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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

251 replies

Vickyb1465 · 27/11/2016 21:08

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 27/11/2016 22:00

What sort of advice did you think you would get though?
I'm really confused.

You asked "what do I do?"

You either encourage and support your son with getting a job, then move on to budgeting advice, and hunting out bargains for them if you have the time or inclination.

Or you don't.

Or you decide that you are responsible for providing for this baby and start stockpiling nappies, clothes and looking at buggies.

Or you don't.

What do you think your son should do?
You don't seem to want to hear that he needs to get a job so I'm actually interested in the answer to that.

Lynnm63 · 27/11/2016 22:00

Vicky, exactly what were you expecting from this thread? Ok, you worded the thread poorly. Your son isn't pregnant he has made someone pregnant. Is he at Uni? In that case he needs to complete his course if not he needs to get a job ASAP.
What you do is nothing other than be supportive of them both. Give practical advice, point them to websites to check they're getting everything their entitled to. However, they are both adults and you need to treat them as such. If you take over it will help no one.

I think your post complaining to Mumsnet HQ reporting everyone is silly. Do you think they'll tell us off. You've just managed to piss people off who were trying to help.

roundandroundthehouses · 27/11/2016 22:00

Is it gone yet? I want to get reported there, too.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/11/2016 22:00

Anyone else feeling sorry for the pregnant girlfriend

No. She chose to be in a relationship with Peter Pan & all that entails.

I'm saving my 'sorry' for the baby if it exists, which I doubt

ememem84 · 27/11/2016 22:01

Oh. So if we posted before the tantrum we didn't get reported?

Ok. Well op. Your son is not pregnant. He is equally responsible which is what I assume you meant bybequally pregnant.

Tell him to get a job and start saving for the baby. He (not the two of you) will be responsible for that baby along with his gf. It takes two to tango and all that. Not two and his mum.

Yes be supportive. But you can't be responsible. It's not your issue.

HateMrTumble · 27/11/2016 22:01

Maybe you should keep out of their business incase they raise the child to be like yours- 20 year old unemployed Wink

Helpful advice- make yourself a GP appointment

loobyloo1234 · 27/11/2016 22:01

Not one of them has welcomed you to Mumsnet Wink

Welcome to MN OP Grin

ViewBasket · 27/11/2016 22:02
Biscuit
EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 27/11/2016 22:02

Looby Grin

MyWineTime · 27/11/2016 22:02

The best thing you can do to help your son is to not bail him out or support him financially. If you do that, he will rely on you and never learn how to stand on his own 2 feet.

He is an adult, capable of getting his gf pregnant, so he is capable of getting a job and supporting his gf and child. Take a step back, stop treating him like a child and allow him to be an adult.

The reason it is important to recognise that SHE is the one who is pregnant, is that he will be expected to support her and their child. She cannot go out to work when she is heavily pregnant, giving birth or for some time afterwards. He has to man up.

Viviennemary · 27/11/2016 22:02

It is a bit irresponsible of them if they cannot afford a child. But it's up to you if you want to contribute financially. I'd be annoyed too in your position. It's all very well saying it's nothing to do with you but it is as they are so young and by the sound of it not able to manage.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/11/2016 22:03

Nothing any of you have said here actually helps me

Plenty of people have suggested you encourage your son to get a job - that's perfectly good advice. I'm not sure what else you were expecting??

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/11/2016 22:03

It takes two to tango and all that. Not two and his mum

Oh dear god that's a grim thought!

Lynnm63 · 27/11/2016 22:03

roundthehouses I don't think I've been reported before, I'm quite looking forward to it!

user1467662525 · 27/11/2016 22:03

'My son is pregnant' 😂

RebelRogue · 27/11/2016 22:04

Tell him to get a job. Stop looking after his gf..that's his job.
Send him to CAB to see what benefits they might be entitled to.
Tell him to get a job

GinAndTunic · 27/11/2016 22:04

This is a windup thread.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/11/2016 22:05

D'ya fink so Gin?

WyfOfBathe · 27/11/2016 22:07

I was born when my parents were about that age. Both at uni and not working.

My grandparents provided childcare so my parents could attend lectures, some financial support for the first little while until my dad found a job, and I'm sure plenty of emotional support for my parents. But they did not raise me. My parents did. And you will not be raising your grandchild, your son and his girlfriend will.

I'm now almost 30, have a good job, etc. My parents are also happy, married, have another child (born in their 30s), and have jobs. Like millions before them, they successfully raised a child. They did not need their parents to do it for them. Your son and his girlfriend also do not need you to raise their child.

Dahlietta · 27/11/2016 22:07

Initially, this wasn't anything like as interesting as I was expecting from the title, but it has become so!

MycatsaPirate · 27/11/2016 22:07

Bet the deletion message is something about Op feeling that it's too identifiable. Instead of Op has had a hissy fit and flounced off.

Queenie32 · 27/11/2016 22:07

I agree with all previous posts, he needs to start preparing for baby and look for a job to help support emotionally, practically and financially. If he is not doing this already if he was my son I would be extremely disappointed. You don't help to make a baby then sit there gormless waiting for grandmother to look after. Also OP you will only have to 'afford' this baby if you choose to. Start as you mean to go on and don't complain if you make a rod for your own back doing everything for them. They are adults time to grow up

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2016 22:08

The best thing you can do to help your son is to not bail him out or support him financially. If you do that, he will rely on you and never learn how to stand on his own 2 feet.

Spot on. Offer him advice with practical things to do with the baby and he'll with babysitting on your terms, but this is HIS baby, not yours do you don't need to worry about affording it.

BakeOffBiscuits · 27/11/2016 22:08

Oh dear, it's all kicking off here Grin

MNHQ
LisaMumsnet · 27/11/2016 22:08

Hello everyone, yes, it's MNHQ here. As you probably know, we've received a lot of reports about this thread. We would like to remind you that the OP came on here to ask for genuine help and support in a very difficult situation and some posters have not been very kind. Please remember that the aim of Mumsnet is to make parents' lives easier - and the OP is a parent. We are going to edit the thread's title as it's being misinterpreted.