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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

631 replies

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 09:30

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 07:47

The alternative is worse in my opinion

OP posts:
LizKeen · 23/06/2016 07:51

That is your issue though. You don't like to be criticised or told what to do.

Sometimes as a parent you have to accept that you don't have all the answers.

The actual alternative is that your 16yo breaks a bone in her sibling and you end up having no choice. That will look worse and go against you. Holding your hands up and asking for help is always preferable to forced interaction with SS.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 07:53

She won't break a bone, she's been told, I've made small changes to remove triggers already and it's manageable for now and the eldest will be moving out at the earliest opportunity and then she can seek whatever she wants or needs but it won't be in my house. I've said thank you to everyone for their thoughts and taking the time to write, I'm going to resume my life now and suggest everyone does the same.

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfSocks · 23/06/2016 08:23

I've been on the receiving end of abuse from my older brother as a child. My parents did fuck all to stop him. I eventually left home at 16 when he was 22 because I couldn't take anymore. Yes, he continued until he was an adult. So did my parents do the right thing?? Not kicking out my poor, misunderstood brother? And for the record he is now a fully functioning adult, with no mental health issues. He has a good job and a mortgage.

Get her out of the house. It's the only way she will understand it's not acceptable. She is a bully and she openly admitted to hurting your younger one because they can't fight back. If she was ill she would lash out at everyone. IMO this is cold and calculating.

I really can't believe the attitudes of some people on here. OP, you're right that if anyone else had belted your children they would be in a cell.

TheOnlyColditz · 23/06/2016 09:05

"She's been told"

Haven't you ever told her before?

Or, as I suspect, you have told her and she's ignored you.

Like she's going to ignore you this tiime.

YOu really do need to get some help in. She needs to see a councillor and your younger kids definitrely do. They live with a domestic abuser.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 09:12

The school are talking to her today, hopefully a short sharp shock will work

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 23/06/2016 09:24

I'm guessing you're not in the uk of schools are open? Only here they're all closed for the voting

Maybebabybee · 23/06/2016 09:39

They aren't. Both my sister and my brother are at school today. In London.

princessmi12 · 23/06/2016 09:41

Letme
My kids school is open today

Forevertiredzzzzzz · 23/06/2016 09:41

My DD is at school today so not all ok U.K.

Forevertiredzzzzzz · 23/06/2016 09:41

Of rather

princessmi12 · 23/06/2016 09:42

Probably some primary schools are closed due to being used as polling station

princessmi12 · 23/06/2016 09:50

Its funny how OP thinks MN is for venting...
I thought when you post here you look for advice?
And if I remember correctly this thread were originally in WWYD section and later moved to teenagers. Remind me WWYD stands for? Is that not advice seeking?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 09:51

You're wrong it was not moved and this is what makes me laugh, stating things as though they are fact when you're wrong.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/06/2016 09:53

More than half the schools in the city I live in are open.

Maybebabybee · 23/06/2016 09:53

It's perfectly OK to vent on mumsnet Hmm

If it bothers you hide the thread, it's not rocket science.

Letmehaveausername · 23/06/2016 09:53

Ok I maybe got that wrong then, all the local schools round here are closed so I assumed all were closed, sorry bout that.

However I've just been back and read some of your other threads OP, Makes a very interesting read

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 09:54

Gee Lets you need to get out more

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 23/06/2016 09:58

That's a very good assumption Pisssssed however theres this little thing called tonsillitis which my dc is feeling rather poorly with. Makes going out quite difficult right now. I think you also need to get out a bit more to clear your head, sort out your story and timeline too

paxillin · 23/06/2016 10:05

OP, you come across as really aggressive and vindictive. If you are anything like this in RL, the atmosphere of aggression and bullying in your house is of your own making. Your other dc will one by one become either victims or perpetrators of such aggression and bullying.

I think you know that, too. That's why you are so opposed to SS getting involved, you know they won't come and "fix" your dd, they will check for the causes of this. If it is blatantly obvious from words on a screen, how in-your-face must it be in RL? Social workers would see it immediately.

princessmi12 · 23/06/2016 10:06

OP
I don't think you realise how you got few people here emotionally involved, upset and these people genuinely tried to help you.
Not everyone is fucked up as yourself and dismissive of others,even if its on internet forum.
I been here for a while, even posted once about my own issue.But I did genuinely seek advice and clarification, couple of wise MNetters helped me to see sense in my particular situation. And I'm grateful to them.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/06/2016 10:11

If I worked in your DDs school, I would be one of the people you'd be referred to.

I would be very Hmm that you had failed to seek any support from your GP and social services for this latest incident and I would be very concerned about your lack of engagement with services that could support you and help protect your children.

The very least I'd be doing is having you in to discuss what your plan is and referring you to the "Troubled Families" programme if you didn't have a plan of your own.

NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 12:29

This thread has been extremely difficult to read....

I feel sympathy for both the OP and the daughter. It seems to be a no win situation.

I haven't quite finished reading it but did the 12 year old ever receive medical attention?

Handsoffmysweets · 23/06/2016 12:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

2nds · 23/06/2016 12:49

Saying stuff about your own daughter like I could have killed her and I just want her to piss off, speaks volumes. Everyone else has washed their hands off her and her only 16.
You are the adult here, she kicks off then you kick off and so around and around the issue goes and then you kick her out, then what?

Your daughter seems lonely and maybe unwanted. It's up to you to break that vicious cycle. She's being violent but can you honestly say that you aren't the same towards her? You did say you could have killed her, this suggests that you acted aggressively towards her.

Using aggression to sort out violence doesn't work. You need a new approach. You speak like you have nothing but contempt for her like she has ruined everything for you, have you always hated her?

Can't the dad in Sydney help? Would he not be able to take her for a few weeks just to give you both time apart? This young woman needs help, she doesn't need to be told to fuck off.

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