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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

things couldnt get any worst, dd was admitted to hospital today after self harming

203 replies

SpaceCadet · 01/02/2007 23:12

any one who has read my thread regarding my daughter will know that the last few months have been very tough.
lately her outbursts have become more violent, she has assaulted me on 2 ocassions and my 2 younger children are so distressed they scream the house down when dd kicks off, ds(5), stands with his face to the wall, covering his eyes and sobbing uncontrollably
today, when i told her that she couldnt have her boyfriend round, she went beserk, vandalised her room again and slashed her arms open with arazor, her arms are already a mess from the fconstant self harming..i couldnt take anymore and rang the gp who arranged for her to be seen in hospital.
the situation now is, she has been referred to the mental health team and she sees the pschyciatric link nurse tomorrow..however they are notifying social services..im not abad parent, ive done everything in my power to stop all this, im so exhausted with it all, its going to destroy my family
a lot of the reason for my own extremely low feelings are down to all this.

OP posts:
winnie · 21/02/2007 09:07

Spacecadet, you are so on my mind. I so hope this week gets something sorted for your dd {{{}}}

oliveoil · 21/02/2007 09:28

please email me your address

ta

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 21/02/2007 14:35

who?? me or batters oiliveoil???

OP posts:
oliveoil · 21/02/2007 15:21

oh you please

how are you fixed for Friday?

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 21/02/2007 18:11

it all rests on what the situation is with the car, im keeping my fingers crossed that they sort it

OP posts:
winnie · 23/02/2007 09:48

Spacey, I hope you're able to get to the appointment today. Thinking of you all xx

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 23/02/2007 10:59

we are leaving in about 5 mins for out appt, will post when i get back.

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 23/02/2007 13:36

So pleased you managed to keep appt. today.
Hope all goes well.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 23/02/2007 15:32

well it didnt go as well as i hoped..we saw a different woman and dd took an instant dislike to her, the other lady we saw came across as far more understanding but this woman was a bit matter of fact about everything, all she did was chat to dd and me, then said, well you are on the waiting list, you will get an appt soon..have to wonder what the point was in that appt, what does dd have to do before they will give her some help?

OP posts:
Frizbe · 23/02/2007 15:38

sorry to hear that SC, why oh why is the damn system in this country so slow....it seems the only thing you can do to get help is go to the damn newspapers, as involving them and the resulting bad press, gets people off their arses, but surely it shouldn't have to be like that I really feel for you all hon.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 23/02/2007 18:45

thanks, just got be patient and wait i guess.

OP posts:
winnie · 24/02/2007 15:00

spacecadet, I am sorry that the appointment seemed a waste of time. I really hope that dd will get some help soon. I am so angry on your behalf. Take care {{}}

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 24/02/2007 16:11

well, i dont know where to start, dd got hold of my anti vertigo tablets last night and swallowed about 6.

OP posts:
runkid · 24/02/2007 23:39

Sorry to here that spacey obviously a cry for help. Keep strong my thoughts are with you xx

Califrau · 24/02/2007 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 25/02/2007 17:19

will post more details when shes back at school, she is lurking near the computer

OP posts:
Califrau · 26/02/2007 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Califrau · 26/02/2007 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namelessforthis · 26/02/2007 20:29

I've been wondering about you and kept missing this thread - I'll add it to my watch list.

I was wondering if it might help your dd to 'talk' to someone who has/ does feel similar to her. I don't mean to encourage her but to chat, either about nothing or about some of what is going on. I know from experience, that it is very difficult to talk to people who are close to you about things like this. You are terrified of hurting them (yet at times you want to) and are worried about them over-reacting (or under-reacting) or not responding the way you hope...

I've been where your dd is - I am now receieving some much needed help and am making slow progress - it is so hard some days... I still self harm, despite knowing I don't really want to, I am often very low, to the point of being suicidal (I've googled - it's scary)... This might sound like a bad idea, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone who understand...

Anyway, the offer is there if you think it would make a difference. Sometimes just talking to someone can be a lifeline...

And, just so you know, things will get better... when your dd has the help she desperately needs, things will look brighter. It helps to know you are not alone and to have a wonderful mental health team who don't judge you. I sincerely hope you all recieve that.

staceym11 · 26/02/2007 21:29

hi spacecadet, as i have said further down i used to do similar and am willing to talk to your dd (email or msn) if she wants to talk through things, i know sorta whats behind it and may be able to help. its a hard subject and i hope that the system helps for you at some point!

namelessforthis · 27/02/2007 00:24

I've been thinking - I know earlier I offered to chat with your DD on msn or email, which I suspect you wouldn't think is a good idea (I'm sure if I were in your position, I wouldn't agree) but I would be more than happy to talk with you as well/ instead. I don't know you or your DD or have any insight as to why she may be feeling the way she does, but I was wondering if it might help you to talk/ offload onto someone who may be able to give you a bit of information from your DD's perspective. My reasons for being the way I am (and my desire to get better) are, I suspect, quite different from your DD's, but I imagine some of our feelings, the pain, the turmoil etc are similar.

You can contact me at namelessagain at gmail dot com if you would like to. I know I can't do much, I wish I could be more help.

I am sure you know she is not doing this to punish you.

Please take care of yourself.

x

Original poster
SpaceCadet · 28/02/2007 11:43

apologies for taking so long to post, she has been hovering near the computer.
dd took some of my anti vertigo tablets last week, thank fully, they just knocked her out, rang gp , he said she would be fine.
but after that she retired to her room to obliterate her arms, i had to write a letter excusing her from pe yesyerday as her arms were so bad. she is still on the waiting list to be seen.
i have had to remove every sharp implement i can get my hands on and lock away all medicines, even olbas oil.
nameless and stacy.
thank you for your kind offers..i will give it some thought, i think that in all honesty dd will go beserk..but i will see..thank you

OP posts:
staceym11 · 28/02/2007 12:09

SC,
just remember she is not doing this to hurt you. and more than likely not doing it to kill herself. there is a big difference between self harm and suicide.

i went into hospital twice with cuts to my wrists and had to have stitches, but acctually i didnt want to die, or i would have made it happen.

sometimes its hard to work out why people do these things, but for me physical pain was so much easier to deal with than emotional stuff, so id transfer it. but after years like that i realised that it wasnt the answer.

be strong. i know its hard (i saw the aftermath of what it did to my mum) but whatever she may say/do she needs you!

namelessforthis · 28/02/2007 15:39

I can only echo what Stacey said. I can't imagine how hard it must be for a mother too see her child like this. I hope I never have to go through this and I am so appalled that I did it to my own mum. Not appalled enough to cease doing it though

Anyway, I am here for you if you need to vent or have any questions you may want to ask your dd but can't - I know I can't help with specifics, but might be able to reassure you about some of the general feelings etc. Your dd doesn't need to know...

I'm glad you have removed/ locked away any harmful things you can see - I know I would have appreciated that (on the inside - I think I would outwardly have been furious but deep down would have been thrilled that someone cared enough to protect me like that - no-on ever did). Please remember that ultimately, your DD is in control of this - you can only do so much to protect her. I am sure that she is aware that she is the only one who can save her from herself iyswim. That can be very frightening. You are obviously doing a wonderful job. You must be exhausted.

She is very lucky to have you and one day, she will realise that. I bet even now, she knows it, although I doubt she is able to admit it to you and probably not even to herself at the moment.

I keep saying this but please make sure you look after yourself. It's easy to forget.

{hugs}

(without wanting to scare you, and I am sure you have already thought of it, but can you make sure there is no alcohol around? When everything else (sharp things, pills etc) have gone, anything can be a temptation)

{{more hugs}}

namelessforthis · 28/02/2007 15:41

Just in case:

namelessagain at gmail dot com