My son's girlfriend is pregnant [title edited by MNHQ]

[Vickyb1465]

My boy, just turned 20, has got his girlfriend pregnant. She's 21 and really wants the baby. We are 7 months in, he also now wants the baby. I think he thinks of it as a new belonging. He has no job, not looking for one, she doesn't really care..I can't afford a baby....what the hell do I do 😔

I had a baby at 19, Ex was 21 - my mum bought us a Moses basket and his family bought nothing
We got our shit together, saved up, cut back and looked after our own child obviously!

Nothing any of you have said here actually helps me.. All I get is hateful comments about my intelligence. My son and I are welcoming this baby with open arms but he is still very young. I was looking for like minded people in my situation.... Not you lot, so if you don't mind, please clear off. I am looking for mums into the same boat not ones who want to horse whip him. He will be a great dad and he loves the mum....not that it s emus you lot care....I have reported all of you to mumsnet, as you really do not offer a mum in my position with any good advice. He and I will carry on as we are looking after mum and baby....and thanks for nothing you lot

The feminazis will string you up!

Ummm, Vicky what exactly did you expect mumsnetters to say, were not having a go, were just trying to hep you do what you need to do!?
Your son is not pregnant actually, but he is about to become a parent. So, if you want to help him, encourage him to realise the financial and emotional burden is his and his gf's....most definately not yours! Help him to realise they've made an adult decision to have a baby, so they need to take the adult responsibilities of parenthood....and that means finding a job and somewhere for the family to live!

Opened the thread expecting something different (disappointed face).

Report away. I'm sure mn will hurry along and tell us all off for being mean.

Epic tantrum there Vicky

Goodness OP such anger. There are. Umber of people on here who have said they were in the same situation, having a baby in their early 20's, and they dealt with it as adults. I have no idea what you expected. I am not sure what reporting us all is going to achieve.

Ok practical advice....
Are you in the U.K.?
Could you use the baby as an incentive to work and provide for as he is enthusiastic?
He will be fine :)

I think you will be out of luck trying to find 'like-minded people' to you anywhere with your current attitude - you really need to stop thinking about this as though your son was a small child and making it about you. You aren't helping him at all in the long run by absolving him of his responsibility.

WTF I've been the mum in your DS situation my familt bought afew items but we got a house together and my ex got a job to support us and I got mat leave. We didn't rely on my parents or his for that matter to finically support us. We were also the same age as your son. You need to stop hand holding your son and help him to support himself and his family now is the time to grow up because that's what happens when you have children.

Actually plenty of people defended you myself included

However even the "nastier" comments still point out the truth . You asked for advice and you have been given it

My advise to him would be: get a job. Step up. You're not a kid. I know an 18 y o (now 25) who had a kid and they're doing so well. She went back to college and now has a job. Her daughter is lovely.

Best of luck.

reading the whole thread..Your DS is not been treated like a grown up your words.. my son and I will look after the baby.

He needs to step up look for a job, what is he doing all day if not looking for a job?

At 20 it sounds like you are simply allowing him to sit on his bum and do nothing except get his G friend pregnant.

They are by the sounds of it making plans to keep the baby..They do need to figure out how to pay for it...At 20 you really shouldn't have to be drip feeding him this stuff.

I have a feeling there is a huge backstory here.

I am sure we had a thread like this not long ago but the mum of the baby was 10 years older and had 3 dc by 3 df anyone remember

All of us? Ooh, I've never been reported before. Although, coming from someone who read the word 'support' as the word 'horsewhip', I'm a bit concerned about what 'report' may actually mean.

The mum was 10 and already had 3 kids?! Did I read that right?

Errrm I offered help.

I suggest your son gets a job. This is not optional, he needs to start looking for work to support his new family.

His gf needs to make claims for the things i mentioned above (mat leave, mat grant, cb and tax credits - last two only when baby is born).

How is that not helpful?

I'm not sure what else you want!

To clarify, nobody insulted your intelligence and most of us suggested that getting a job and you stepping back to allow your son and his gf to look after their child together (like most adults do!) was the best thing for everyone. But report away, I think you'll find its your posts that break talk guidelines pal, not ours.

Is he at uni? Will he be leaving before finishing his degree and that is why you are upset?

Op, I think you are getting a thought time here. I agree that he is equally responsible for the baby. Has it taken 7mths for him to tell you?
A trip with him to a Citizens Advice, if he really can't take himself(?) might be a good move.
Where do they both live at the moment and where are they planning to live after the baby is born?
Can he really not get some form of employment? Anything?
A 'what would happen if I dropped dead tomorrow?' conversation is called for.

Vickyb1465 Yes there is some very nasty people on here, if you want advice from nice friendly people this is not the plane to post asking for advice.

Like others have said, your son is not pregnant his girlfriend is, let us just hope when the baby is actually here he steps up and finds a job.

I thought you were playing MySims or something.

Tough time