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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

631 replies

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 09:30

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 13:03

Maybe I am a dreadful patent it's not impossible but I've done my best and I can and will not do any more

OP posts:
Greenyogagirl · 22/06/2016 13:04

I think op knows lack of discipline and being spoilt has probably been thebiggest factor in daughters behaviour at home

Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 13:04

Go for it pissed, I would happily help your daughter

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 13:04

Good stuff I'll have her ready for you at 4pmb

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 22/06/2016 13:05

This is a human that you gave birth to, not a possession you can just give away when you're bored! I'm sorry op I just don't understand how you can say you 'will not' do more. This is your CHILD!

Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 13:05

No bother at all, I await your pm Smile

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 13:06

I don't want her end of story, I don't

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 22/06/2016 13:06

Letme, you're projecting the problems you had with your mother onto OP, and that is very evident from the incredibly emotional way you're posting. It's really not fair to her, and it won't be helping you. I suggest you step right away from the thread.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 13:06

I will not have my 12 y ar hurt and bullied in her own home

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 22/06/2016 13:07

OP, pleeeeeeeeaaaase don't waste time arguing with people like Letme, just phone SS.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/06/2016 13:07

So what's your plan, OP (as you didn't answer last time I and other posters asked)?

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 22/06/2016 13:07

Waitrose: that's a very naive statement and won't help anyone.

The OP is in the situation she's in. It's hard. She feels the way she does and can't just magic that away. She needs support to change things and make improvements for everyone.

I don't think anyone is cheering the OP on for feeling like she hates her DD but that's the situation and the OP clearly needs some support to try to fix things. Clearly the OP doesn't want yo feel this way about her daughter or be in this situation.

Support is not the same as validation. Simply telling her that it's all her fault and she's a dreadful mother (etc) doesn't help her, nor does it help her children (any of them).

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 22/06/2016 13:07

This thread has genuinely made me cry. How can you speak this way about your own child?

SuburbanRhonda · 22/06/2016 13:07

I will not have my 12 y ar hurt and bullied in her own home

So what are you going to do about it?

Handsoffmysweets · 22/06/2016 13:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Greenyogagirl · 22/06/2016 13:09

Your daughter has no-one. Behaves very well at school so is a home problem. Was spoilt and not disciplined so now believes she is the centre of the universe.
You have to take responsibility for that and you have to do what you can to help her by following suggestions made on here.
You can't just say she's horrible and kick her out with no support in place.

Msqueen33 · 22/06/2016 13:10

You have my sympathy. I'm raising three kids and two have disabilities and at times I've really disliked the situation. Every time somewhere hears of a violent child it's immediately assumed it could be asd and not just a shit individual. That said you need a solution as you can't go on like this. I'd be very tempted to have the other kids stay with their father so you can focus fully on your daughter. So that she has no one to aim the violence at. It also sounds like she needs to see a therapist urgently. Can school support a push to the relevant services? I imagine the situation has ground you down and made you really resentful. What's she like at school?

shovetheholly · 22/06/2016 13:10

I really think there needs to be an urgent intervention. The way she is behaving is not appropriate or safe. The way you speak about her is not appropriate or safe either. There may well be a causal connection between those two things.

Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 13:10

August me and my parent have a good relationship now, I received help for my depression and she has acknowledged her treatment of me was not right. My problem with the op is how she is speaking about a child, how she's repeated said she doesn't love nor want her. That's my issue. I know how damaging that attitude is towards a child, no matter their age. She refuses to get help for a child, and seems to be looking for someone to take her in even if it's a complete stranger. It's a disgusting and extremely harmful attitude to have, even parents who have completely reached the end of their rope don't act or speak about their child like that.

If we were all to call her daughter a horrible awful good for nothing brat she would sit there soaking it up and feel validated. That's what she seems to want, she doesn't want her child (having said so in her own words) and doesn't want to seek help for her child. I don't understand how anyone can read the things the op has said and not feel disgusted and so incredibly sorry for that child.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 22/06/2016 13:10

Step I kind of get what you are saying and I would be all for supporting someone saying I hate feeling this way, I need help, how do I help my child etc, but this....I have never come across someone that could speak this way about their own child with not a hint of shame! She is not concerned why her Daughter is behaving like this and wanting ideas on how to fix it, se is saying she doesn't want her! Like she's some unwanted pet!

Skrewt · 22/06/2016 13:11

OP I was a nightmare for my mother at a simialr age. I didn't think I was as bad as you describe your daughter but my mother probably felt much like you do. FWIW my family was a regular nuclear family: original mum and dad and two kids. There was some hitting (by me of Mum and sibling) and they sent me to a strict boarding school. It worked for me. I was really unhappy (I don't know why: hormones/just because) at home and by contrast got on fine at boarding school - even though I was probably still unhappy in myself. I was not a scholar at all but your peers can be fairly merciless and did not hesitate to put me in my place when it was needed. I still have my great friends from that time (and embarrassing memories of my behaviour) and a reasonable relationship with my parents. I was a vile teenager and I spent a lot of my 20's apologising to my parents for it but I wish they'd have put it behind them a bit quicker than they did (a good ten years of reminding me of how awful I had been). I hope you and your daughter has a happy outcome.

Just5minswithDacre · 22/06/2016 13:12

Oh my god the poor poor girl.

Everything lizkeen said.

OP you have to take some responsibility for how this situation grew up.

0dfod · 22/06/2016 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 13:13

I've left a message with her head of year

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 22/06/2016 13:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

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