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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

things couldnt get any worst, dd was admitted to hospital today after self harming

203 replies

SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:12

any one who has read my thread regarding my daughter will know that the last few months have been very tough.
lately her outbursts have become more violent, she has assaulted me on 2 ocassions and my 2 younger children are so distressed they scream the house down when dd kicks off, ds(5), stands with his face to the wall, covering his eyes and sobbing uncontrollably
today, when i told her that she couldnt have her boyfriend round, she went beserk, vandalised her room again and slashed her arms open with arazor, her arms are already a mess from the fconstant self harming..i couldnt take anymore and rang the gp who arranged for her to be seen in hospital.
the situation now is, she has been referred to the mental health team and she sees the pschyciatric link nurse tomorrow..however they are notifying social services..im not abad parent, ive done everything in my power to stop all this, im so exhausted with it all, its going to destroy my family
a lot of the reason for my own extremely low feelings are down to all this.

OP posts:
Frizbe · 01/02/2007 23:14

{{{{Hugs}}} SC, I don't know what I can say to make things any better, but I hope she gets the help she needs, without it destroying all of you. Its not your fault.

fransmom · 01/02/2007 23:14

oh sc you are not a bad mother, you are doing the best you can for all your family. your daughter is going to be getting the help she needs. i'm sorry if i'm not much help but i just didn't want you to think your op had gone unanswered x

littleducks · 01/02/2007 23:15

honestly, i dont think that this is a bad thing, she needs help and hopefully she will get it now, ss being involved will probably be stressful for you but doesnt mean you are a bad parent, see this as a turning point things need to change for the happiness of everyone

hope that doesnt sound to harsh

moondog · 01/02/2007 23:15

Oh mu God!
How horrid for you.All of you.
What role is your dh playing in all of this?

crystalpony · 01/02/2007 23:16

Sorry, I don't know the background, but I work with teenagers with similar behaviour to your daughter...when did the behaviour begin and do you know what your daughter is angry about? (Obviously not about her boyfriend not staying over or whatever, I mean what is the root of the anger?)

Califrau · 01/02/2007 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:17

frizbe-it feels like my fault, what have i done that is so bad that my dd sits in bedroom gouging her arms open, ds1(12), seems to deal quite well with it all..outwardly..the 2 younger ones are only 5 and 2, i dont want them to end up completely screwed up because all they remember is dd attacking me and self harming.
she told me today that it was all my fault and that she hates me and wishes i was dead

OP posts:
wotzsaname · 01/02/2007 23:18
Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:19

moondog-he has been quite good really and is here now as i type talking to dd in her room, she has refused to go to hospital with me tomorrow and will only go if he takes her.

OP posts:
Frizbe · 01/02/2007 23:19

SC but its not your fault, she needs professional help, its a chemical imbalance thing, nothing to do with parenting {{{Hugs}}} my heart goes out to you, be strong.

Dior · 01/02/2007 23:20

Message withdrawn

Nemo2007 · 01/02/2007 23:20

Sc you KNOW it isnt your fault, SH is not about other people at all it is about your DD trying to cope with her feelings. She has 2 parents and as a family you have all been through hell and back the past couple of years. IT is bound to have affected her and you so please please do not take it all on your shoulders. She is in the best place and phoning the GP was a positive move and she should get the help and support she needs. I know you have been trying for a while to get help and this will do it. As for social services, of course you are not a bad parent and that is obvious.

wotzsaname · 01/02/2007 23:22

{{{{{{{{{{hug{}}}}}}}}}}} i think it woz the wrong type of before...feck--ing newbies! Still, i have seen our threads and i am thinking of you.

mamama · 01/02/2007 23:22

Of course you've done everything you could have - you are obviously a good mother.

I know this is awful for all of you, but maybe now you can get some help - for your dd & your family. She obviously has a lot of things she needs to sort out. She sounds very angry - I haven't seen your other thread so I don't know anything about your situation but I am sure she has blamed you because it is easiest - it doesn't mean that it is what she truly believes.

I'm sorry I can't say anything more helpful but I wanted you to know I had read this and am thinking of you.

{{hugs}}

Molesworth · 01/02/2007 23:22

{{{{{ SC }}}}}

I felt mortified about social services getting involved with my dd, but they were really helpful and supportive. This might be a blessing in disguise?

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:24

i hope she does finally get the help, ive been trying for 2 years to get help for her, but things have been really bad for about a year..its built up and built up..i was desperate when i rang the gp, i needed them to see her arms when they were fresh, so many times in the past, shes seen counsellors etc and lies about her self harming

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:25

molesworth i hope you are right..i know you said in the past they had been a great help to you.

you should see her room, it looks like its been burgled, gouge marks down the walls, furniture smashed up

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 01/02/2007 23:25

exactly what Nemo said. at least this latest crisis means that the psych team should realise that something is up this time - and if she has reached a low she should be more inclined to be honest about her feelings

sallystrawberry · 01/02/2007 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nemo2007 · 01/02/2007 23:29

Spacey trashing her room is just part of the release and I know it doesnt seem like it but while she SHs it means she hasnt given up she is just trying to cope. It is scarey to see someone SH as it is to be a self harmer but it is also a form of controlling your life when you feel it is slipping from grasp. The psych team will help her and get her on meds to then start looking at the deeper issues. You may find they dont spend much time actually on the SH itself and she may continue to do it for some time but it will get better.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:32

she said it was all my fault, that id been an awful mother..she said some dreadful things tonight..but shes had a happy life..or so i thought

OP posts:
Molesworth · 01/02/2007 23:32

I haven't been around on mn much lately but you have been in my thoughts often and I'm just really sorry things haven't got better for you and your dd SC

Nemo2007 · 01/02/2007 23:33

spacey she is a teenager, how many times as a teen did you blame others for everything that happened. Regardless of what it is thats bothering her you have tried to help her in the only way you know how, by being her mum. Please dont tear yourself down about it, to be honest you may not know what has happened to make her like this.

Heathcliffscathy · 01/02/2007 23:35

SC, is it possible for you to allow the thought into your mind that what your dd is going through is NOT to do with you? but that you may not know what it is about? she may have gone through something that you are not aware of?

I would welcome the help of the mental health team... they are there to support you as a family...although it may feel very frightening atm.

sorry you are all going through this.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:35

molesworth-i havent been on myself much lately, largely due to ill health and all this.

OP posts:
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