my DD refuses to come to my sister's (gay) wedding

[Alexrose123]

Help! My DD is in the middle of her GCSEs. They finish next week. The very next day is my sister's wedding - but my DD is refusing to attend. She says she doesn't believe in gay marriage anyway (I do - I don't know where she gets this opinion from), and she wants to go out celebrating the end of exams with her friends instead. I am not close to my sister - not through want of trying on my part, but I really would like us all to be there at the wedding as a family. And it would be especially noted and I would no doubt get a lot of flak from the wider family if my DD did not attend the wedding. As she is in the middle of her exams I don't want to stress her about this but its a real quandary - what comes first? Loyalty to my sister? Or respecting my DD's needs/views on this? It is a pretty important family social obligation she has known about for a long time. Maybe she needs to learn the art of compromise to keep the peace? I don't see how I can force her to attend against her wishes other than some form of inducement...any advice appreciated.

Voldys, you are right. But the way to help people overcome any prejudices isn't by force. You can't MAKE anyone change their mind. By all accounts, it was seeing a physical manifestation of homosexuality that tipped the dickhead in Orlando over into full on horror.

The answer to someone not believing in gay marriage isn't making them attend a gay marriage.

Sorry Voldy but there's a massive difference between not agreeing with gay marriage and condoning mass murder. What happened in Orlando was an outrage plain and simple, just like Sandy Hook and others.

No. It was a homophobic attack. Homophobia comes in different forms but is the same thing. Those who disagree with equal marriage rights might feel better about their stance by knowing they'd never start shooting in a gay club, but they are all branches of the same tree. Hatred of LGBT individuals.

"The answer to someone not believing in gay marriage isn't making them attend a gay marriage." - It needs to be challenged, which is what I've said all along.

I can't believe you're even putting a 16 year old who doesn't agree with same-sex marriage in the same category as a mass murderer.
Not everyone agrees- it doesn't mean she hates all gay people. I don't agree with her stance at all but I feel you've really taken this thread on an unpleasant tangent.

Ridiculous. That's like saying anyone who has sung the red flag at a Labour Party conference, or who calls themselves a socialist MUST have condoned Stalin's Gulags and mass murder.

Voldy, I hope you won't think I'm homophobic when I tell you that I have absolutely no problem with LGBT people. That's the way they are and other people's sexuality is none of my business. On the other hand, not being LGBT myself, I find it difficult to understand what it's like.
None of us on this thread can possibly know what was going through the girl's mind when she made the statement, but I suspect, at 16 - when she may still be coming to terms with her own sexuality - she may simply be confused.
You ask for tolerance, but your posts are quite emotive and I suspect they are starting to have the opposite effect to the one you hoped for. Lets go back to the original question - should the girl go to the wedding?
At 16, I think it has to be her decision. But I fail to see why her mum should "take the flak" if she doesn't go. With rights come responsibilities, and it would certainly be good manners for her to inform her aunt of her decision, but why does she have to give a reason? Surely a simple note as outlined below would suffice:

Dear Aunt Esmerelda,
Thank you for inviting me to your wedding. I'm sorry I won't be able to attend but I hope you have a lovely day.
Wishing you all the best for the future,
Love,
Mitzi

(Change names as appropriate.)

There. Done and dusted.

Its good that she has her own views and I have sympathy for her. Many people feel uneasy about gay weddings, even some gays said it wasn't needed and was a step too far. Some of the comments here such as 'she needs grounding' are appalling unless you are going to force her to share all of your views and not let her have any of her own. Its good she has her own opinions and thoughts and is independent.

God kids are inherently selfish. I bet the homophobic views are an excuse to get out of attending the wedding because she’d rather see her mates.

Totally agree with @BIWI. Family comes before her friends. This is a family gathering (how often do you all get together and see each other)?

Sometimes kids have to put others before themselves.

So an older teenager isnt allowed to have her own views that disagree with her parents?

What does she mean she doesn't 'believe in' gay marriage. Does she think taht if they are the same gender two people don't have the right to pledge to be together for life because they love each other and want to celebrate that? That's blatant homophobia and it's fairly rare in her generation. Where's it come from? Is she committed to some religious group that's not as open minded as it could be?

I'd worry more about the attitude than attendance at the wedding.

A lot of people don't agree with gay weddings, and not just 'religious' people. No its not homophobia, its an opinion just as valid as yours,

Maybe she thinks that they are free to live as they choose, just as she is free to choose not to want to support something she disagrees with.