Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

[Ledkr]

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

I'm in DS is 15, about 12 and half he changed from being a sweet natured, loving thoughtful and funny child into a grumpy grunting slob with a bad attitude. I still see occasional flashes of the lovely boy he used to be and I know he'll be back to his old self eventually, but it is tough.
I think the worst bit is that they really know how to get under your skin when you're feeling at you lowest.

Marking place, ds 14 has been wearing us down but ok past few days, will come back to read support /advice when he starts up again

Oooo I feel so much better reading these, I've been so alone

cats she started to loathe me a few years ago. I am naturally very loud and dramatic as are my friends but they are "hilarious" and I'm not.

She sings and dances as did I. She is scathing of anything I sing or try to help her with tap steps (I can teach tap) so I do not bother.

By far the funniest yet is when I was taking the Mickey out of selfies and having a good pout. She snapped at me that "you can't pout properly"

I thought it was just my dds. What is it with the dirty knickers? Marking my place.

Twinkle, RJ - DD is very quick witted, but I'm still ahead of her! and I get "all my friends think you're weird".

Well, that's strange, as all your friends call me their 'second mum' and wish their mum was as 'cool' as me! All your friends text me and seek me out when they're here to talk over their problems.

you can't pout properly that's hilarious.
Mine changed overnight like Kevin the Teenager. I hardly ever see him how, he's either in his dump of a bedroom with most of my cutlery and crockery or out to football pitches with his mates. I guess I'm lucky he's still footie mad, he's not that bothered yet about going out getting pissed etc... which some of his mates now do regularly.

Marking my place...3 teenage ds's but it's my youngest 13 year old that wears me down....plus the constant fighting with his 16 year old brother....

Do any of you have one 'difficult' DC, whilst the other one is a breeze?
I know it's all to do with personalities, but my DD doesn't seem to 'fit-in' with how we are as a family?!
We're very laid-back, quiet, non-confrontational, comfortably-off but definitely not rolling in it; yet DD has this entitled attitude that no-one else in the family has.
DS saves hard for everything he has and is grateful for everything we give him; DD can't understand why I won't give her £20 to go out tonight!!

Yes, what is the dirty knicker thing?
She left her San towels on the top of the shared bathroom bin last week.
I later asked her if she had any "purple bags"
"Shhhhhh, mum, fgs" she hissed at me rolling her eyes towards eh.
So she was too embarrassed to discuss it but not too embarrassed to leave them where everyone could see
Can we discuss Internet rules on here?
Dd is obsessed and a lot of our arguments are about it.
On a school night I like it off about 9, she goes to bed at 9.30 but faffs about for so long that it's normally about 10.
I have to take the phone and pad or she will be on them half the night, we have tried but she just cannot self regulate.
Consequently most nights she kicks off when it's time to hand over, everyone goes to bed cross or upset.
At weekends I give her longer but it's never enough, I have tried leaving it all night but she slept until 2pm the next day and then she cannot sleep the next night. She gets very anxious if she cannot sleep and will wake us up throughout the night so she needs a bit of a consistent routine.

cats I have 3 adult sons, who were not a breeze but didn't wear me down like she does.

My other Dd is 4 and just the cutest thing on the planet now. She actually said shit yesterday after I'd been shouting at Dd, I felt very upset about it.

Ledkr we turn the internet off here at 9.30pm, last resort after trying to get gadgets off them. It's easier than having a row every night. They are smashing kids in lots of ways, lovely reports about helpfulness and manners from school etc but can be painfully thoughtless at home. I have threatened to circulate photos of the shit tip bedrooms. I had to throw together an overnight bag to drop off to her the other day and went in the knicker drawer to discover six pairs of mucky ones. Why do they dig in about something so basic as putting stuff in the wash?

clippity do they not have 3G on their phones?

I currently have SS, CAMHS, Women's Aid involved in my family, and the Police recently.
Dd's counsellor thinks she needs to be assessed for Aspergers.
She's lovely when she wants to be, I adore her, but god so much work and I worry she will break me, not sure how much longer I can cope.

I'm in DD 14 mh difficulties. She is orange she leaves knickers and pads lying around to she also drinks and loiters around lies about where she is, runs huge phone bills up, is rude 24/7 , is very challenging at school, has a boyfriend who is quite manipulative, constant fall outs and major dramas with anyone and everyone, it's not her fault ever , no empathy, no general chit chat "how are you mum". Can you tell I'm fed up I'm the worst mum ever and she can't wait to leave home because I won't allow her boyfriend to sleepover or buy her spirits

She's just got in an hour late and asked to walk to macdonalds (a 40 min walk each way) I've said no. She has 4 friends to sleepover and just called me a "fucking jar" infront of them all I'm actually embarrassed. Her friends even look horrified she is now throwing things round her room talking about how evil i am I give up

I'm sorry tina. Can u send the friends home?
Dd has had her usual Internet withdrawl paddy. This time at 11.30 so I may as well stick to 9 even at weekends as it clearly makes no difference

DD14 (almost 15) and DS12 here and reading all your posts actually made me breathe a huge sigh of relief in the knowledge that I am not alone in having a DD with a knickers/pads "thing".

DD is the nicest, sweetest thing; is bright, genuinely witty and great company. Until she goes into full on teenage witch mode that is. Draws the blood from under my nails - pushes buttons I honestly did not know I had.

The internet is an issue here as well. Have taken to turning it off at 9.30pm and actually listening for her to be asleep before turning it on again. Madness
really.

I sang in a band for years. DD has a bloody brilliant voice and it fills me with pride and happiness when I hear her sing. Sometimes I even have the audacity to join in. Cue "why do you always have to correct me?!?! Gawwwwwwwd you are just sooooooooooo annoying!!!" followed by slammed doors. I just whistle these days, to be kind to my door frames.

She is suffering her first heartbreak at the moment as her BF has broken up with her after 4 months and I want to give her the biggest hug and wipe her tears away but "I wouldn't understand" apparently.

DS 12 is watching on the sideline, avidly taking notes on teenage behaviour and I am sure he will happily regurgitate them in a few years time. Oy ve.....

A few years ago, I started a thread just like this (under a different name). At my wits' end with DD and the way she behaved. She must have been about 16 and was bloody vile. We clashed constantly and it almost split DH and I up it was so bad.

And now? Its fine, she's normal and nice and kind and no longer (in the 4th year of housesharing!) lives in a home the council might shut down as being a health hazard. A few weeks ago she apologised for her behaviour during the teenage years, recognising just how awful she had been.

Not come on here to be smug at all just in case it comes across that way, but wanted to tell you all it will will will get better and they will become decent human beings. In the meantime, may I recommend gin - lots of it - and not going anywhere near their bedrooms for starters.

I live in hope I'll be able to say that in a few years
DD has earnt herself a friends round ban she is just so angry, I suspect it stems from her dads rejection of her and the fact he's gone on to have more children. It's hard but I can't change him I have tried so hard to support her in her kindest moments she likes to say " you hurt the ones your closest to" but God i wish she wouldn't.

Ah, I may have met my people. My dd is 16, she has Aspergers and I'm nearly broken but not quite. She has some pretty full on MH issues too.

I'm an incredibly hilariously funny upbeat person and that sees me through the worst.

It's hard to distinguish between being 16 and having MH issues/AS. This thread makes my life seem somewhat normal!

It's the violence that almost breaks me though.

DD is HF ASD. Camhs said its like teenage hood personified by 1000 and it really is she makes Kevin look like an angel I think the lack of empathy makes it harder as she doesn't feel guilt or any remote remorse for her behaviour ever. It's a rewarding job ..........

and to all my fellow teen-sufferers.

What is it about those bloody (literally) dirty knickers?!?!?! Isn't it as much of an effort to stuff them into a drawer as it would be to put them into the laundry basket?!?! I can't believe I'm raising such a skanky girl

Joking aside it has driven me to the edge and I literally hate my life and the endless struggle with we have with them. I like to think we are kind, polite, hard working, empathetic parents who have set appropriate boundaries and given a huge amount of love and nurturing to them but it all feels fairly hopeless at the moment.

I could have written this! And DH and I recognise it could bring our relationship to its knees. DS is v nearly 13 ( hope I can join in!), early puberty after steroid treatment means we have had the mood swings for several years and he has felt especially different to or isolated from his peers. He is so bright and can be so witty but totally unmotivated - to wash, do homework, etc the laziness, idleness drives me mad. To pick his skanky boxers off the bathroom floor is apparently an infringement of his human right to chill out after a hard day and he has already learnt to tell small lies to stop further questions. I fall for it every time.

I am only at the start of it all. It the thought of the years ahead fill me with sadness I have a 9yo as well and so this will be my life for the next decade. I need this thread!

I think if I could set my router to lock her out at 9 our house would be a happier place. ive been googling but don't understabd it at all

On my, so good to hear the knicker problem is not mine alone 😕, Dd neatly 14, bedroom a pit, constantly taking food up even though she isn't meant to, knickers , san towels... It's foul ! I have had a steep learning curve over last year , I ignore more than I thought I ever could !!