Teens affecting your mental health?

[KikiTheFrog]

So I am a worrier. Always have been but events this past year with dd16 have worn me down and I basically feel like shit a lot of the time, depending on the current state of play with dd. Nothing drastic or too bad has happened luckily, but Ive had days off work becsuse ive been too upset to go in, lost weight through not eating and sleep badly. All through dealing with her and sorting out her problems when necessary.
I suppose its not fair to blame her for how I'm feeling because its the way i react thats the problem, but if she didn't do, or not do, all those things or say all that stuff then I wouldn't be upset and anticipating the next disappointment. Yes I'm probably a bit depressed and have actually referred myself for therapy but am I the only one like this?

Wardrobe - I'm rubbish at applying too! I also seem to be almost constantly on edge. DDs got uni interviews this week, she's not at all prepared and seems to think winging it is fine!

In the last week I've burnt my hand, several times, on the oven, walked into a open cupboard door, and tonight smashed the bumper of my car into a very visible bollard whilst taking the cat to the vet!
I've also just googled the annoying vibrating of my eardrums, and apparently it's all down to stress! Well I never!!

Today I ordered this book --

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/1846680875/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2_olp?ie=UTF8&qid=1456302844&sr=8-1&keywords=get+out+my+life+but+first+take+me+and+Alex+to+town

Used condition only 3.50 including postage from Amazon

DD18 appears to hate my guts and thinks I need therapy to calm down.

Am just off out for lunch and shopping with her which happens very rarely because I am such a nightmare to do anything with apparently - my friends don't share her opinion but that is because they are "a bunch of middle aged saddos." Anything I say or do is met with eye rolling or outright hostility.

I shall report back. There may be tears.

Hope the shopping went well gleekstar. It usually goes ok when you're holding the money!

Good book Gotabittricky hope it helps!

So I've managed to engage DD in college a bit more. She's agreed to stay home instead of at bf's on the night before her three early starts, as recognises she can't motivate self to get up and go and needs me to do it. She's been to college every day this week, but texted me from bf's just now to say she's too low to go in today. So why do I immediately plummet down? Why not feel really really happy about the other four days?! Her attendance last month was less than 30%! Must focus on the positive! Didn't tell her any of this.

I think my feeling down about it is partly coz DH decided to go all hard line last night about her (just in conversation with me, she was out). Have tried all that in the past and it ended in a mess. Wish he'd just stay consistent and not go all Victorian parent every now and then. So wearing.

Morning Peebles!! Oh yes, my DH does exactly that- 'leave her to it' one minute, then Victorian father the next!
Well done on her getting into college though - it's very hard to be positive about the days she did go in, as you're probably thinking "oh here we go again, another day off, just as it was going well!"?? (I know I've thought that!)

I feel on constant edge, wondering what's going to happen next, who's she going to let down, who's she going to piss off; none of which I can manage or change, but still.....
Worrying now as she's not been taking her medication properly, so what hope has she in 6 months time away from home at uni?

Hi 3cats. Thanks, and I can completely relate to all you say in your reply! Actually she managed to pull herself round and go in, so I was really pleased about that and I do know it's hard for her.

Know what you mean about being constantly on edge. Yesterday: She can't go in (my mood goes down). She went in (mood goes up). She texted after college to say how happy she was she'd gone in and was going out with friends (mood up). Texted to say might come home as feels too low to go out (mood down). Stays out, feeling ok (mood up). Texted to say her night couldn't have been any worse - arggggghhhh! It's all about detaching again, isn't it? I'm not toooo bad, I went out with DH and friends last night as planned. Had phone but didn't glue myself to it.

As for DH, I have to realise that he is dealing with all this as a parent, too, and it's hard for him. But we don't half fall out about it sometimes!

He has said about her going to uni (if she goes) that it may well just lead to a whole other set of problems, as you've just said. I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. We could text DDs every morning to remind them to take their meds!! Is your DD planning on going far away to uni?

Thanks - shopping trip went well, but as you say, 99% of that was down to my credit card ownership. I deliberately didn't go overboard though - just a magazine, some make up and a candle.

She didn't ask for more which is progress. We have got on better the last few days. She has to go to a uni interview alone next week as I will be abroad on business. I think it will do her good to have to do it all herself without my support as maybe she might value me a bit more? Maybe I am kidding myself.

Like everyone else, I partly cannot wait for her to go, and partly will be worried sick.

Oh Peebles, I know that ' mood up/down feeling! When I see a text from her, my stomach often does a flip, and I think "what now?"; not always, but frequently. It's so wearing!xWhen she's happy, I'm content.

My friends say, "why do you worry so much, she's really not that bad, compared to some". I certainly don't worry about my DS like this; I hard to explain isn't it??
It's the unpredictability, mood swings, demands, etc. I can't seem to pull myself away.

She's fallen out with all her friends this week, (never happened before); all over a misunderstanding that should have stayed between her and a friend, but everyone jumped on the bandwagon and shared bitchiness on Twitter! She can be very volatile and says all sorts she doesn't mean; it's a mess!
I swing between saying 'pull yourself together, sort yourself out, and start acting like you're 18, not 12";

and then wanting to wrap her up in a blanket and look after her!
She's hopefully going to a uni about an hour away.

Oh dear, another day of drama for you! On a positive note it sounds like she talks to you about things, if she's told you about the fall out (unless you stalk her online of course )

Uni an hour away sounds perfect to me - independence but near enough if needed.

Agree about not worrying about DS (I have two, away at uni). I don't think friends understand unless they've been there (which none of mine have). It could be a lot, lot worse though - it just doesn't always seem that way!

Hope she sorts things out with her friends.

No, she tells me very little Peebles, I only found out about the fallout because her friends told me. When she's questioned, it's all very defensive, and everyone else's fault.
Immaturity has a lot to answer for!!

Saturday night - risotto & wine!

So glad I found this post. I'm in a similar situation with my son. I'm constantly treading on eggshells with him and live my life in a state of anxious panic. The most recent problem has been my son has decided he has no friends and has spent the weekend moping round the house with a face like thunder yelling at me every time I try to talk to him. The truth is, he has got friends but when he left school he got an apprenticeship while everyone else went to college. Now they've all got new friends and are busy at weekends either working or out with other people and my son feels dreadfully lonely. His closest friend works a lot when he's not at college but they do go to football matches together a lot. Another friend just plays computer games online with him and whenever I suggest they meet up, he bites my head off. I'm so worried about his mental state it's making me ill. How do we switch off from parenting?? Even if only for a little while??

I feel like I am treading on eggshells a lot of the time. I feel like I am being a bit false, always thinking about what I say in case I say the wrong thing and dd takes offence. That's no way to be in your own home is it?

That's if dd actually spent any time at home. She's been staying at her friends house since Friday. That's what she tells me anyway and I haven't got the energy to question her too much. She just accuses me of not trusting her when I do and I have to admit that I don't. But to keep the peace I go along with it. I just feel a bit hurt that she just doesn't want to be here and never ever considers me at all.

I'm trying to detach as everyone says you should but its hard and today I can't.

Sorry I'm feeling a bit down

Hi. So glad I found this site.
Mum of an only child, daughter is 17.
I went to the doctor on Friday for anxiety.
He has put me on cetalapram 20mg.
But what I want to share is the NHS self help leaflets site Northumberland.
Not sure how to do a link, but if you type that in, the site is pretty helpful. Leaflet pages on anxiety, and depression.

I'm having one of those days too. My anxiety levels are through the roof today and I'm unable to eat, sleep, think or concentrate. I know I need to back off and concentrate on myself, I've recently broken my ankle and the forced isolation is making me 100 times worse. But in the time since I broke my ankle my DS hasn't helped me at all. He's not stopped his life to worry about me stuck at home on my own with no one but the cat for company. But no matter how I try to make myself feel better about my sons current situation, nothing works. I would chop my leg off to make him happy. I find myself turning to my parents for support as they've been through these terrible teenage years and come out with hair so it must be ok in the end??? But when is the end??

This thread is a revelation. Felt like i was the only person going through any of this and feel useless, ineffectual and that i must just be crap at being a parent. DS 15 has turned into a really unpleasant person - lying, stealing money from me and DS 18, smokes weed, does no work, out all the time, loads of trouble at school (including an incident resulting in a meeting with the police). Has made no attempt to apply for anything post year 11 and seems to think its all just going to fall into his lap. Just had a row with him - its 2 am - because he's been smoking weed in his room and the smell has drifted into my room, doesn't matter how many times I ask him not to he does it anyway. Feel stressed the whole time and am at a point where i don't like him anymore and wish i'd never had any kids.

I'm getting some comfort from reading these posts. I thought things were tough last year in the run up to GCSEs but here we are again and I'm getting myself all churned up again. Dd, nearly 17 now and doing AS levels now and she is worse than she was last year. Does the absolute bare minimum of work, is out ALL the time, often late for classes, up half the night so can't get up in the morning, which she denies but I am out before her so don't know for sure. Lots of other stuff going on, including new bf on the scene which brings another set of worries. Nothing major but one thing after another all the time. And I'm just worn down by it all. We've had so many confrontations in the past 18 months I just haven't got the energy for more fighting.
People talk about detaching. How do you do it? I try but I'm always drawn back in as I feel I have to protect her and stop her making mistakes.
I find myself reaching for the a bit too often . I know I shouldn't but you know.
So that's a start anyway. Advice appreciated.

Thank god for this thread, I thought I was alone. I used to love being a mum (up until about two years ago) and I thought I was pretty good at it but not anymore. My failings have been stripped bare and both of mine, DS aged 20 and DD aged 17 are both depressed and anxious (DS also has quite bad OCD) and have been/are going to therapy. Apparently DD doesn't like coming home either and I've started to distance myself from her - I sort of feel bullied by her remoteness. I've always been interested in her but I feel as though I'm investing too much and it isn't reciprocated. I feel sad, I am not secure in our relationship and I'm envious of people who don't have children. The house feels so much calmer and welcoming when it's just me and DH. I never, ever thought I would feel like this.

Confused "worn out", "drawn back in", "churned up" "one thing after another";

all of these I'm saying "yes" to!

Waiting for the next problem, demand, disappointment. I have to stop comparing,
I have to accept that she's not the motivated, hard-working, high-achieving, respectful, affectionate girl that my friends seem to enjoy in their teenagers.

I've even put little icons on my phone contacts, so when I glance at my phone I know it's one of my friends messaging me, and I don't get that sinking feeling, thinking "oh what now?!" How awful is that?

It's not all bad, sometimes she's great, but I never fully relax and enjoy things when they are good.

3cats i know what you mean about not relaxing - DS has been lovely tonight, he voluntarily sat with the rest of the family doing English revision, and now I'm right on edge waiting for... something. I have a constant sense of impending doom and its really clouding my relationship with him and my other children. I want to be supportive and encouraging and able to make him feel he can achieve good things but just end up having a massive go at him. Have decided i'll try to take a step back but its so difficult.

Yeah I'm in this crowd. I keep counting the weeks to the A-levels and thinking 'when will she start doing some f**ing revision?! She can be lovely but so bloody lazy and no sense of urgency or time at all.

I'm with you there Peebles. Mine has AS exams in May and she is doing sod all revision, barely doing any work at all. Then I found out she missed a class today. Its an extra catch up session to do homework etc, but she can't be arsed to go in! She NEEDS this class as she does fuck all at home. Excuse my language but I'm annoyed

Hi I have just posted on the sixth form thread too.
DS (16 nearly 17) has just been diagnosed with depression and I'm not doing too well. I feel heartbroken for him and really worried.
(I had quite serious PND and have had a couple of recurrences so I'm also worried that he 'caught' it off me somehow.
He was such a happy little boy / young teenager - it's difficult to see where it went wrong.
We have always been very close but at the moment he seems constantly angry with me and I just don't seem to get anything right.
I have a very busy senior job and I am finding it very difficult to focus. I feel sick and shaky but I'm trying really hard to stay on even keel because I know I need to be strong and ok to help him.
Anyway have been reading through all your messages and finding them helpful.

Hjo123 my situation seems exactly the same as yours- only the police incident happened today so god knows what will happen now! Really struggling

Does anyone else's dc stay up half the night then not get up till lunch time? It really drives me nuts and I can't settle at night coz I know dd is still up pissing around on her phone or whatever. She has late starts some days so just stays in bed until she has to leave. Fine on a weekend but not during the week. We've had many a row at 3 am as I keep asking her to turn out the light and go to sleep and she will shout at me to off and leave her alone! But for some reason I just can't sleep when I know she's still up. She is too old to take her phone off her and cancelling her contract would backfire on me as I would have even less contact with her.
I know she's not doing anyone any harm but life to her seems to be a permanent holiday. Our house is a hotel which she comes back to to sleep in, its 90% socialising and 10% work.
I'm just a bit tired this morning and fed up with her just not giving a damn. I cannot really talk in RL about all that's going on with her so here I am. Dh says just leave her to it, its not worth the aggro.

Yes I totally get it. I am seriously the best sleeper ever. But I have an insomniac DH and a DD like yours. She's in the room next to ours and the walls are paper thin. Last night she rowed loudly with bf till around 1am (unfortunately didn't dump him but that's another issue). Just as they finally go to sleep and I can have some peace, the bloody cat joins in and wakes me up too. Despite those two being being awake half the night it is ALWAYS me that gets up to sort the cat in the night.

When DSs are back from uni it's even worse - films playing in the background till all hours. On the rare rare occasion they are all away its utter bliss. I love them all but I sleep so much better alone!

DD stays out a lot, so it's a lot better on those nights too (DH pretty quiet despite insomnia). So I feel for you!!