On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

I have been memorising usernames or copying and pasting in order to send PMs for nearly 4 years.

Hoping this is a wind up. Your poor DD. This behaviour does not warrant that kind of vitriol. If strangers on the internet can feel the disdain and hate you see to have for her, you can bet your ass she feels it so much more.

Call SS.

There's plenty of reasons why we are in a house that's too small and affordability and money has nothing to do with it, it must be lovely in some of the posted here's little worlds where everything is just do fixable. Sometimes it takes time.

And there's nothing bloody day wrong with my sofa so a new one is not required !!!

Vixx, do you think violent teens don't exist? They can be terribly stressful and cause incredible damage to a family.

Pissed off what do you want from this thread? You obviously don't want advice, you've had lots of good advice and ignored it all. You've said you don't want to ask for help either. You're ignoring everything that's been said to you and seem to think that you're not to blame for anything at all and are even snapping at the posters who've genuinely cared and tried to offer solutions.

So what do you want? What is it that you need?

Unfortunately, I don't think this is a wind up. Seen this poster around a fair bit.

Whilst I feel sorry for the OP, ultimately she has choices. It seems that her DD has none at the moment, and is suffering a great deal.

Everything takes time but you do have to actually work at it, you don't seem to want help or to want to help dd

Thing is my cousin was worst than this, stealing cars, glue sniffing and all sorts. DD is not that bad she knows how to behave she's choosing not to

If she enjoys school, and money isn't an issue then I would second the idea of you investigating state boarding schools. They were exactly the right answer for our angsty/aspergery teen (not nearly the situation you're describing) but helped put things in perspective and gave us all some breathing space so we eventually learned to appreciate each other again.

I want DD to stop this crap that's what I want

The OP has been posting under various guises for years now with similar crises to this. I hope you can resolve things with your DD, with love and compassion for her.

I'm trying desperately not compare kids but the others have been through the same shit and they don't behave like this

Ok. So if affordability is not an issue here, why not phone up a psychologist with a private practice and make an appointment to have your daughter (and you) to see someone? That will be quick (not instant but someone may have an appointment this week) and do something to help everyone.

If the worst you gave to fear from SW is criticism of your interior decoration, I really don't understand why you weren't straight on the phone to them.

You also said (I think) that your 12 year old's school sent her home because of her injuries. In which case, speaking to her school (who must have made a safeguarding report) may be a way to help move things forward. So would taking her to the GP (who will also report a child who has been seriously injured by a violent older sibling, especially when the mother is both detached and unable to cope).

Stop getting angry at MNers. No one is going to pat you on the back and say that you're right and should just cast your problem child away, but people are giving you good, constructive advice about how to make things better.

I think what the OP said is very normal fur anyone who has reached breaking point.
The point in case is the swing between I need my dd out if the house to well I should let all my dcs go away because im clearly a bad mother.
The OP us desperate and kicking someone when they are on the floor us never a good thing to do.

OP despite the fact you say no one will help, you need to find a way to protect the your youngest dcs. This has to be your priority atm.
And if this means emergency fister care or whatever, then so be it.
Then you might be sable to sort something with your oldest dd. But your youngest dcs need to feel safe at home.

She is not going to stop the behaviour miraculously. You are getting constant advice and ignoring it. As has already been said if you constantly just ignore advice and rant then posters are going to lose sympathy with you.

Right from the first page of this thread posters have been telling you that because you are worried about the safety of your other DC that SS will have to help.

Also you need to see your GP for some help for yourself, whether that be counselling or medication.

I've been to the GP. Was told basically there's nothing wrong with you. Take all this shit away and you'd be fine.
I understand she isn't just going to stop without something changing

I'm trying desperately not compare kids but the others have been through the same shit and they don't behave like this

But they haven't, have they?

She has a father who is indifferent to her existence and a stepfather who hates her.

I disagree that stealing cars and sniffing glue is worse than assaulting and injuring people, OP.

I can see you are desperate and need help. I also see you caused a lot of this. You are aggressive, dismissive and sneer at people trying to help you.

Social workers have a fine radar for aggression and hostility, maybe that is why you don't want them, they would pick up on that immediately. Chucking her out so you don't have to deal with social services could backfire, they might be interested in preventing a repetition with your younger kids.

The fact you are adding a fifth child to a family in crisis, with a violent teen and 3 other youngsters in need of help, two of them in physical danger in an already too small house will show a social worker you need a hell of a lot of support and guidance.

As the adult in the situation it is up to you to make the change though.

Can you see that?

Excellent - if you want her to cut the crap and change her behaviour, then you need to get off your booty and start sorting that out.

Follow up with both her head of year and 12yos head of year. Today. (Follow up that message by calling the school back and making sure the sec knows it is imperative you speak with both heads of year today about a safeguarding issue at home). You should also consider calling the 6yos HT.

Call gp and make appointment for you to discuss your own my and CAMHS referral for dd - urgent appointment. Tell receptionist you have been having fleeting suicidal thoughts.

Those two will do for now. If you don't want to call SS yourself, then that's fine - having those discussions with school and gp should ensure that SS are brought on board for support in any case.

I do get that sometimes it is appealing to check out and just let it happen around you - whatever will be, will be, and all that. But you have now been checked out for three months, so it's time to get back in the game and back in control. With the catalyst being that your 12yo was assaulted today. You actually have no option but to act now.

If, as you say, this is a case of a dd that is capable of behaving, but for whatever reason chooses not to, the appearance of a mother who is suddenly back in charge, and a support group of responsible adults who are all working towards the same goal, may lead to the required change in her behaviour as suddenly the whole show will be blown wide open and she will no longer be the goody two shoes A student. It may be something of a relief to her. You can then all work towards appropriate resolution.

Or, you can do nothing and huff and puff, come up with a myriad excuses, change nothing, and continue to have one child assault others and safeguard no one.

Parenting is something of a choice. You have chosen to check out for a few months out of sheer exhaustion, and that's fine. But ultimately, you have now got to get your head back in the game and check right back in.

Or, give up totally and hand them all over to SS. But that requires action too.

But literally doing nothing is not an option. It is an active choice what to do next, but just sitting back and watching while your children assault each other is not a choice you can make.

I won't deal with ss I just won't if tgeybthinkngtey can do a better job they can crack on tbh

Did you tell the GP the actual truth about how you feel (detached, angry, making suicide comments) or did you just say your DD was a problem and you couldn't cope?

In any case, if money isn't a problem, phone up a private psychologist or counseller and go and properly talk to them.

Just had a talk with dd about how there cannot be a repeat of today and was told if I'm that upset I should go and kills myself. She's utterly fucked up isn't she ? Who says that to their mother

Oh for the love of god stop with all the bloody "I give up I won't do this I don't want to do that"

You are being incredibly selfish and stupid. Either you need a good kick up the arse or you need to give your children to the ss because right now you're coming across as an incredibly unfit mother who doesn't give a duck about anyone but herself. You've had blinking excellent advice, either take it and start acting like an adult or bugger off and let posters concentrate on someone who will actually appreciate the help and advice.