On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

Some posters are coming on a bit strong tbh . The daughter needs help, or rather the OP needs help with her daughter as she is obviously at the end of her tether . The high any mighty posters who say its all down to parenting have either been pretty lucky or their kids havent hit a difficult stage yet .Some kids can just be more challenging then others even if they are from the same family .
We went through hell with our third , a combination of mental health issues and drugs , but luckily he came through it ( although we still walk on eggs shells now and then ) .Its not easy to get help OP and I feel for you especially when I guess she is bigger then you and probably thinks that she doesnt need help . You need to speak to your GP and any mental health charities specifically those dealing with teenagers . Calling the police maybe your final option I'm afraid

pelic she's already said she doesn't want to get help from anyone unfortunately.

Er, pelir sorry.

This is one of the worst threads I have ever read on Mumsnet, and that is saying something. I have no words and am completely shocked.

OP, please get help. It sounds to me as though your D (I can't write DD, I just can't) needs to be in care for everybody's sake.

Holly do you honestly think they'll pop around and pick her up ? Really ?

As has been said multiple times before, yes they would OP. If you told them she's homeless because you're kicking her out and she'll be on the streets - a vulnerable 16 year old girl - they would act. You could even pack a bag for her and drop her off at the ss building and just leave and they would still have to act.

Right* not rich

Have you always been depressed OP? Have you suffered PND? Because the way you are disassociate is a sign and could be the reason for a the problems you are having.

My mother used to do this, so my sister would act up to get her attention. The stress would cause her to dissociate further causing escalation in my sister's behaviour.

My mother didn't get help for this until she has a breakdown and my sister (in her 20's at this point) had already gone too far down a path that screwed her up permanantly.

I didn't have the same reaction, tending towards internalizing myself, so I look like the child who came out unscathed, but I have been battling with depression for as long as I can remember and have to fight not to disassociate myself sometimes.

Please get help, not just for your DD, but for all of you. Everyone in the household is living in an unhealthy situation, I don't blame you, but you really don't want to wake up one day with the guilt my mother carried, because it will consume you.

Peli. OP has already made it clear that she will not seek help. You are wasting your breath. Had she been open to suggestions then we might have been making some headway but at the moment we are getting nowhere.

OP. I really hope you can step off your high horse for just a moment and go get help for you and all your children.

Well she's currently in her bedroom like nothing happened, doesn't k ow or care what she's done to her sister. In her own little bubble

Ring the police and report the assault. By not doing so you are complicit in her abuse of her siblings. Criminal record be damned, she's old enough to understand her behaviour is wrong and you are all letting her control you by not making her take the consequences of what is domestic violence.

I think you are minimising, OP. I cannot imagine a social worker reporting a few water stains. Many adults at the head of dysfunctional families claim social workers have made ridiculous demands to divert from the real problems.

Such as "social service are threatening to take the kids away because my dd's bedroom has no curtains." No, the kids go into care because they were exposed to violence. Conversationally, the social worker also said, how lovely it would be to have curtains, she saw some nice ones the other day.

With respect paxillin I read the report and you didn't, it's a court document a section 7 report so that's why I think I was so flabbergasted it would even be mentioned at all

You'd think it would be more professional and that's why I have no faith.

Right clearly you have reached the end of your tether and are mid crisis. My DD is extremely challenging and confrontational and at times I have had to leave the house to avoid physical confrontation. My DD also has a father who has 0 interest in her , neither do his family or my family really. You are all she has and although she is behaving in a completely unacceptable way it is important that she feels loved. I know you say you don't love her but you do things are said in anger that stay with them forever, you'd be devastated if anything happened to her you just don't like her at the moment. What I do with DD when things get to such an explosive level is text her - no swearing, no shouting, it's easier to write calmly than speak calmly. Just tell her you love her, that your worried about her and want to help but you can not allow her to assult her siblings tell her next time you will call the police and follow it through. Your not detached or you wouldn't be so angry. See if she will communicate via text but although she won't present this way she is crying out for love and acceptance, the others have their dads she might just feel incredibly jealous.

I know it's hard when your so angry but try and have a hug and tell her you love her but your struggling to show it as your concerned for the others safety. Maybe organise an activity for the 2 of you watch a film with her -anything. She is a very angry girl and might lash out at the others as they are accepted and she isn't.

Take all her stuff and tell her she can have it back when she fixes her attitude. Don't tell her things like you don't like her and scream. But yeah eventually you probably will have to kick her out

No it wouldn't be more professional, ss have a duty of care to assess home living conditions (including the state of furniture) and to suggest improvements even if there's no need for them to act upon the suggested improvements. If your sofa was dirty enough (or water damaged enough) for the ss to comment upon it then you should take that suggestion into consideration

Do you think she would agree to family counselling? That could be arranged through GP, although there would be a waiting list, still might be worth a try.

When my oldest was young and was already showing signs of asd, I had pnd and another young baby, I asked the GP for help. It was really hard to ask for help from that position. He sent a health visitor round, due to the age of the children. At the time we lived in quite fancy accommodation which came with my husband's job. The health visitor sneered at the house, made repeated comments about how nice the house was, how lucky I was, barely looked at my son or questioned me. She was a prejudiced person, it does happen in caring professions. I didn't ask for help again for six years because of her attitude. There's no question that my son's life could have been easier if she had been more professional.

Every situation is unique. Unless you are in that situation yourself it doesn't help to judge people. It just doesn't. What is more important, trying to support people who are in need of help or baying with an angry crowd and just making things worse?

I've told her she's on her last chance and if it happens again I will have to call the police. The little one is having soup for tea because she can't chew and DD doesn't give a fuck

This is the most disturbing thread I ever read on MN.
OP I think you depressed.You need time alone away from EVERYONE.You need couple of days away in a hotel or something.
Maybe then you will be able to properly calmed down and see sense.
You do not get to discard your eldest daughter,end of. You will regret if you do and your other children will not respect you for that.
You need to talk to her heart to heart,show some humility,cry,show regret ,plead with her but DO NOT GET ANGRY.
Ask her to explain how she feels and what would she want.
She seem like a bright girl, maybe there is a chance of her having some sort of MH issue but if you don't get that checked out wont you feel guilty for getting angry with her when she NEEDED YOUR HELP ?
She goes through GCSEs its incredibly difficult time for her and no doubt she's under a lot of pressure.I suspect no one supports her at home and she lashes out.
Sending her away is NOT a solution. You are an adult here,its up to you to sort it out,its your job. Why don't you start talking with her by apologising first for YOUR PART of altercation
Take her by surprise..Im sure by now she only expects anger from you

A report by cafcass isn't the same as getting ss involved

My fucking sofa is not dirty lol
You honestly have never come across water stains in a house with a 6 year old boy, you honestly think a throw is worth mentioning in a court document, it made the woman sound like a clown and discredited everything else even though it was in my favour tbh, the other side made mince meat of the report

Have you tried talking to her about why she is so angry whilst you are calm. Your the adult you need to reach out and try and resolve this.

Not cafcass Green SS and entirely the same people