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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

things couldnt get any worst, dd was admitted to hospital today after self harming

203 replies

SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:12

any one who has read my thread regarding my daughter will know that the last few months have been very tough.
lately her outbursts have become more violent, she has assaulted me on 2 ocassions and my 2 younger children are so distressed they scream the house down when dd kicks off, ds(5), stands with his face to the wall, covering his eyes and sobbing uncontrollably
today, when i told her that she couldnt have her boyfriend round, she went beserk, vandalised her room again and slashed her arms open with arazor, her arms are already a mess from the fconstant self harming..i couldnt take anymore and rang the gp who arranged for her to be seen in hospital.
the situation now is, she has been referred to the mental health team and she sees the pschyciatric link nurse tomorrow..however they are notifying social services..im not abad parent, ive done everything in my power to stop all this, im so exhausted with it all, its going to destroy my family
a lot of the reason for my own extremely low feelings are down to all this.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceCadet · 02/02/2007 20:58

only just got your text by the way, my fone has been off.
no it didnt come as a surprise, i knew and lets face it, i havent been a shining example in that department.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 02/02/2007 20:59

SC, I've just seen this thread.
Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you.
xx

liquidclocks · 02/02/2007 21:02

Space - it sounds like she has an advocate in the child psychologist - I really hope it's enough to get her some support.

It's so sad to hear that she feels a failure and worthless. I don't know how this will sound to you having been through so much yourself - but I always felt that having no 'reason' made it worse, like it wasn't valid, I should just pull myself together and didn't deserve help. My mum was never there for me, she'd no idea what was going on - whatever you you might think DD is lucky to have you. Hang in there and use your support network.

mummytosteven · 02/02/2007 21:04

I really believe OCD is a chemical/neurological inbuilt issue, not something that kids would develop due to seeing a parent's behaviour. Hopefully now it's diagnosed, if that can be dealt with (I imagine CBT rather than meds at this age but who knows) that will reduce some of the pressure on her.

Overrun · 02/02/2007 21:06

spacecadet - it sounds like they will discuss you dd's case at their multi disciplinary meeting or panel (probably similar) I know it might seem odd that the psychologist has to do this, but if professionals from different disciplines discuss your dd, they can pool their different specialisms to help your dd get the correct support.
I am sorry that you felt un listened to in the summer, there is a reluctance to get children in the psychiatric system which can mean that things have to get to total breaking point before you get help.
Hopefully it will move forward now

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 02/02/2007 21:41

mts-no they havent said anything aboutmeds.
id rather not go down that road i i can help it tbh.
overun, thanks for the advice..i think things are different this time as opposed to in the summer as dd has accepted she needs help and answered everything truthfully, she told the doctor that she wanted to kill herself

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 02/02/2007 21:51

mummytosteven, I totally disagree that it is an inbuilt issues. which doesn't mean that parents are 'to blame'.

CBT can be very effective certainly in the shor term.

OCD symptoms are about anxiety management. As is self-harming.

runkid · 02/02/2007 22:01

Hi Spacey
You are not a bad mum and social services arent involved because of that,they will give help and support for you and your children not just dd.
Sometimes you just have to step back and if she doesnt want you at her appointments etc let her go alone it is what i had to do. She will come through all of this you will see hopefully she is finally going to get the help she needs.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 02/02/2007 22:06

runkid-she actually let me sit and ciddle her today..which was a step forward

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceCadet · 02/02/2007 22:07

cuddle-not ciddle

OP posts:
runkid · 02/02/2007 22:40

Ah bless maybe she is coming around and going to take that leap and let you help i hope so

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 02/02/2007 23:03

its a start thats she has admitted she needs help

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AMAZINWOMAN · 03/02/2007 14:15

your daughter is lucky to have you, I dont know what its like to self harm, but your daughter must be finding it really dificult too. She is going through a traumatic time too, but SHE HAS YOUR LOVe.

You are cuddling her and telling her that you love her. Your dh is being there for her by taking her to hospital too. She knows that you are both there for her.

She is lucky to have you both.

Pixiefish · 04/02/2007 08:42

Wondering how you both are today Spacey

TeeCee · 04/02/2007 08:58

Oh SpaceCadet, I'm so sorry. You DD sounds exactly like my stepsister. I really hope that she turns a corner soon. I'm so sorry

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 04/02/2007 11:53

we have talked a lot this weekend, the doctor we saw at the young persons centre told h that amongst other stuff, dd had depression, anxiety, ocd and social paranoia
dd looks pale and ill and im not sending her to school tomorrow, im ringing them up to explain whats happened.

OP posts:
Biglips · 04/02/2007 11:55

oh no SC... ive only just come across this thread for the first time...im so sorry to hear about your dd ...hope she will get all the help that she will need to help her better {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 04/02/2007 13:46

thanks-we will find out on friday if her referral has been succesful

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Pixiefish · 04/02/2007 14:19

I'd have a think beofre I told the school what is going on Spacey. Don't rush into anything. If you are worried about her exams and things and she still wants to do some work then perhaps ring the Local education Authority. They will have Education welfare peeps who may be able to arrange for her to have home tuition- if that is the avenue you both want to go down

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 04/02/2007 14:35

you dont think its a good idea????

i suppose i thought that they needed to know what was going on as they do know about her self harming

OP posts:
mamama · 04/02/2007 15:32

Space Cadet - I can't see how old your DD is although I'm sure I read it.

I can't think why telling the school would be a bad idea - and I'm saying that as a teacher and as someone who had some of your DDs difficulties when I was a teenager.

The school need a reason for her absence and I think it's best to be honest. When I OD'd my mum told the school - I was doing my A Levels at the time. The only person who let on that she knew was my form tutor (I am fairly sure almost all other staff knew). She said she thought I was very brave. Although I didn't like the feeling that I had been talked about, it was comforting for me to know that someone knew that I was having problems. I also had to have some time off each week for counselling sessions and it was helpful that teachers didn't constantly ask where I was. School also suggested telling the exam boards so that it could be taken into consideration if my grades weren't what they predicted. I refused that but it was nice to know it was an option and that I was being taken seriously.

Maybe there is a good reason for suggesting not to inform the school but I can't think what it might be atm... Are the teachers supportive?

J20BABY · 04/02/2007 15:53

hi sc, just read all this and so sorry for you, i myself was a horrible teenager and now i'm in the role reversal position, (my mum's been having problem), it makes you feel so helpless doesn't it?
a few thoughts that may help;
ask her to post a thread on here or similar to talk anon?
ask her to write you a letter to try and help you understand her thought and fears?
or maybe write things down and then burn them?

just remember, most teenagers go through this kind of thing, although maybe not so drastic, but hopefully it can only get better!

sending you big hugs and hope you get the help and support you need x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/02/2007 15:55

The school do need to know. But, remembering back to some issues I had when i was at school, I didnt especially like feeling like teachers were breathing down my neck and putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 5. It made me feel claustrophobic, and that I was a good cause for them to play "amateur" counsellor.

That's not to say you shouldnt talk to the school, but, perhaps think about what role you would like them to play, and what you specifically dont want them to do.

J20BABY · 04/02/2007 15:55

p.s definately tell the school, they need to be aware, and could be a good form of support for both you and your dd

mamama · 04/02/2007 16:04

You can always ask the school to be discreet. Your DD doesn't need to know that they know. Or if she is aware, the teachers don't necessarily need to do anything. But someone should be informed of what's going on.

Big hugs to you.

Please remember to take care of yourself. x