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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

631 replies

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 09:30

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:33

You can feel free to post elsewhere lets, nobody's stopping you

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:33

(Because ducks are incredibly valuable dontcha know)

Greenyogagirl · 22/06/2016 15:34

She is fucked up because of how she was raised. Take responsibility for goodness sake and stop fishing for sympathy.

Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:35

Or you could stop being an attention seeking cry baby and take some advice. I'm not about to go somewhere else when I can see how desperate a person is for help, even when they're being a giant (give me a non offensive word before I resort to swearing) at the time.

AgathaF · 22/06/2016 15:38

DD is not that bad she knows how to behave she's choosing not to - have you asked her why? I assume you have, but you haven't actually said so here. Do you have constructive, non-accusatory talks?

Just had a talk with dd about how there cannot be a repeat of today and was told if I'm that upset I should go and kills myself. She's utterly fucked up isn't she ? Who says that to their mother - A child who is hurting, who is afraid, who is also at the end of their tether, just like you are. She isn't "fucked up", she lashing out, trying to hurt back. All fairly normal for 16 year olds, especially 16 year olds with a history of family rejection, a history of being the family scapegoat, and precious little support.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/06/2016 15:38

Why are you trying to get people off your thread now? That's rude. They can post where they want to.

As a mum you don't get to abdicate responsibility for your child elsewhere, you just don't. She's your daughter, OP.

You've had some brilliant advice on this thread but you're feeling very sorry for yourself and looking to blame your daughter for everything. That's not on. Your children would be better off with their dad for a bit; that would probably be in their best interests surely - or all four children with social services.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:39

We shall see what happens with the school I guess. DD has been told in no uncertain terms there is to be no repeat. I've calmed down now.

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:40

At the end of the day your situation is as follows:

Your 16 year old daughter is violent to the point that another of your children have been sent home from school due to injuries.

Your other children are at risk of further extreme violence.

You're saying you're having suicidal thoughts.

You also seem to have had a complete breakdown in order to have spoken about your daughter the way you have, to have not sought medical attention for your child who's injured and to refuse to take any action at all.

You NEED help. But you're refusing all help. If you honestly don't care at all then kick your daughter out, but if you do care then go make a cuppa, take a moment to get your head straight then come back and re read the helpful posts, the ones telling you exactly how to make things better.

It won't be immediately no, it will take time and hard work on all parts. But you'll get there in the end and it will be worth it.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:41

Unfortunately lying it's all very well saying they'd be better off with their dad but he doesn't want them.

OP posts:
paxillin · 22/06/2016 15:42

And neither do you.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:42

I'm stuck with them though aren't I

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:44

No you're not, you've been told you can phone the ss and tell them you can't cope. Tell them you don't want them and they'll support you to either keep them at home with you and rebuild family relations or put them in a temp voluntary foster placement while you get yourself back on your feet.

AgathaF · 22/06/2016 15:44

Unfortunately lying it's all very well saying they'd be better off with their dad but he doesn't want them - and yet you've repeatedly said what a good man he is, and how it was your DD that was the cause of him leaving. Something else the poor girl is blamed for. I really don't think he can be a good man if he will neither help you out in this crisis, nor help his children out but leaves them where they may get harmed by their older sibling.

jellyrolly · 22/06/2016 15:45

If it was my child (my eldest is autistic so I do understand the anxiety and extreme behaviour), I might suggest we wait until we both calm down and then say, we will have a talk at x o'clock. Take some time to write down what is bothering her and promise you will both try and listen to the other one reading out their main problems. I'm glad you've calmed down.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:46

She says she wants/needs space

OP posts:
jellyrolly · 22/06/2016 15:47

I mean, suggest that she takes time to write down what is bothering her. It's surprising what you can find out with a different method of communicating.

Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:47

So give her space. Focus on taking the advice many posters have offered here to help yourself in the meantime.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:48

Worth a try jelly

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Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 15:48

And jellyrolly's suggestion is a really good one

LizKeen · 22/06/2016 15:48

I wonder if your 16yo does tell you what is bothering her, but you just cannot bring yourself to hear her words, and instead you feel attacked and shut down.

jellyrolly · 22/06/2016 15:48

Cross posted, maybe she could elaborate on that. Does she want space physically, to move out? Or just people to not speak to her etc. Not suggesting you agree to everything but it's somewhere to start.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/06/2016 15:49

Last time social services came to my house because my ex made ridiculous and I mean ridiculous allegations about me, dismissed instantly the moment the woman walked in the house

Surely that demonstrates that SS were helping you? They had to investigate the allegations that were made, but the social worker could see as soon as she walked in that they were baseless. OK, she said something rude about your sofa, but so what? The important thing is that she reported back that there was nothing in the allegations.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:50

Fuck knows, I think she wants to be 21 and finished uni and living in Japan. And I get it I do but she won't get anywhere if today is repeated

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 15:51

Augusta she reported back I neeeeed new cushions 🙄

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jellyrolly · 22/06/2016 15:52

Personally, I think we get so used to parenting children, second guessing them, really knowing what is good for them, then they become young adults and it's really hard to adjust that way of thinking after so long. It's easy for communication to break down then.

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