On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

I'm out.

And this is the point Rhonda nobody will "do" anything certainly not today, probably not tomorrow everything will die down and then when somebody does get around to getting in touch they don't have any solutions, this is not the first time, it won't be the last. I do get fed up I guess of the phone ss, phone GP, phone this phone that because nobody does anything. She is not the worst kid they have to deal with, not a priority, nobody gives a flying fuck

Unbelievable. You seem to lurch from one car crash to another the whole time you have posted on Mumsnet. One crisis and drama after another, with your children dragged along behind you.

Yeah happy thanks

My life probably is a car crash hence I don't want and cannot deal with any more I just can't

When my son was younger (like under 5) he was aggressive, he would spit at me, hit me, stab me. I get the rock bottom breaking point feeling. (But, However Much I disliked him at times I always loved him, always told him I loved him and despite many people saying he needed specialist care I refused to give up on him) He's severely autistic and with HELP from outside sources we have managed to create a happy, healthy relationship over time. I understand this has gone on too long, I understand you need to protect your other children. However you cannot just kick her out. You need outside help for her and for you and perhaps for the other kids too but you have to actually get on the phone and ask/beg for help.

Before anyone posts about OP's attitude to her eldest DD, will they please think how they would feel if a visitor to their house kicked one of their DCs and split their lip. How would they feel towards that visitor? Would they think it was because the visitor felt left out and unloved? Or would they be full of rage and disbelief at the harm they have done. The OP needs to sound off here because where else can she? So when she says she doesn't like/love her eldest DD and wants nothing more to do with her, read between the lines, as she almost certainly does love her very much but can't cope with the way she is behaving.

Honestly I wish somebody would just come and pick them up

I can see how families get to this point. My son has ASD. He is already violent with us and calls us names when he doesn't get his way. I cringe to imagine how it might be when he gets older, despite all we are trying to do now, and wouldn't rule out the local children's home or sending him away if it came to it.

If I'm that bad then somebody needs to but guess what nobody will not their father nobody

Pick THEM up?

Honestly I started out wanting nothing but the best for any of them, all of them. 16 years later it's come to this I genuinely think they would get better J st getting my life insurance

And then I remember their dads don't fucking want them either so what do you don

GigiB I am thinking the exact same

Is there any friends she could stay with tonight?
If you ring ss and tell them this they will help. If you just leave them to it they won't. You have to ring them every day, ever hour if you want make them understand how desperate you are.
You need to see gp asap

So now you don't want any of your children?

Don't go down that road. If that's honestly, genuinely the way you feel pick up the phone right NOW and call your gp. They can put you in touch with the local crisis team, who can get you so so so much help, they can support you, they will even be able to help you out a plan of action in place for your children.

There is so much help out there and if you just reached out to the relevant services it's easily accessible. If your mental health has reached the point where you can say that then you really really really need to go and see a doctor, they can and they will help

Well clearly I'm the problem so it seems they'd be better off elsewhere

Before anyone posts about OP's attitude to her eldest DD, will they please think how they would feel if a visitor to their house kicked one of their DCs and split their lip. How would they feel towards that visitor? Would they think it was because the visitor felt left out and unloved? Or would they be full of rage and disbelief at the harm they have done

But the daughter ISNT a visitor, is she?

expat I can completely understand your point. I have a brother with schizophrenia. We have coped with him as a family up to now (he's in his 30's) but he has worn us all out and we are really at the point where we can do no more

The difference though is how you get to that point. If you have done all you can, then its really just a case of circumstances being beyond your control and there is nothing wrong with that.

I'm sorry you feel like this, OP.

I second the posters suggesting you phone your GP. Unfortunately I think you are probably right in thinking that help won't be immediate but even if it takes a few weeks for things to be put in place it must surely be better than living like this?

Talk to your GP. Explain that you are feeling like ending things and also that you are at the end of what you can cope with with your DD. Maybe they can get CAMHS or SS involved and work towards putting help in place.

It might also be worth further investigating having your DD move out - I had a friend who, aged 16, had her mum sign her over to SS and she was given a flat. This was a mutual agreement on both of their parts, although I believe they had to tell SS the mum was kicking out her DD. I'm afraid I don't really know exactly how it worked but it might be possible to have her placed outside the house if it's really not working having her home. My friend and her mum have a good relationship now - it improved once they no longer lived together.

Do you think crisis MH services for yourself might be an idea?

Yes you come across a lot like you're the problem. The things you've said about your daughter aren't normal for any parent. Even the ones of children who batter the crap out of them. There has been quite a few of those on mn and they all say "I love my child but I can't cope anymore".

However, from what you've just said about how you feel about yourself that makes it completely different. Depression affects next to all aspects of life and if you are depressed then you're not going to be able to deal with this situation in a rational adult manner (and trust me on that one). You're not going to see the way out for yourself, you're not going to react the way you would if you were feeling yourself.

If you want a good, solid plan of action for today and tonight, call your doctor now. Then call the ss, tell them you've reached breaking point and can no longer cope with home life, that you are depressed and seeing your doctor but you need immediate relief. They will be able to help you get a temporary voluntary foster placement (either for just your daughter or for all children concerned) and they will support and help you to get back on your feet.

Social work can bring in home carers, support assistants, they can deal with the educational side and they will never remove your children from your care unless they are at risk.

You just need to phone them.