DD Suspended from Uni

[Velvetlady]

My 17 year old DD has been asked to leave her halls of residence and has been suspended from her course. Last week, she had friends round for a drink and things got out of hand. Neighbours complained to the Police about noise and a window was broken! One of DD's friends invited boys round once DD had gone to bed & one of them stole food belonging to her flatmates! My DD apologized to all involved and replaced the food and paid for the window to be fixed. However, the other day DD got called out of class to speak to the head of her course and the Accommodation Officer. They had a letter from DD's flatmate reporting her for drinking alcohol under age. DD was asked to leave the halls by 5pm and has been suspended from classes until a disciplinary hearing. DD wasn't able to pack her in time and had about half her belongings thrown out by the security guard. I'm so angry at DD! However, I do feel she has been treated harshly for one episode of bad behaviour. Has anyone else had a child go through a disciplinary at uni?

[dancerdog]

*Uni of course. I did learn to spell before I went there....!

[SomeDyke]

Just been looking at the contracts for halls of residence at my uni, and they are very strict! Not like a rental property, but more like staying in a hotel. No loud noise between 11:00pm and 8am, no parties, only occasional overnight adult (over 18) visitors. Basically, if you do anything to annoy others or stop them studying, you are in breach.

And they have the right to enter your room at any time for any reason.

Given the hassle I had when I was a graduate student from persistent noise from the room next door, I wish my uni then had been so strict! And I would not be at all surprised if unis are much stricter now, given that many students have a considerable financial investment in their study, and can't afford to mess about. Add in the likelihood of overseas students from different cultures (who together usually make a considerable contribution to university finances), and the fact that some parents may be unwilling to fund studies unless they can feel assured that standards are kept to................

Mind you, not like when I was at a conference at Cambridge, and the college porters had to explain very seriously to several distinguished professors that yes they really did mean it when they said that no one apart from Fellows of the college were allowed to walk on the grass.................

[Kr1stina]

All Scottish universities take students with Highers. And with the Irish leaving certificate and the IB and many many other qualifications from all around the world . There's a whole world out there outside England you know .

St. Andrews have a minimum age of 17.5 years. That's not really anything to do with entrance qualifications. Age and entrance qualifations are two separate things, you can apply to university at 17 , 27 or 57.

And I'm not really sure why it's relevant to the thread, there's no reason to think that the OP is lying because her DD is 17, no matter where in the UK she is a student. No one said her DD is 16.

[Velvetlady]

DD has left to go and stay with a uni friend. She wont tell me any more and gives me the same version of events everytime I ask. She wasn't getting on with one of her flat mates who wouldn't let het go to the pub with the rest of the flat as she is under 18 and she had mentioned the other girl from her course in her flat had moved into another flat as she was being picked on by two other flat mates. I think relationships were strained prior to all this happening.

[manicinsomniac]

Fair enough, dancerdog , I stand corrected.

[sadie9]

Sounds like she is struggling to manage the peer pressure in the Accommodation halls. At 17, what happens is, people hear there is a 'party' at such and such a room, people just go there and show up regardless of who is having the party. The 'host' just gets drunk and goes to bed, then more partygoers (whom the host does not know or certainly are not close friends) show up and trash the joint and steal food because they are young and foolish and drunk and it seems hilarious at the time (5am and someone else's gaff). These young people are lovely, polite and well brought up. But are also 17, drunk out of their minds on cheap alcohol, away from parents for the first time, and boundaries go out of the window.
A tired, drunken 17 year old girl who's eaten 1 sandwich all day and drunk a pile of homemade 'punch' is not in a position to make 4 sturdy young lads leave her flat to be honest, especially if she doesn't know them.
It may be unreasonable to ask her to manage those sorts of situations especially if she is drunk.
The other flatmates 'neighbours' may have been frightened by the partygoers they did not know, roaring and shouting etc.

[dancerdog]

Eh, does Glasgow Uni count as a 'good' Scottish uni? I think it does.

[Tuktuktaker]

She might perhaps be better off renting a room in a family home, even? As to private halls, I'm not convinced by them, even less so since reading this: Student accommodation awards.
Hope it all gets sorted out satisfactorily for your daughter, OP. The personal tutor confidentiality thing is a bit odd to me, is she not actually still officially under your guardianship at the age of 17?

[BowieFan]

I was at a good university and our halls were wild. What I was saying is that - yes, she might be underage, but so what? She's 17, hardly a child. In the US, their drinking age is 21 and so you get the ridiculous idea that students are supposed to not drink! They have wild parties there but nobody gets done for it.

Like I said, she might have broken a law but it hardly warrants what has happened. Students break the law all the time - not paying for a TV licence, drug taking etc but they turn a blind eye then, don't they?

[Kr1stina]

Velvet - will she send you a photo of the letters / copy emails she has from the uni ?

Have you checked her accommodation contract ?

Ask her to email her tutor and give her permission to discuss the situation with you .

BTW you sign a contract for the whole year, you can't just move out and into another flat when you want to .

I'm sorry , this must be awful for you

[OurBlanche]

Then, from your update, I think all you can do is be there for her.

If she has only been remove from Halls and not her course then that will be easier to sort. Private rent and keep your fingers crossed that she learns a lesson from this, as it is quite likely that she gave as good as she got in any relationship straining!

However, does the Uni friend live in Halls? If she does then having DD stay will definitely cause her a problem!

[PaulDacresConscience]

I could have gone to Uni at 17 as my Highers gave me enough UCAS points to do so. I only stayed for 6th year as my DM asked me to wait until I was 18 before I left home for Uni.

[Musicaltheatremum]

Most scottish students applying to scottish universities get unconditional offers for their courses as long as they have attained the right highers. My son needed ABBB for neuroscience and got AAAB. Most people sit 5 (son dropped one as his dad died 8 weeks before the exams). But you often only need 4 except for medicine and law and a few others. He was given a conditional offer of AAB at advanced higher to go straight into 2nd year. It does take some of the pressure of in the final year at school though.

[toptoe]

Perhaps she should consider taking a year out? Is she a bit young for all this? What does she want to do?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Well at least that's something, Velvet. Hopefully your daughter will not have an issue in alternative accommodation. Will you be attending the disciplinary with her? I think somebody should be there with her.

I too think that there was more going on than you've been told but the immediate issue is the alternative accommodation - and the fact that it's only a suspension and not an expulsion.

You must be relieved/horrified in equal measure. For you

[Velvetlady]

Her friend stays in a private rent flat with her boyfriend. She phoned me and told me that DD had been getting "slagged off" by her flatmates and their was some horrible rumors going about regarding DD which her friend knew weren't true. DD won't reply to my texts just now.

[Boisderose]

Blimey. It all sounds awful. Could she take a year off and start again somewhere else?

[Marbleheadjohnson]

Ah Velvet, that's not on. It sounds like, whatever has happened before and whoever was at fault, she is better off away from them. If there is any whiff of bullying she should also report this, the university should take it seriously. She's cocked up royally but it will come out in the wash.

[ohdearme1958]

Velvet i had to fly to the U.K. and take my daughter out of halls and rent a house for her to stay in. Her flat mates were a nightmare. And yes, there were even bad feelings and strained relationships going on with the flat upstairs. In fact the day I arrived there was a bedsheets hanging from the window upstairs with Wankers written on it and an arrow pointing down to my daughters shared apartment. I hadn't told her I was coming. I wanted to just turn up and see what was going on. The security guy took me up to her apartment and two blokes answered the door and said I couldn't go in because their mate lived there and he'd said they could stay over but not to let anyone in. She said it was a nightmare. Never knowing who she'd find in the house in the morning or when she went home. I had her and another girl out of there and into a hotel two hours later and 2 days later I'd rented them a house.

She was 9 hours away from home by air and her first semester at uni was a bloody nightmare.

[Velvetlady]

She has a disciplinary hearing next month so we will know where we stand next month regarding DD returning to uni. DD's friend stated DD had been in trouble twice since the start of term. She arrived late for a lecture with her friend and wasn't allowed in and got asked to leave a class as her phone went off. Both things happend with the same lecturer.

[YelloDraw]

BTW you sign a contract for the whole year, you can't just move out and into another flat when you want to

You can request a transfer. There is often some movement a few weeks in - some people go home and quite, others move halls/flats because they don't get on with flat mates etc.

OP can you dive there and go see her in person? Probably needs a hug at the moment.

[Xenophile]

Students break the law all the time - not paying for a TV licence, drug taking etc but they turn a blind eye then, don't they?

Not any more, no. There is a zero tolerance policy at my uni for drugs. You get caught taking them or with them, you're out. Same with the TV licence, if you don't have one, and get caught, you get fined and a criminal record. If students break the law, they might get some hand holding from the SU, but they can and are penalised by the Uni.

The days of being able to fuck up everyone around you's university experience by acting like an idiot are, thankfully, over.

[YelloDraw]

I think it would be good to have a gap year and a fresh start next year tho

[MaudGonneMad]

DD's friend stated DD had been in trouble twice since the start of term. She arrived late for a lecture with her friend and wasn't allowed in and got asked to leave a class as her phone went off. Both things happend with the same lecturer.

This is very strange. I'm a uni lecturer - this happens all the time and wouldn't trigger any sort of disciplinary procedure whatsoever.