My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

As soon as I saw the original wording of the title I just knew what the responses would concentrate on.

Equal parties, not artists.

There are no artists. My iPhone fucking hates me today

No I think it was more that people jumped straight on her wording and took it as though she was being precious about her son

I felt she was actually just pointing out that her son was not in an ideal position to be a dad ie no job and she was actually more critical of him than precious about it

Then she went batshit and reported everyone so feel like I wasted my breath (metaphorical breath ) defending her

As soon as I saw the original wording of the title I just knew what the responses would concentrate on.

The thread would have moved on from that soon enough if OP had stopped digging with the "yes they're equally pregnant" stuff.

if she was receptive to down to earth advice MN would be good at talking her down.

No. If she had been familiar with what MN is like and known what wording to avoid and what attitudes to convey in the OP, MN might have been helpful.

MN only supports some parents. The others, it ridicules and tears strips out of. Don't pretend this was MN at its finest. It was MN having a ball at someone's expense. There were a million ways to get the information across that didn't involve laying into her...but then it wouldn't have been half as much fun. That much is obvious to anyone reading the thread.

The thread would have moved on from that soon enough if OP had stopped digging with the "yes they're equally pregnant" stuff.

She meant something good to do with accountability. Something which MN actually likes (and would have crucified her for not thinking). Again, it would have been no fun to acknowledge that.

Don't pretend this was MN at its finest. It was MN having a ball at someone's expense.

I didn't say it was.

It never goes well after the "you're all mean and nasty" stuff starts. But that was OP's childish reaction.

Why was it childish? The vast majority were mean and nasty. Did you expect her to tug her forelock?

Hang on - she started shouting after receiving only four replies, only one of which pulled her up, fairly gently, on the 'pregnant' wording. The others all said the baby would primarily be her son's responsibility. She was off on one before anybody started 'pasting' her.

Well I wandered on and read it all after the event slender and it didn't come across like that to me.

Fair enough.

I suddenly feel very empathic and insightful.

Yes, i took it to mean he was equally responsible. I at no point though he was actually pregnant because that is not possible.

You've probably gone but if he's at uni, he should be able to get additional student finance as he'll be a parent, to help him complete his degree. In Wales we have Parent Learning Allowance and Childcare Grant, not sure if it's the same wherever you're based. Is his gf also a student? If so, they'll be eligible for housing benefit too (if in Wales). Getting a job would be a good idea - something that works alongside his studies; delivery driver if he has a car?

Tell him you won't be paying for the baby, your involvement as grandma stretches to cuddles, maybe a couple of cardis if you enjoy knitting (do people still knit baby cardis?) and saying "I told you so" when he calls you to complain about sleepless nights.

Succeeding independently as a parent at that age is totally doable but you need determination and a bloody good work ethic, and he doesn't have long to achieve that. Time for some tough love.

Is she 7 months pregnant, or are they 7 months into the relationship? If they're not working, what are they doing? (Genuine questions)

Round's right -it was four posts and only one query re son being pregnant before we got "Christ what's wrong with you lot?". So presumably it was the advice that he was old enough to take responsibility that gave her the rage.

She was off on one before anybody started 'pasting' her.

She was rather cruelly misinterpreted as being aggressive 'back' and this was used to justify any amount of teasing. The OP was 'off on one' saying things that related to her son's accountability and the fact that it 'takes two', not being rude to posters. It read to me like she was justifying her feeling that he was in the shit, using the same forthright language she was receiving. I think this did not go down well because MN likes OPs to be quite meek and grateful.

I suppose it is fitting to remember at this time of year that Mary and Joseph did pretty well in the most adverse of circumstances.

Whilst frankincense and myrrh are unlikely to be gifted in due course, perhaps your son could take up carpentry?

To make a cot cat?

I at no point though he was actually pregnant because that is not possible.

I at no point though he was actually pregnant because that is not possible.

All threads end up like this at the moment

m.youtube.com/watch?v=iq_WkGHuuX0

I think accusing posters who said 'they're adults and responsible for their baby' as saying 'fuck him' and 'men are assholes' was pretty aggressive, tbh.

I agree with slender
And I think people are been deliberately coy here

People were rude , it wasn't the advice it was the mocking of her wording . I don't like "we" are pregnant either . But it's obvious what she meant , not everyone writes or articulates themselfs the same and people really like to jump on that! Maybe the post was bullshit ?? But maybe she's having a shit time and is now having a shitter one !!