My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

No one has been nasty on this thread apart from you OP.

How to support them? Encourage him in his job hunt. Help them to find out about benefits. Talk through with them what life will be like when baby arrives. Think about how much if any financial support you are able to give them and tell them. Stuff like that.

Men who are 20 or 21 get women who are 20/21 pregnant all the time. It's really not the end of the world.

Oh and I do understand why you feel like you have to help him but instead of bank rolling him maybe you should consider helping him in other ways.

Well Vicky, your attitude stinks!

Some of the responses on this thread

Hope you are ok OP.

I thought this was a trans thread

So your ds is not pregnant and as an adult should get off his arse and try to find a job. You sound exasperated by the new baby when it's your ds who needs to step up. Not you.

Step back, be as supportive as you can without taking on his responsibility.

Eh? Your son isn't pregnant, neither is he a boy. At 20 he is a man. It's not down to you to 'afford' a baby, it is their responsibility. "What am I going to do?" You are going to offer support, advice and be non-judgemental. Plenty of people have babies at 21 and turn out to be perfectly capable.

I clicked on this thinking it would be something totally different.

I think we were both thinking the same thing, Grace.

I think people are angry because your post kind of implies that you think she shouldnt be having the baby. I apologise if i have misinterpreted it but that is how it reads to me. So when you say 'we are pregnant' and 'my son is pregnant' it reads to me like you think you have a say in what happens. You dont. Its entirely up to his gf weather she has that baby or not and all you can do is make sure that if she does then you encourage your son to step up and be a good dad.

We are not nasty, we are realistic. If you want Awww Hun, your Bubz will be ok dokey cos you're the Best Mum Evva, with a side order of FairyDust, head on over to Netmums.
If you want actual, real, practical advice then read, think, reflect and maybe grow up a little? And teach your ADULT son to do the same?

Why so negative everyone?

I've heard plenty of people announce 'We're pregnant' so I get what op meant -obviously she's not meaning physically!

Vickyb1465 - congratulations on your fab news of becoming a grandmother in 2 months, apologies I'm not sure I have any advice to help your son become ready for fatherhood but wanted to wish you congrats and best wishes

Also, wishing you and yours a great Christmas x

I have actually just laughed at the comments made by the op. She clearly doesn't want her precious adult son to get a job to support his unborn baby.
Get a grip woman and stop with all your shitty comments.
Your son is a grown man who needs to get off his arse and get some money coming in. It's that simple.

Oh and he isn't pregnant either!!

Yes, nasty nasty responses.

OP, don't panic. But unfortunately this is out of your hands now. All you can do is try to support and encourage him as a mum and grandmother. It's my your responsibility to find the money for this child. I think you will find that your son sees the reality of his responsibilities when he holds his screaming newborn in his arms but its still all just in theory for him now.

Good luck.

I am a bit unsure why this is in the Teenagers topic TBH.

I could understand your worry if your DS was a 14/15 year old lad but he's is a 20 year I assume capable of seeking employment to provide for his expected arrival. You can support him by helping him find a job but I think you need abit of tough love here they were old enough to have sex they are old enough to support their child I speak as someone who fell pregnant at 20.

OP your attitude stinks, people have offered genuine advice and you've kicked off and got personal because you weren't happy with it.

1. your son needs to get a job to support himself and his family.
2. you can be there and support him but don't need to contribute financially because you're granny not mum.
3. they're both grown ups, it's up to them to sort things out. Simple really.

What did you want to be told? Since no ones advice/opinion is good enough!?!?

"a new belonging" - I assume you meant "a new beginning", unless you meant that the new baby will be your responsibility...

And no, your son is not pregnant, no matter how involved he is.

Does she live at home? They need to be living together if he's going to take equal care of the baby.
I think you need to give him 0 money until he gets a job.
Can you help him look? Can you help them with deposit/fees etc to get into a rented place?

God I hate these threads.

Why do people ask when they don't want the answers?

No way this can be for real. Nobody thinks "my son is pregnant"

Your son gets someone pregnant. And at the age of 20, has to mature v quickly for the sake of his child.

Don't worry, your son won't have to pay for it.

The law doesn't require that fathers support their children in this country. Ask millions of single mums if you don't believe me.

I had my DD at 20 ... erm, I was an adult and we dealt with it on our own (both unemployed to start with). Our parents gave practical advice and did some knitting ... that is as far as your "role" in this goes.

Errr you don't need to do anything.

Your son needs to get a job.

His gf needs to make a claim for mat leave (if applicable), the mat grant (if applicable) and cb and tax credits when the baby is born.

He is definitely not pregnant though. Although if he is then their money worries are gone because I'm sure a TV channel would love that story.