My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

Op if you do come back I just have a couple of points I hope you'll find helpful

Firstly I think the direction of thread has been caused buy the wording and tone of your posts it comes across like you believe your son is still a dependant so any responsibilities of his will fall to you.

Secondly if he is unemployed because hea as uni you really shouldn't worry. When I was the same age as you son I was at uni. I also left home and was the mother of a 2 year old. I have my degree. It wasn't easy but it's totally doable with support.

Where does his girlfriend live? And work/study?

I think accusing posters who said 'they're adults and responsible for their baby' as saying 'fuck him' and 'men are assholes' was pretty aggressive, tbh.

I'm glad someone can see the same thread I can

Thank you cockicidal, for reminding me of that marvellous movie of my youth

"So this is show business"

I think people could've given kinder advice this evening. !!!!!

They're in their 20s so not kids.

What do you do? Tell your son to be a man, get a job, and provide for his family.

Some quite nasty posts on this thread

I don't see why the OP would want to come back.

No nor me.

TheWoodlander

I love it too. Pity that Scott Baio (Bugsy) turned out to be such a dick, though.

There have been countless threads on MN about pregnant dc - often much younger than 20, and many of them from the parent of the young dad-to-be. The advice has always been a variant of 'time to step up', because that's really all you can say. If the OP is polite and respectful - which definitely isn't the same as being 'meek' - then they can get excellent guidance on everything from benefits, to keeping a willing but daunted Dad involved, to knowing when to offer help and when to step back. But this OP started asking what was wrong with people after only one gentle note that her son wasn't physically 'pregnant', a query about the support available to the GF, and a couple of 'step up' type responses. Nobody was mocking her at that stage.

The best way you can help your future grandchild is to help your son grow up. Encourage him to find a job to provide for the child. You can show emotional support and buy a few things to help out, but 20 is old enough to be able to support a child without parental (your) help if he is motivated. If you step in and bail them out buying nappies etc they will just expect it to continue. You need to sit him down and say you will be able to do x, y and z but cannot do a, b and c. There are plenty of Xmas jobs around at the mo and they often lead into permanent roles.

Pity that Scott Baio (Bugsy) turned out to be such a dick, though.

Yes, isn't it. However, I feel I grew up with Jodie Foster, and she is forever wonderful.

Considering the op said that a) her son didn't have a job and b) he wasn't looking for one and c) she can't afford to pay for her grandchild ... I'm not sure what other support she expected.

Tell son to get a job.
Research mat grant/leave and other benefits.

That's pretty much it.

Or did she want everyone to say that it's ok, at 20 you are still a child, he needs to be mollycoddled and this heartless witch who has got herself upduffed all by herself should be hung, drawn and quartered for ruining son's life.

There is nothing else to say. She wanted advice, she got it. She just didn't like it.

My niece is 20 and she has just had her first baby. My sister is not paying for anything for the baby as the baby's parents are. Her bf has a job and they are struggling but getting by. My sister will help when required but she's basically letting them get on with is. Because they are adults.

seven201 hit the nail on the head.

Did Scott baio turn out to be a dick??!!

Blimey , this wan't wasn't deleted. Perhaps MN is getting less trigger happy with the old thread zapper button.

A 20 and a 21 year old having a baby really isn't unusual. Yes, he needs to have a job and live with and support his partner and baby.

sticks fingers in ears much like the OP

I don't want to hear a single negative thing about 💘 Scott Baio💕

I cant believe that this thread is still here and that all those 'nasty' posts about the son getting a job and growing up havent been deleted.

I do think SOME of the responses were a harsh BUT I also think the OP is being really ridiculous!!
He's a grown up. Why doesn't he have a job?

I find this thread utterly baffling.

OP just doesn't seem to engaging.

acvurate information about her DS, his qualifications/interests/talents would have been helpful.

Without that, the 'he needs to get a job, support him in that'' is the only possible response. Because it's his baby, and it's up to him to provide for the child.

And once again the OP makes a thread then disappears!

And once again the OP makes a thread then disappears!
I think to be fair to the op, they probably didn't get the responses they were hoping for.

What does he say op? Are they moving in together? At hers? Yours? Elsewhere? Is he looking for a job or shrugging his shoulders? If the latter I'd be going postal, if the former, give him time, he may yet step up.

They're young, but not ridiculously so, they can do this, try not to worry, this isn't on you.

Another example of Mumsnet at it worst.

I don't blame the OP for leaving. She came here looking for advice, not an education on biology.

Shameful.