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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

251 replies

Vickyb1465 · 27/11/2016 21:08

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

OP posts:
MummyStep123 · 27/11/2016 22:08

If it helps at all my brother and his gf were young when they had my nephew (18 & 19) and I can genuinely say it's the best thing to have ever happened for my bro, he grew up, got a job and finally stopped acting like a wee Ned, not that Me or my Mum haven't ever bought nappies or formula, but his little boy coming along did him the world of good and both him and mummy are now happy in their own house and only occasionally are so skint they need to borrow £20 or so.
Congrats on becoming a grandmother!

DixieWishbone · 27/11/2016 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeggyMitchell123 · 27/11/2016 22:09

I had my son at 20, your son is an adult and he and his girlfriend will be the parents. Your son needs to get a job and continue with his degree if at university. You can provide support but don't treat him like a child.

Pigeonpost · 27/11/2016 22:10

I thought this was going to be trans issue gone wrong. Not quite how it turned out.

As the parents to be are 20 and 21 then I can't quite get worked up about it. Not as if they are 15 is it. Proper adults and everything.

Soubriquet · 27/11/2016 22:10

We've offered helpful advice Lisa

But she doesn't seem to appreciate that her son needs to get a job

user1466690252 · 27/11/2016 22:11

Why is this in teenagers when hes 20?
Also, you dont need another baby I agree. You've already got one by the sounds of it!

Mrsmadevans · 27/11/2016 22:11

Nooo surely not Gin

StarryIllusion · 27/11/2016 22:12

Look I'm going to be really blunt here. I don't want to upset you or make you feel unsupported but no reasonable answer is going to be what you want to hear and I really don't believe in sugar coating it. Your son is an adult. A grown man. He has got his gf pregnant, he wants the baby, she wants the baby. You cannot afford to play the bank of mum. To me the answer is very clear. He needs to put on his big boy pants, grow the fuck up, get a job and support his family. You are his mother! Tell him to man up for fucks sake, mummy can't sort his life out for him forever. If he can't hold down a job at 20 years old, he clearly needs some very tough love.

InTheKitchenAtParties · 27/11/2016 22:12

and thanks for nothing you lot
Don't thank us.
Thank the government, for the benefits that are supporting your son isn't looking for a job.

amysmummy12345 · 27/11/2016 22:13

Is this an advert for Pantene what with all the hair flicking and flouncing going on? Grin

treaclesoda · 27/11/2016 22:14

Well, this is...odd Confused

I thought this would be something else entirely.

NapoleonsNose · 27/11/2016 22:15

Are you coming back OP?

Vixxfacee · 27/11/2016 22:17

Wtf

SoTheySentMeA · 27/11/2016 22:17

Why would she bother coming back after the pasting she's had on here? She came for advice and people lambasted her over the wording of her post. Some mumsnetters can be right dicks sometimes.

Sparklingbrook · 27/11/2016 22:18

I don't see why the OP would want to come back.

Manumission · 27/11/2016 22:19

We would like to remind you that the OP came on here to ask for genuine help and support in a very difficult situation and some posters have not been very kind

They only took issue with "equally pregnant" and "I can't afford a baby" TBF.

It wouldn't be kind to leave some of the panicked thinking unchallenged.

NoCapes · 27/11/2016 22:20

Oh come the fuck on MNHQ Hmm

CalleighDoodle · 27/11/2016 22:21

If your son is at uni id agree with supporting him as much as you can until he finishes. Babies dont cost a lot at all, boobs, cloth nappiee, Babygrows.

If he is just lazy he (a) isnt a good dad at all and (b) needs to get a job. He needs to financially support his baby. He needs to now be an adult.

As the parent of an adult you need to ensure that happens. Your role in this is to prepare YOUR child to be an adult. YOUR CHILD'S role is to be responsible for his child.

Lynnm63 · 27/11/2016 22:21

She didn't get a pasting though. Most people gave good if frank advice namely her adult son needs to get a job and support his family. IM not sure why she asked really as she didn't need us to point that out as its stating the bleeding obvious.

BumWad · 27/11/2016 22:22

MN at its finest.

Well done everybody.

90schild · 27/11/2016 22:23

You lot Grin

GinIsIn · 27/11/2016 22:24

Which part of the OP needing to step back and let her son get on with it, and encouraging him to get a job, was 'unkind' or 'bad advice'? Hmm

Manumission · 27/11/2016 22:25

She came for advice and people lambasted her over the wording of her post. Some mumsnetters can be right dicks sometimes.

By "dicks" do you mean forthright and no-nonsense?

The "wording of her post" betrayed her thought processes. I.e. that she was financially responsible; That her son was physically involved in a pregnancy that his partner had insisted on continuing; That she and her son were somehow equal artists in welcoming the girlfriend's baby.

It all sounds very odd and panicky and if she was receptive to down to earth advice MN would be good at talking her down.

MOIST · 27/11/2016 22:25

Advice

  1. Tell him to get of his arse and get a job. Any job.
  1. Start knitting

Many thanks.

slenderisthenight · 27/11/2016 22:26

I find all the playing dumb 'What, we weren't kind???? rather cringe-worthy.