My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

She is entirley pregnant and he is not pregnant at all so hardly equal.

I agree with Hermione he's going to need to step up.

You don't have to turn your back on him at all. You can support him in his duties as a father. This means him taking responsibility for the child by working and being a good role model. Your job is not to bail him out financially.

She will get sufficient benefits on income support, child benefit and tax credits to feed and clothe themselves. Nothing lavish but enough if she's not wasting it on rubbish. So she shouldn't be asking you for basics like nappies.

He must be on jsa? or are you supporting him 100% if he's on jsa they will take around £5 for Child maintence. Ideally this will give him push to get a job or go into training. They are not 14 it's not ideal but not end of the world either.

Start by pointing him in the direction of job seekers and any bursary/child benefits they may get.

I hear what you're saying OP but your son and his gf really need to face up to reality that babies cost money and it's not up to you to provide all the financial backing. If they want the baby (and keep it) then they both need to see what they can bring to table. Time to get sensible about living and finance.

Bloody hell some of the replies on here are outrageously harsh just because of the wording in the OP.

I think the OP is saying that her DS is equally responsible for the pregnancy and for his as yet unborn child.

OP - I think the most important thing is for your DS to find a job so that he can support his GF and child.

You can help financially if you are willing and able to, but really they are grown-ups and need to act like responsible adults now.

I don't think ops attitude is horrendous
It's poorly worded but then I hate "we are pregnant" generally

I think what op means is he is equally responsible which is much preferred to "my poor boy is trapped" attitudes Iv seen on Similair threads !

I know you must feel a responsibility of course you will op it will be your grandchild and as you say are hardly going to sit by and what him or her go without milk or nappies are you however I think you may need a cruel to be kind attitude here in that you need to make sure your son gets off his arse and gets a job don't make him think this will be easy for him and that you will be picking up the pieces

But yeah - if anything other than taking on the baby yourself and paying for everything equates to 'Fuck You' in your book, then I wouldn't be surprised if your son ended up thinking of his baby as a new belonging and not really seeing the need to exert himself for it. Oh, wait...

I think OP means ' he is equally responsible'.

Hat's off to you OP for taking that view x

I don't have much advice but I do agree that 20 is hardly a grown up these days and he's lucky to have your support.

Are we reading from a different page here?

Or are you one of those helicopter parents where nothing is good enough for your precious boy and he needs shielding for the rest of his life.

What is wrong with him going out and getting a job?

no, but it is your job to teach him how to function as an adult. You can't march him to a magic job but you can refuse to make doing nothing easy for him.
There's a baby on the way, someone needs to feed and clothe it, keep a roof over it's head. It's either going to be the mother or the father.

Who paid for your children? Was it your parents, or you?

Not nasty, just realistic helpful advice. Your boy is now 20, and is soon going to have his own child. Time to take a step back and let your son and his girlfriend deal with their own consequences.

I wish my DH was as equally as pregnant as I was..
You can support him but he needs to be there for his girlfriend and get a job to pay for nappies himself, he's 20 not 12!

Not turn your back on him, just appreciate that this baby is their responsibility, not yours, and make sure you tell them that. It shouldn't cost you anything beyond whatever gifts you want to buy - if you come to them with the same attitude you've come to here, then of course they're not going to put any effort into looking after themselves.

Genuinely chuckling at "equally as pregnant" and actually thought this was going to be another Spartacus thread!!!

Your son is not pregnant your sons gf is. He is going to be a father thats his role. He will have none of the symptoms/problems of pregnancy. You though seem a bit nasty about the pregnancy as at your sons age he is an adult and can make his own choices

I get that you're upset and emotional - that's completely understandable - but you only have a couple of months to get your head around this so you have to get a grip. He's not pregnant unless he has a womb in which there is currently a foetus. So stop with that nonsense because what you're doing is belittling what the girl is going through. He can walk away, if he's a complete bastard which thankfully he is not, and she can't.

You say you can't afford a baby - so what are the practicalities? Do they both want to live with you? Are her parents supportive? You obviously love him a great deal - so you'll love his child, too. And there's nothing like parenthood to make you mature. There are websites like entitledto which will help give you an idea of what benefits they might claim and how the finances will pan out.

Absolutely no one has been nasty at all. What sort of responses were you after? You have had a lot of really helpful and supportive advice on here.

he is a grown up let him handle it. If he isn't 'able' to and you need to do the running for him then think where you went wrong in his upbringing.

Is he at college? Is there a bigger picture for him here as well?

It's not an ideal situation but he is going to have to take responsibility for his actions or he never will.

Your son and his GF are expecting a baby, she's pregnant.

it takes two, therefore he is equally as pregnant as her.

Oh sorry, I didn't know he was going to push an infant out of his genitals.

Oh wait.

Every time. They are having a baby. He is not pregnant. No man has been pregnant EVER
1.
(of a woman or female animal) having a child or young developing in the uterus.
DOES YOUR SON HAVE A UTERUS?????

I son't understand what you're getting so angry at Vicky you said you can't afford to raise a baby and asked "What the hell do I do?" almost everyone has suggested that you encourage your son to get a job and support his partner and baby.

Ok, a few people have got angry at the wording you've used. He isn't pregnant, SHE is but he is equally as responsible for the child and the cost of its upbringing. At 20yo he is plenty old enough to get a job and support them, you paying out when he refuses to isn't going to help him.