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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD Suspended from Uni

328 replies

Velvetlady · 25/10/2016 15:30

My 17 year old DD has been asked to leave her halls of residence and has been suspended from her course. Last week, she had friends round for a drink and things got out of hand. Neighbours complained to the Police about noise and a window was broken! One of DD's friends invited boys round once DD had gone to bed & one of them stole food belonging to her flatmates! My DD apologized to all involved and replaced the food and paid for the window to be fixed. However, the other day DD got called out of class to speak to the head of her course and the Accommodation Officer. They had a letter from DD's flatmate reporting her for drinking alcohol under age. DD was asked to leave the halls by 5pm and has been suspended from classes until a disciplinary hearing. DD wasn't able to pack her in time and had about half her belongings thrown out by the security guard. I'm so angry at DD! However, I do feel she has been treated harshly for one episode of bad behaviour. Has anyone else had a child go through a disciplinary at uni?

OP posts:
whifflesqueak · 25/10/2016 15:32

she's at uni but was drinking underage?

SymphonyofShadows · 25/10/2016 15:35

It's either worse than she's told you or it's not an isolated incident.

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2016 15:36

Whiffle Read the OP, it says she's 17. It's common in Scotland.

OP, from what I can gather universities are really strict with underage drinking from students as it can put older students in awkward positions. Did she have other incidents with the housemate as I wonder whether there's more to it if she actually reported her to the uni. Have there been more drunken parties?

Emochild · 25/10/2016 15:38

Depends on her contract

There are some deal breakers and drinking underage is one of them

Some unis won't have 17 year olds in standard halls and shepherd them into specific flats

Her room mate sounds like a cow though for reporting her -she's a student ffs

whifflesqueak · 25/10/2016 15:39

oh yeah. sorry. missed that.

OddBoots · 25/10/2016 15:39

It does seem harsh but I guess if they aren't harsh then there is a risk that there will need to be a blanket ban on under 18s going to university.

I hope the hearing happens soon and that she can get back on with her course as soon as it is over.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/10/2016 15:41

Her room mate sounds like a cow though for reporting her -she's a student ffs

Parties, inviting males round, underage drinking, stealing and breaking stuff, yet the flatmate is a "cow".

Sounds like the flatmate has her priorities right.

Aderyn2016 · 25/10/2016 15:41

I'd get legal advice. The uni shouldn't be taking action on the word of one flatmate who presumably had also been drinking. Can they prove that your dd was drinking alcohol? The flatmate sounds like a right nasty bitch.

Before you kick off though, have serious words with your dd and make sure there isn't more to this than she is admitting to. She wouldn't be the first to not want to show herself in the worst light.

GruochMacAlpin · 25/10/2016 15:43

I would imagine if her flat mate reported her and police were called that it's a great deal worse that she told you.

Why were the friends there after DD had gone to bed? If she invited them she's responsible for them - no wonder the flat mates are furious.

Cherylene · 25/10/2016 15:44

It seems to be mixed up to on the one hand chuck her out for drinking under 18, and on the other hand to chuck her out on her ear, when she is under 18 and more vulnerable Hmm. Surely they have some duty of care?

TBH, what she did was par for the course for over 18s, so it should not have a harsher penalty. Who was supplying the alcohol?

You need a written account of the reasons from the uni.

I, too would be concerned that there was more to it than this, point her towards casual Christmas employment fast and work from there - it may be better for her to go to university later.

Milklollies · 25/10/2016 15:44

I second boneyback's post.

OP your daughter needs to learn fast or This will not be the knly occurance

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2016 15:47

I bet this isn't the first drunken incident, I wonder if she's a bit of a housemate from hell if a housemate has reported? I had drunken uni years but the housemate is not 'nasty bitch ' for not wanting broken windows and her property stolen while she sleeps!!

TheFairyCaravan · 25/10/2016 15:51

The flatmate sounds like a right nasty bitch.

Yeah, course they do! They were the one making the noise, getting the police called, smashing windows, stealing food and making a bloody nuisance of themselves, weren't they?

It's all the flatmate's fault! Hmm

CotswoldStrife · 25/10/2016 15:52

Sorry, I also suspect that there is more to this than you've been told. Yes underage drinking is breaking the law but it's not the Uni's concern. Behaviour in the halls of residence is the Uni's business so I think it's something that has happened there. It would seem that they will not let her back into halls even if she gets back on her course if they have asked her to pack and leave (how did she not have enough time?).

Hope she has a date for the disciplinary quickly and she can plan for the future.

PlumsGalore · 25/10/2016 15:56

I think there must be more to this then the daughter is telling mum. So the 17 year old has been thrown out onto the street with her belongings on the word of another flatmate.

I don't know the set up, but it was in Halls, weren't there any wardens attending the site before the police? it doesn't usually IME go straight from noise to police in halls of residence. The wardens would be the first on site.

Cannot comment on Scottish universities though.

PollyHampton · 25/10/2016 15:59

There would have been a thorough investigation into the incidents so I would make sure your DD is telling you EVERYTHING including previous events if there has been. Suspending a student is a long and difficult process so I doubt the university would have done it on the say so of another student. Ask to see all the paperwork relating to the suspension too.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/10/2016 16:00

17 is so young to go to Uni. Both of mine deferred a year and still felt a bit young at 19. I think you have a better experience if you are just that little bit more mature.

expatinscotland · 25/10/2016 16:02

Don't think it's too harsh at all. Wish all unis did this. If it's bad enough for the police to come it's pretty bad. Good on the flatmate! I had shit flatmates who did stuff like this. It made my life hell and pissed me off to no end putting up with their parties, bringing a bunch of obnoxious, drunk strangers round and eating my food/destroying property.

Percyp1g · 25/10/2016 16:03

Getting suspended from uni is very very difficult. we're these friends of hers also students at the same uni? If not, the blame won't be spread as it must've been DD who invited them in and therefore she is the one who has responsibility for their actions.

pictish · 25/10/2016 16:04

I'm another who thinks you should hold fire until you find out what really went on...and it will be more than she's letting on to you. I'd bet my last tenner on it.

WalrusGumboot · 25/10/2016 16:05

How do you get into uni that young? I thought A Levels were taken aged 18??

Misssss · 25/10/2016 16:05

This isn't that flatmates fault. I had to put up with shit like this at uni until one day I lost it and wrote a very strongly worded letter. The trouble makers were thrown out the next day.

Has this been the only incident? I doubt it if police were called. I also doubt that the flatmate was the only person who complained. Not sure why OP is attempting to minimise her dd's awful
Behaviour.

pictish · 25/10/2016 16:06

They certainly did not suspend her from the course or lob her out of halls on the strength of a letter from her flatmate or one isolated incident of drunken behaviour. About that you can be sure.

GruochMacAlpin · 25/10/2016 16:09

Tinkly plenty of Scots go to Uni at 17yo and manage to behave themselves.

Velvet this must be very worrying for you. I'd be trying to find out exactly what's been going on (via the police and flat mates if necessary)

There are lots of academics and lecturers on MN - hopefully someone will be able to advise further on Uni disciplinary procedures.

MistressDeeCee · 25/10/2016 16:10

Oh dear - your DD was wrong but I do think she's being very harshly punished, she's been really silly that can happen when you're young - people can be very unforgiving and disparaging of youth on MN tho God forbid a youngster should be non-perfect or not as mature and sensible as a grown adult so I do hope you've got your hard hat on!

Is there any help or support or representation she can get for disciplinary hearing? Especially representation? Hopefully you are arranging all that

No doubt she's upset regretful and feeling like shit already. Whats done is done of course you have to give her the hard talk and obviously she now knows all too well there are consequences to behaving inappropriately. Moving on, help her as much as you can and I hope she can get back to her studies eventually and learn a lesson from all this Flowers