My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

Just because you don't like the advice, it doesn't make it any less valid.

He and I will carry on as we are looking after mum and baby..
This isn't your job, it's his!! That's the entirety of what you need to take away from this whole thread, so calm down and make sure he does it.

Why does your son not have a job at 20? Is he at Uni? In which case he can get part time work. I'm afraid I'd be kicking his arse to the nearest shops/restaurant/factories/offices to beg for a job.

Thread of the day.

Okay, practical advice - stop acting like your child is still a toddler, teach him to grow the fuck up, and support his family.

'He's still so young' - well, he's old enough to have got someone pregnant. So stop wanting to shield him from that, take off the rose tinted glasses and give him a kick up the arse.

As for you, back off, or you will be the MIL / grandmother from hell.

I get what you are saying actually, OP.

Ignore the bullies. You made some classic errors and it was like a sheep to the wolves :)

I'm not in your position. You might have more luck on gransnet because there is experience of every imaginable grandparenting dilemma there.

I have reported all of you to mumsnet, as you really do not offer a mum in my position with any good advice

^^ I actually gave you the benefit of the doubt before you wrote this... Reporting is to mumsnet because we haven't offered any good advice - you sound like a bored individual who is in need of some
entertainment

He's 20, not a teenager.

She's 21, not a teenager.

She's pregnant, not him. Biology & all that.

They're the parents, not you.

You gettIng pissy with people on the internet who are trying to help isn't really going to help.

You have a 20 year old, unemployed (and unwilling to get employed) son who is about to become a father. Tell him that it's time to grow the fuck up, get a job & move into a place of their own. You didn't sign up to be a mother all over again and they have chosen to keep their baby so they need to start acting like parents, not children. They're in their 20's, not 15 year olds.

I agree that these lot are a bunch of bastards.

Not one of them has welcomed you to Mumsnet

Can you imagine how bad you would have felt if your MIL acted this way towards you when your DH was pregnant with your DS 21 years ago

Bloody hell. Your son - man enough to get his gf pregnant so man enough to get a job - has to get off his arse and find a job to support HIS gf and HIS baby so that all the taxpayers in the country don't have to do it for him.

For fuck's sake.

Anyone else feeling sorry for the pregnant girlfriend

Going to report us all ? Ok then.
Are you I the uk ? If so has he looked at apprenticeships? Is his gf in employment?

The best thing you can do to support your son and gf would be to encourage both of them to either get an education, learn a trade, or get a job. That's what a responsible parent does. It's not enough to want and welcome a baby. You're a mum, you know that yourself. The best chance a child has in this world is when he has parents who support him financially as well as care for his physically.

So help your son work up a resume and point him in the direction of the local jobs office or help him get into an educational scheme. Once the gf has had the baby and is settled into motherhood, encourage her to get into a scheme, too. Offer childcare to facilitate this if you can.

That's what you can to do help them.

I feel sorry for all 3 of them TBH.

Yeah, I clicked on this thinking it was about a trans son.

You offer support where you can, and you enable him to make the best out of being a father.

You don't and can't 'do' anything else.

If he's a great dad, surely he will want to support his child by getting a job? There is no issue of whether you can afford this, the question is what he is going to do to make sure he can.

Is this a pot bellied pig by any chance?

OP, I have just read the thread and the rudest person n here is actually you.

Anyone else feeling sorry for the pregnant girlfriend

Yes. I'm waiting for the mil thread to pop up in AIBU in a couple of months

I get what you mean by equally pregnant, and you are right, he is just as responsible in this as his girlfriend. However harsh this might sound, you aren't responsible. The time has come to give him a shove. Keeping him is not going to help him, sometimes a good sharp shock is required, he will not grow up all the time he doesn't need to. " now you have your own family coming it's time for you to get a job and make your own home" needs to be the conversation. Sometimes you have to let people fall before they can carry themselves.

No doubt I will return to this in the morning and boringly find it has been deleted.
Your son is not pregnant.

Not sure what advice OP actually wanted. Two adults are having a baby, lovely. They'LL muddle through like billions of others before them.

Also I am reporting any posts containing the word "feminazi". Fed up of seeing it.

OP - The most important thing to do right now is probably to change your way of thinking: there is no (my son and I) unit with a separate (girlfriend and future baby) unit. The only unit here is (father + mother + baby). You are outside that unit, in the (grandparents, aunties/uncles, and possibly close family friends - of the father/mother!) group; who can be second-line support in the form of compliments about the father/mother's parenting and bring gifts like books and clothes for the new baby when you visit. If the father/mother are open to it, you might be able to pay for the pram (that they choose for themselves), or do some babysitting to release them for work when the baby is a lot older.
It is not your baby!