Does anyone ever feel like they are in an abusive relationship with their dcs!!

[Slippersmum]

Ok, prepare for a torrent of self pity!! Another weekend of not being able to do anything right, no matter what I do! Don't know which is worst the horrible comments or the silent treatment. Am I the only one who feels like they are in some kind of abusive relationship!!?? If I wasn't related to them I would do all I could to avoid them, let alone live with them!!

Glad it's not just me then...

Oh & even the bloody animals are joining in! Got up at 5.20 as wide awake, fed the pets, decided to get an hour back in bed. Cats ambushed me demanding cuddles/in/out & Velcro dog whined incessantly from bottom of stairs as I'd left him. He fell asleep on his bed as soon as I came down. Little bugger. :)

Same here 3cats except dont really see any glimmers of loveliness from my DD. Just hope that one day she will grow up and change.

Your sons will be someone else's future husbands and fathers.

Your daughters will be someone else's future wives and mothers.

If you or your partner have not done the basic daily grind/groundwork with your dc when they were young at the same time as they were learning to clean their teeth and potty train (pick clothes off the floor, put in laundry basket, tidy rooms, and later pack schoolbags, fix a simple meal) how can you suddenly expect them to want to bother when they are teenagers?

It won't be second nature. I don't understand your comment about gloating/ thinking I'm such a wonderful mother. All my friends are similar in their expectations, alot are stricter. All dc's friends have been brought up to help around the home as normal behaviour. The ones who leave a mess are told by the others to clean up, I never have to ask. It's common courtesy and decency.

They also make cups of tea and cook for friends and family. All I can say is I hope my sons never meet your daughters and my daughters never meet your sons!

Love your name mopthefloorwithme!!

So, SonceyD0g did you do it this morning??? My ds was not well today so didn't go into school, actually I think he was onto my plan and was just trying to ruin the only bit of fun I get!!!

My boys did all of that until they hit about 15 , ds2 now does it again but ds1 doesn't .I am reliably informed that in his house at university he did and also that he is an angel at others houses just not at home .He just doesn't seem to get it , apparently this is my house and it's my responsibility to look after it, suggested that he left but no luck yet

Sounds like it's just a stage he's going through outo, but if he wasn't bothering to help out in my house then I would not be bothering to help him out either! Kindness and consideration goes 2 ways!

Sounds like a total lack of respect and if he doesn't feel it's his house too, that's worth addressing.

Mine have total say on the decor/ furniture in their rooms etc and have a vested interest in keeping them as tidy as they can.

If one of my dc want me to take them somewhere or do something for them they often offer to empty the dishwasher/ hang out the laundry and so on. It would not be healthy if it was all take take take or give give give. It's always got to be a bit of both on both sides. Keeps everyone happy

Yes! I showed her the thread last night then when she got out of the car this morning gave her a lovely smile and said " right fuck off then". She nearly phsl at last I know how to get a positive response! Bless her she's fab most of the time just doesn't do mornings or the time of the month very well. Like living with Jekyll and Hyde

My DD is a snarly beast. DS much less so. DH and I have 2 dogs now and we have commented to the kids that the dogs react to us coming home in the same way that the children used to. They love us unconditionally.
I went away for the weekend on cub camp. DS gave me cuddles both before I left and when I got home. DD huffed and sighed at every given opportunity.
Mine do not do jobs. They are bone idle. They have jobs which they are told to do and they just don't do them. You then do it yourself and they say "I was about to do that!". Our house is a mess most of the time because DH and I just can't keep on top of the carnage that the little buggers make. It is relentless and tbh, we can't wait for them to grow up and leave home. That's sad isn't it?

wootoodoo, your comments are patronising and condescending

We are all quite obviously failing our children miserably, and have done since the day they were born.

Perhaps you should write a book so when our rude and selfish offspring decide to procreate, they can benefit from your hugely successful parenting techniques.

Oh SonceyD0g that is so funny!! My dd asked me what I had been doing yesterday, (a very very brief moment of interest in my life) the thought came into my mind well slagging you off on the laptop mainly

wotoodoo this thread may have depressed you but its done wonders for me, lots of laughs and support as we all bumble through this parenting
phase together.

Wotoodo why don't you find a thread that you can benefit from?
We are here sharing our experiences and feeling a bit better to know it's not just us. What are you getting from it?

I have found my spiritual home.

I have ds who has his off moments but 99% of the time is my pal. Dd makes me so and she is only 11. Every sodding thing I do is embarrassing. She never initiates a conversation. If I try to have a heart-to-heart she groans or erupts. Nothing is good enough for her.

I think wotoodo is my sil: she has three dds and they are a living tableau of Little House on the Prairie crossed with Little Women. Her dds are always stroking her hair, making her cups of tea, all going on family holidays in perfect harmony... She says that her dds have never had a cross word with her or each other.

I actually spat out my sandwich as I pmsl at the Christmas turkey

DD2 was allowed to clear her room ready for the new bed and furniture coming today. I knew it was a mistake. no rhyme or reason to it, just pure laziness. dirty clothes thrown away because putting them in the wash basket would've meant another job. photos and achievement certificates binned cos it would've meant filling them in the new furniture. school letters and cheques binned cos she couldn't be bothered to hand them over.

then she asked if she could go on holiday on her own with her mate this year. she's 15 . her brain has been totally rewired.

I am in a stand off situation with dd at the moment because she wants to buy her own clothes - going to the shops with a friend. Consequently she has nothing to wear because that just ain't happening. She won't go with me and various things I've ordered or bought she won't even glance at. I simply don't understand - I liked going shopping with my mum

Brenda! Reminds me of a FB acquaintance who extols the virtues of her girls - "never give me a moments worry, I'm very lucky" - with a comment back saying, "not luck, just good parenting"!
She's forgotten the teenage drunken binges in town, and the fact her eldest used to escape from her bedroom window to meet her much older, unsuitable boyfriend!

Christ, why doesn't that No Charge song come with a warning? I started off thinking 'this is the cheesiest guff I've ever seen' and then 1.2 minutes later I was uncontrollably sobbing.

gymbob I think we may share the same DD?? Mine also throws dirty plates and knifes and forks instead of washing them. I have two spoons in the house and I know it's through her

I'm soooooooooooo ready for her to move out!

Brenda, I happened to glance over DD's shoulder one day as we were out shopping (for clothes for her). She was texting her friend how awful it was being out with me. Her friend was bemused why she didn't want to have a girly day with me and says she loves having Mum and Daughter time.
Another time, I happened to glance over DD's shoulder as she was busy texting her friend what a whore I am -I had explained to her that I couldn't afford to buy her a superdry coat as it was a few days before Christmas and that we were out for ice skating, not for coat shopping. I then had the nerve to suggest she could use her Christmas money towards a coat. I said I'd pay up to £40 and she could make up the difference. I'm so unreasonable!

Yes gymbob being 'abused' , taken for granted and sworn at is such fun isn't it?!

Luckily some of the posts are lighthearted.

But some of them....if your dc don't learn to be kind and thoughtful at home where else are they going to learn it?

glove punch of solidarity.

Last weekend we were in London and dh and I asked dd if she'd like a quick foray into Regent St to choose something from Zara etc. Honestly - you'd think we'd offered her the choice between the iron maiden or the rack.

I just don't get why I am so embarrassing. I don't think I look that random yet I get sideways looks, theatrical cringeing and the sighing, "Please don't" when I've done something particularly heinous, eg the time when I asked the person in front of me in Waitrose if was their salsa left on the conveyor belt. It is quite difficult to always maintain a good humour about it and increasingly she's sapping my self-confidence (what's left of it).

but she was kind, thoughtful, loving, helpful and all the rest of it. then something called puberty arrived. how come it bypassed your house?

I brought her up the same as the other one, who is still human up to point.

I think you are a little condescending as I said, but keeping my cool, as any responsible parent should of course

Sometimes I honestly think that nurture has nothing to do with it. Children in the same family can be completely different.

I know a few teenagers who have driven their parents to drink and the parents seem such nice normal people. There's no "come from a bad background" to fall back on, the teenager is just a monumental pain in the arse.

Dsis once made a cake for dn and her friends who had come round. Dn hissed at her, "Don't you EVER do that again. You've completely humiliated me." Many years later dsis is still bemused about that one.

I am currently getting a flood of texts from dd1 aged 16 'please please pleeeease can I go to the party tonight. I am so sorry I was rude. I promise to help with the gardening'.

But she's not going as I have had enough after spending a week being called 'pathetic' and for shouting 'like a chav mum in Tesco'