an actual relationship, but appreciate some people would be.

I am intrigued as to why you think your adult sons sex life is anything to do with you.

iMatter · 05/03/2017 21:01

My parents had a rule that you had to be married to share a room in their house.

We just had sex on the bathroom floor, the utility room floor, the car, a field, the garage....

What made it worse was that the no sleeping together rule applied to all visitors, not just their children.

CalmItKermitt · 05/03/2017 21:03

This is bollocks.

Bananamama1213 · 05/03/2017 21:04

I started my relationship while in year 11 at high school, I was 15. He was 17 and in sixth form at the same school. We spent most nights with each other. Our mums were even okay with "sleepovers" on a school night.

We moved in together a month after my 17th birthday.

I'm 24 next month and we've been married nearly two years and have two children (with plans in very near future to have more!!).

I had an ex with a mum like you.. She hated me for some reason! Wouldn't even let my boyfriend stay in the same house as me (different rooms) and if I was round then door would have to be left open. That didn't stop us! We would just do things anyway and he'd lie about where he was staying.

At 18, he's an adult.

Pinotwoman82 · 05/03/2017 21:05

Oh god I hope I don't turn out like you to my DS! In a few years the MIL posts will probably be written by your DIL

DearMrDilkington · 05/03/2017 21:06

Original poster

Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 21:07

I am very sorry for deceiving you. In truth I am a teenager in a similar situation to the one described in the heading. Sorry for any betrayal or deception felt, but I just wanted to be sure that the views held by my guardians are not the norm.This was kind of a last resort. Thank you so much for your answers and I hope this will help me in my case. I know that my guardians want to protect me and I'm extremely thankful for what they've done to raise me and help me and, I love them, but I wasn't sure what to do when I was told straight up no even when they were presented with solid reasoning felt that this thread might have been necessary to make them see my point. Thank you all and sorry once again. (I even had to learn what ds meant )

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 05/03/2017 21:07

You're in danger of making a huge mistake. Once he goes to university you risk him not wanting to come home. What will happen if he wants his girlfriend to stay over Christmas? Will you not allow that, even though she'll probably be staying with him at weekends?

It is really tempting to try to keep control, but now that he's going to be 18 and he seems such a decent boy with a lovely girlfriend, you need to let go.

Just buy yourself some earplugs and take something to help you sleep.

Heathen4Hire · 05/03/2017 21:07

Ffs. Everything other posters have said. Leave them alone. They are adults now.

Quartz2208 · 05/03/2017 21:08

Dont think about it then. He is 18 and an adult, if you want to have a relationship with him going forward as an adult you need to respect the fact that he is a grown man. And be proud of the fact that at 18 he has a long term relationship and going off to University.

Whisky2014 · 05/03/2017 21:08

Guardians of the Galaxy!

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