Does anyone ever feel like they are in an abusive relationship with their dcs!!

[Slippersmum]

Ok, prepare for a torrent of self pity!! Another weekend of not being able to do anything right, no matter what I do! Don't know which is worst the horrible comments or the silent treatment. Am I the only one who feels like they are in some kind of abusive relationship!!?? If I wasn't related to them I would do all I could to avoid them, let alone live with them!!

Last year DH and I went to New York for the Marathon and left the teenagers at home with grandparents. That in itself was humiliating for them. But I don't actually think they noticed we weren't there, in that someone continued to feed them and was their school uniforms....
I maintain the relentlessly cheerful smile approach......

Actually I remember as a teenager hating the thought of family holidays, and I was also able to stay at home with grandparents - much better all round .

I've just done a big supermarket shop - get home, hoping someone will put it all away. Hey ho, they've all buggered off. And when they appear there'll be no entertaining conversation, or dinner cooked for me, or gratitude -they'll help to eat it all though.

I think I'll create a chores rota for them like I did when they were 6. I know I'll get rolling eyes and victimised glares. But who cares - they can move out if they don't like it can't they?

Love the idea of a holiday on my own - even DH is getting on my nerves by mere association.

oh yes! I know this feeling well.. my 15 yr old ds can be horrible! ungrateful, spoiled, arrogant. He's going to NYC/Washington with the school in Oct, I'm struggling to pay for it as business has been poor this year and he's not even vaguely grateful. If it wasn't for losing the £1200 we've already paid, I'd be telling him he's not going. My 14yr old ds is still lovely atm.. I pray every night he stays that way!

What was that old Country and Western song, "No Charge" ?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=PiaY2GQuuzA

Oh Travelled, funnily enough I told my DD about the 'No Charge' song just last night. She did a little head-shake sneer.

I would have divorced my ds1 by now. Entitled, rude and awkward
My dad wants to pay for us all to go on holiday, I really can't bear the thought of a week with ds1 AND my dad but have no excuses

I've even fantasised about having some not serious surgery so I can have a couple of nights in the Nuffield away from him

I'm thinking the expensive school trip is worth it for 10 days peace and quiet

Every fucking day! DD doesnt chat she ignores, snaps or eyerolls. She makes more mess/ grime than toddlers. Bottle of st tropez on cream carpet which she didnt even attempt to clean and "ITS NOT MY FAULT". She only chats briefly before a request.

Following an accident involving a pot of dark purple nail varnish and a pale sofa, DD has stomped off to boyfriends as it wasn't her fault, and I'm making a big deal of a shitty old sofa.
But it's MY shitty old sofa - and you've damaged it.

My 13yr old has vociferously informed me that £40 monthly allowance isn't enough if I expect him to pay for 4 weekly haircuts and fashion items
Easy. I won't give it to him
Much wailing going on upstairs

Blimey, Dolly! Does he have a haircut every week, or once every 4 weeks?

Oh he'd have it cut every 3 weeks if I would only pay for it
I told him to go out with a hairdresser if he wants that

My DD16 can also be horrible, selfish, lazy, rude, ungrateful - I could go on. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to me at times and I would not put up with that behaviour from anyone else. Why would you be like that and hurt the person who loves you more than anyone else in the world?

Then she expects to be taken on holiday, just so she can get a nice tan. Where she will proceed to ignore me all day and disappear off as soon as she meets some friends. I think not.

Oh they can be vile. I asked my DD17 yesterday to empty her bedroom bin - she looked at me like I'd broken into her house on Christmas day and pissed on her turkey dinner.

So I made her empty every bin in the house instead. Oh how me and DH laughed.

I thought the point of being a parent was to help your child learn the responsibilities and discipline that leads to independence that they need to face the world?

So they are going to make mistakes, as are you but by the end of it, you want to have raised your child in a way which will make them able to cope with life. Able to cook, clean, do their own laundry, take care of others, be kind and thoughtful so it's second nature.

One day they may become parents themselves. So children need good role models in their lives, women who are not abused doormats and men who pull their weight around the home, otherwise what sort of selfish irresponsible monsters are being created?!

I have 3 teenagers and they all help around the home every day and have since they were little, they make mistakes, can be rude and selfish but not in the ways you've described.

You are enabling your children to be spoilt, rude, lazy and self entitled. Why?

What a depressing thread :(

Unfortunately my teen isn't appreciating my efforts to get him to be a reponsible adult wotoodo. It's so unfair you see
Please come and parent him for me as I'm obviously going wrong somewhere

Dolly, I've got one like yours and one like wotoodoo's! I'll probably be told my parenting is wholly inconsistent!

I also have one who is so lazy, they all did jobs but the eldest just can't see the point so he stopped . Yesterday he promised to unload the dishwasher, but get home from work still not done . Apparently he would have done it at some point . Does his own laundry but leaves it in machine , so I have to empty it.

I take maryz point but it is so sole destroying being constantly questioned and belittled , I dread coming home now , sometimes I drive around because I can't face it

wotoodoo - I am sure none of us are actively thinking 'oh it doesn't matter if our teens are rude and horrible' - none of us want to 'parent' children like this. Please give some constructive advice on how to raise teens so they don't behave like this. Perhaps you have just been lucky?

My DS was a really easy baby, I have never had a broken night's sleep - but I don't gloat and think, what a wonderful mother I was, I can sympathise with people who have babies who don't sleep even though I hever went through that experience myself.

And yes, Maryz is quite right (as always ) that we should try to ignore the rudeness and hideous attitudes but it is easier said than done when teens can reduce you to tears. . As someone else said, we wouldn't put up with this behaviour from our partner or colleagues at work so why do we have to accept it at home?

I dread coming home now , sometimes I drive around because I can't face it - I know that feeling, I often stay late at work to avoid certain situations.

Well I have two dc's and have brought them up in exactly the same way. One is lovely and the other one is not! So how does that one work? I dont come on here to go on about how wonderful my ds is, but to vent and not feel so alone struggling with the other one.

I've had to listen to DS1s bass guitar since 7:30am

My DS is a lovely, thoughtful and helpful boy. He has tiny moments of sulkiness, but on the whole, no problem. DD is rude, selfish, entitled, and has glimmers of loveliness. But over the years, she's brought our family to it's knees.

Everyone tells me "she needs to change", "she needs to start appreciating you", "she needs realise how lucky she is", etc. But that's just it. She doesn't think like that. She doesn't need to change. She's fine. It's the rest of us that's wrong.

I've brought my children up in the same way, to be kind, respectful, decent human beings. It's her choice to behave in this way.

God yes, mine are so fucking lazy, they just don't SEE the bloody mess, it's so frustrating.

They are basically good kids & both got some serious MH challenges going on right now so try not to nag but FFS I'm on my knees with exhaustion from trying to be supportive AND provide hotel services.
They will do chores if I ask them without too much eye rolling but I have to ask.Every.Fucking.Time.

If our tiny house was a bit bigger I would gladly just leave it all & see if they noticed but we're falling over each other & mess as it is!