DD Suspended from Uni

[Velvetlady]

My 17 year old DD has been asked to leave her halls of residence and has been suspended from her course. Last week, she had friends round for a drink and things got out of hand. Neighbours complained to the Police about noise and a window was broken! One of DD's friends invited boys round once DD had gone to bed & one of them stole food belonging to her flatmates! My DD apologized to all involved and replaced the food and paid for the window to be fixed. However, the other day DD got called out of class to speak to the head of her course and the Accommodation Officer. They had a letter from DD's flatmate reporting her for drinking alcohol under age. DD was asked to leave the halls by 5pm and has been suspended from classes until a disciplinary hearing. DD wasn't able to pack her in time and had about half her belongings thrown out by the security guard. I'm so angry at DD! However, I do feel she has been treated harshly for one episode of bad behaviour. Has anyone else had a child go through a disciplinary at uni?

Different universities have different procedures. However, it's unlikely that your DD was suspended from her course and put out of halls on the word of one flatmate. It sounds as though your DD isn't being entirely honest.
Usually universities try to resolve issues using their own security staff before escalating to police so if the police were involved then it suggests the disturbance was well beyond what you would usually expect from students.
Contact the university guidance staff for support and details on the disciplinary procedure. Ask how many people will be on the panel and if your dd can bring someone with her. Also, ask for details of the full complaint.
Remember universities are used to dealing with students so it's likely that she has been treated fairly rather than harshly.

Walrus it's common for Scottish students to go to Uni at 17yo. Occasionally even at 16yo.

Security threw out her stuff? Has she got it back?

I would imagine if her flat mate reported her and police were called that it's a great deal worse that she told you.

I agree.

I don't think you are getting the whole story here.

Gruoch I know it's common, but personally I think you have a better experience if you are a little older. What's the rush anyway?

It's hard to judge this without knowing all sides of the story. Get an official letter from the uni with reasons for her dismissal, consequences, details of disciplinary hearing. Look up uni statutes on discipline and make sure these are followed (usually available online). Also check if the student union has some kind of advocacy service - they are usually separate from the administration and can be helpful to have onside. Letter of apology from her to uni, flatmates and possibly neighbours for noise. Sit your DD down and ask her to talk to you honestly and go from there. Flatmates seem to have snaked her out a bit with the complaint but I wouldn't put up with shit from a flatmate either so I see both sides.

Having her stuff chucked out was wrong - when I left uni mid-term for health reasons I had to leave that day but was allowed to come back to pack up. Agree with PP about Christmas temp jobs, get her to keep reading over her course material, doing chores etc. She will be feeling very lost and will appreciate firm but loving guidance. It might be a good thing for her to have a gap year and go to uni later - it is a massive transition that IMO is massively underestimated by first years and parents alike.

'Oh dear - your DD was wrong but I do think she's being very harshly punished, she's been really silly that can happen when you're young - people can be very unforgiving and disparaging of youth on MN tho God forbid a youngster should be non-perfect or not as mature and sensible as a grown adult so I do hope you've got your hard hat on! '

Yes, she's just been a silly dear. I have been that young uni student who had flatmates like this. Had my property destroyed, my food eaten, strangers trying to come into my room that my fuckwit flatmate had invited, couldn't get to sleep for fuckwit flatmates who partied all night all the time and you're damn right I did the best I could to get fucking rid of them. Not everyone has time or money to spunk away 4 years at uni partying.

Hope they throw the book at students like this and get rid. There's no doubt it's not an isolated incident.

I partied and went out, but never fucked up someone else's property or had the police come out because I was being a dick.

Wif the flat mate called the police it's likey worse than she saying and it's not the first time she has pissed her off

Clearly not mature enough to be away from him op

Try a uni she can travel to from home

All the questions about how can people go to uni at 17 and how can they do that without having done A levels. This is why we have Scotsnet as people are incapable of imagining a world that isn't the English school system.

As has been said, it's perfectly possible for Scottish students to be at Uni with the correct qualifications at 16 and a half.

OP I think there must be more to it or maybe some has been exaggerated. I'm not surprised you are angry, realistically you need (or actually your DD needs) to think about what your DD can do now. Has she completely burned her boats, is there a chance she will be able to reapply for next year with a bit of a lesson learned?

I am sorry OP, but none of that sounds convincing to me. I worked on and FE/HE campus for donkeys years, lots of 16, 17 year olds sharing a residential campus with HE students! I took my turn in 'warden' duties, so know quite a bit about some of the usual sanctions.

How long has she been suspended for?
What does the suspension letter say?
Does it outline any further sanctions or include anything she must do before returning?

Alcohol, breakages etc will all have set punishments, from payment to X days suspension and apologies and behaviour contracts. So your DD will have more information about this. I too doubt that this is a single instance, though it is a bad one... party, alcohol, theft and damages!

As she has been suspended not expelled then her belongings would not have been thrown out as she would have been expected to return after her suspension was over. However, had it been drugs she may well have been instantly expelled. Many universities have an absolute zero tolerance for drugs, so do check!

Sorry, but I think you may need to do a bit more digging into what happened before you go to bat for her!

BoneyBackJefferson

Did you go to Uni? This is par for the course. It's not OP's daughter who stole but a 'friend' of hers. She apologised and replaced the food. She's being treated far worse than an over-18 would.

Are you basing your understanding of this on your DD's word? She'll have got information in writing, so if she's willing, have a good read of it. I work in a university and I find it hard to believe as an account of what a university might do, although all-too-believable as an account of what a student might tell a parent.

I'm surprised if her belongings really were thrown out by the security guard. Worth checking if they've been stored somewhere.

The suspension itself isn't a punishment, so it may well be that she'll be allowed back (depending on what actually happened). Have a look at the disciplinary policy on the website. You/she should ask the university what steps it will take to avoid disadvantage to her studies while she is suspended - she might be able to keep up with reading etc online.

'She's being treated far worse than an over-18 would.'

Because she's been drinking underage. Duh. I seriously doubt she's been treated worse than any other student who behaves this way excepting the fact she broke the law underage drinking. Yeah, yeah, happens all the time, but she got caught big time.

She's being treated far worse than an over-18 would. As you might expect as she has broken a law of the land...

Also, from what the OP knows, neighbours have complained, the police were called and the invited, presumably non resident, friends who brought in the males... were left to their own devices when OPs DD had 'gone to bed', so she didn't exercise any of the expected care, courtesy and consideration that the Halls T+Cs would include - let alone common sense!

It is no good trying to defend her without knowing precisely what it is that the University have evidenced and acted on.

As others have said, given the severity of the punishment, this is unlikely to have been a first offence.

My DD's halls flat last year was pretty wild (loud music, parties, yes and drugs) but they got away with a couple of warnings from security and no one was suspended or anything.

I suppose the difference was that they were all equally up for it (ticked the box for wanting a "lively sociable" hall, and no one got pissed off.

Under age drinking is not against the law. It might be against her acommodation rules, but it is not a criminal offence for a 17 year old to drink on private property.

I don't think it's an overreaction; the university has to protect the flatmates who have stuck to the rules. It's a shit lesson to learn and I feel bad for your daughter, she will no doubt feel stupid and remorseful. But I don't think the uni has been too harsh. Your daughter will have signed an accommodation contract, she has breached the rules seriously and has to deal with the consequences. The underage drinking was probably just the cherry on the cake.

I've dealt with some disciplinary stuff at university; the procedures should be published and easy for you to find. The advice up-thread about speaking to the union is good, they will be able to help before and during the formal hearings. It will be good for her to show remorse, recognise how serious this is and take responsibility for her actions rather than say she's been treated unfairly.

BowieFan

Uni twice (both paid for by myself) and a residential agricultural college @ 16.

So been there bought the hat, t-shirt etc.

If you think that this is par for the course I am happy that I didn't go to the uni that you went to.

So, derailing the thread a tad, how does it work if a Scot wishes to attend a University outside London? Are the qualifications they obtain at 16 (Highers presumably) equivalent to A levels obtained at 18? Are they even allowed in to non Scottish Uni's at 18? And at what age do they obtain GCSE equivalents?

I'd encourage her to accept her punishment gracefully.

Unless she isn't telling the whole story, I think this is very very harsh. I would assume there is more to it because what she has told you is fairly typical student behaviour. Unpleasant, immature, cringeworthy to an adult - but ultimately normal, for freshers in particular.

I had a couple of 17 year old friends at an English university (one was Scottish, the other had missed a year of Junior school so was just ahead) and they were never treated any differently to the rest of us. It was assumed that everyone in a student bar was 18 and there was no IDing. We tended not to go into public bars and clubs because there were so many student ones to choose from.

I was very young for my age and didn't even drink alcohol for the first 2.5 years of being a student. But I would never ever have considered reporting a friend. Might seem reasonable to an adult but I'm surprised at an 18 year old reporting it.

Having said that, I get the impression that students take their studies a whole lot more seriously nowadays than our generations did. They are paying so much money to be there that skipping a 9am lecture due to a hangover and writing essays overnight on their due date no longer seem par for the course.

*attend a University outside Scottland (sorry)

What uni is she at? I was at Edinburgh and our halls were pretty wild... (To my now embarrassment as no, younger me, you were not cool- you would have been a noisy little shit at times! 😳) to actually be asked to leave, I'm guessing like pp say this doesn't sound like a one off sadly.

And now I've misspelt Scotland