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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does anyone ever feel like they are in an abusive relationship with their dcs!!

183 replies

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 10:17

Ok, prepare for a torrent of self pity!! Another weekend of not being able to do anything right, no matter what I do! Don't know which is worst the horrible comments or the silent treatment. Am I the only one who feels like they are in some kind of abusive relationship!!?? If I wasn't related to them I would do all I could to avoid them, let alone live with them!!

OP posts:
3catsandcounting · 09/06/2015 15:06

wootoodo - mine would just go to the party anyway. She'd find a way!

Both my DCs have been brought up to show respect, be kind and thoughtful, and do small jobs around the house. DS almost 16, remains a constant. DD, almost 18, on the other hand, at around 14-15 became bone idle, leaving her previously clean and tidy bedroom in a constant shit heap, and truly believing that I'm there to do it all for her. Her attitude and general hatred of us all is common theme now.
She knows we loathe her behaviour but it seems to empower her. Very sad. Sad

Gymbob · 09/06/2015 15:08

is that you woo? I think someone has hacked wotoodoo's account Grin

Maryz · 09/06/2015 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3catsandcounting · 09/06/2015 15:51

Grin Gymbob!! Well, at least my DDs never called me a Chav mum!!

3catsandcounting · 09/06/2015 16:00

Absolutely, Maryz (the voice of reason!) My DCs are polar opposites personality-wise.
Thing is, DS has matured in a consistent way, whereas DD's maturity is very sadly lacking.
Maryz' phrase of "ignore the attitude, notice the action" is slowly implanting in my brain. Ignore the horrible behaviour; if they're getting up, going to college, socialising, etc, then you're doing an OK job as a parent!

wotoodoo · 09/06/2015 16:25

No it hasn't been hacked, it was just the crossover from being lighthearted to genuinely heinous abusive behaviour that made me [shocked]

Luckily we live in the middle of nowhere so if she did disappear down a drainpipe it would be pitch black and fields for miles [smiles].

I have been having trouble with dd2 (aged 15) too, after finding nothing left to the imagination photo's sent to a young man after our holiday over half term.

Luckily no trouble from the others...yet.... but I know it can come at any time/and/or in stages so always have to be prepared Smile

But I don't have to deal with domestic drudgery disputes thank god as I am too much of a feminist to allow anyone to think it's just equal shared work, that truly would the nail in the coffin for me in being a happy mum.

wotoodoo · 09/06/2015 16:28

sorry misstype, 'anything other than'...
h

3catsandcounting · 09/06/2015 16:55

woo - we too live quite rurally; doesn't stop DD stropping off at midnight into the pitch darkness in the middle of the road - in fact, it all adds to her drama! Silly girl.

3catsandcounting · 09/06/2015 16:56

Sorry - wo!! not woo!

ArseForElbow · 09/06/2015 17:04

Ah good so it's not just me then...

maroonedwithfour · 09/06/2015 17:06

Dd1 (13) is only nice when she is getting something or food she likes. Where has my baby gone?

maroonedwithfour · 09/06/2015 17:18

Also find it wearing when people go on about mych harder it is with little ones. I have a 2,6 and 10 year old as well. Trust me teens are hard in a different way.

retrocutie · 09/06/2015 17:21

I wanted to come on and post an almost identical thread! Except my DS is only 9 years old. He is arrogant, entitled and self-piteously shrieks the whole time he doesn't get his own way. Like today, he had a hissy fit about his friend not coming around ("it's not fair! I never see him!" he's round every bloody day normally ), about having to do his homework ("I've had a hard day! I shouldn't have to do this!"), about his sister wanted to watch a programme instead of the daily wrestling we have to watch because of him ("I never get to watch what I want!!!").

How did this happen? I have raised 5 children and none of them are like him. During the day at work, I am lively and vibrant and happy. I pick DS up and I'm happy to see him, but as soon as we get home he starts. And I have noticed I have started changing. Within a couple of hours it's like I've turned into a frail old lady. He wears me down. My voice has started changing after I've been with him a while, all weak and shaky.

Is there any hope? Or am I going to have to send him to boarding school?

retrocutie · 09/06/2015 17:26

PS: sorry, I've just seen this in the 'Teenagers' section. Hope it's still OK to join the thread.

BrendaBlackhead · 09/06/2015 17:32

I think some kids are born teenagers, retrocutie!

One dn I have seemed to be in rehearsal from the moment of her birth (no, wait a minute, before then as her mother had terrible morning sickness...). The upside was that her parents were very well prepared when she actually did become a fully-fledged teen.

Tequilashotfor1 · 09/06/2015 17:39

Is there two wottoodo Confused

mopthefloorwithme · 09/06/2015 20:11

I was going to say to wotoodoo that she might be surprised in a year or two to find her teens being just like ours are. I didn't expect it to happen that quickly Grin

ancientbuchanan · 09/06/2015 23:24

Well, I was a lazy, slobbish, entitled grumpy over sensitive teen who made my DM's life a misery by my sighing, early English martyr attitude. So I recognise the type.

DS is a lazy slobbish entitled teen who us grumpy when tense but when not grumpy is far wiser and more balanced than I will ever be.

So incremental clearing up is sought, but I think his DP will be emotionally in a much better place. And whilst it's a false dichotomy, sharing a house/ flat will/ should teach him fast.

ancientbuchanan · 09/06/2015 23:25

And, ps, feminism has nothing to do with it. He's just idle and admits it.

Original poster
Slippersmum · 11/06/2015 13:46

Retrocutie you are so welcome to post and couldn't agree more with Brenda some dcs are 'born teenagers' (love that)!

I cannot recall when my dd became the creature that she is but it was years ago now, way before the teenage years!

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 11/06/2015 19:22

Got to turn this conversation around.

This week it was my birthday. DH is overseas and my parents are both dead so was feeling rather alone. I came home from work all tired and snappy. No post, no cards on the mat.

Started moaning at the kids. They were a bit weird and kept hanging around he kitchen. DD 16 suddenly appeared with a fantastic chocolate cake with candles on it. They both produced cards, party hats and whistles and gave me an impromptu birthday song. Dd 16 had walked to the supermarket to buy everything.

They then arranged a Skype call with DH and produced large box of expensive Belgian crocs which had come by courier.

Ahhhh, the little darlings. They love me after all. Star

They are both slobbing on the sofa right now......

mopthefloorwithme · 11/06/2015 22:28

aww so sweet travelled...it means so much when they do that. Have a lovely evening Flowers

farmlass · 11/06/2015 22:46

I just sing and smile to myself as I potter around if the dcs are ranting.it drives them mental!

Gymbob · 11/06/2015 23:19

happy birthday travelled, how bloody lovely of them. so they are still human underneath. that's such a relief.

I will live in hope, as Belgian chocs are my absolute fave, but won't hold my breath. mine are complete and total tossers and wouldn't be capable of such humanity at present.

so envious though Grin

Travelledtheworld · 12/06/2015 08:39

I did drop a few hints about the chocs........Grin

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