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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS has been excluded from school

205 replies

Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 10:55

Had a call from the police on Friday pm, DS son was found with cannabis at school. They brought him home, searched his room and gave him a Caution, school has excluded him whilst they decide what to do. This sounds very bad but actually turns out he found the tiniest bit ( a stalk and not smokeable ) in a bag a school, happened to fall out of his pocket, he is an idiot for picking it up and is now grounded. But I am very about his future, he was doing so well and very well liked by his teachers, now he could be expelled. I kind of think that school over reacted, what do you guys think?

OP posts:
hesterton · 10/03/2015 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyBaudelaire · 10/03/2015 09:02

hesterton, my son was in a PRU and I can assure you that were no 'heavy drug users' there! Just one other young boy with some mental health problems of some kind.

As they follow the inmates around incessantly there is not even a chance to have a cigarette, which is good.

The only 'heavy drug user' from DC's school is now facing 12 years inside for supplying 'E' during a lesson to someone who then had a bad reaction to it. Good riddance. My point of this anecdote .....? Let's get a sense of proportion.

SunnyBaudelaire · 10/03/2015 09:03

oh yes my point was that 'heavy drug use' is beyond the PRU

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 10:23

Well some of you might think it is "bollocks" that the school has refused to set work for him and I agree it is a mental policy in my mind as he has one project that really needs attention. But the fact is I spoke with his head of year and offered to come to school and pick up stuff he needed to be catergorically been told that this is part of the punishment. I have no letter to say what is happening and so far think he is excluded for 3 days, I say think because no one seems to know.
Re being angry, I actually think it is quite normal he is bored, grounded mostly angry with himself.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 10/03/2015 10:28

do not worry, Blossom, now I think of it, my son was never offered any work to take home when he was excluded. I think it might be normal, and definitely not 'bollocks'.
I guess you have to sit there and wait for the letter...

fannyfanakapan · 10/03/2015 10:28

How are you doing blossom? Its just as hard on the parents, especially the uncertainty.

Its my understanding that they MUST provide work for him while he is excluded - but I guess it depends on whether they have said temporary or temp with a view to or pending permanent.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 10:34

fanny feeling very frustrated and upset if I am honest. I am getting a bit fed up with the school for lack of communication. Not setting him work seems a bit nuts to me. I would good to know what I am dealing with.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 10/03/2015 10:44

"Its my understanding that they MUST provide work for him while he is excluded "
not the case, sadly, IME, not sure what happens after three days though. At that point things might have to change.

fannyfanakapan · 10/03/2015 10:49

I feel your pain.

If they have decided to exclude him, they have to clear it with the governors first - which may account for the radio silence. They will be pulling all his school records to establish a pattern (or not) of behaviour to justify his exclusion. However, no school wants an exclusion on their record, and they may be open to a managed move to another school - I know this does not sit right with you, but it is better than the alternative.

They should notify you of your statutory rights and of the fact that he must not be seen outside during school hours. They should be informing you of the reason for the exclusion, the duration and the plan moving forwards. ALso the legal help available to you. Which, if there is ongoing police involvement, will be precious little.

I think it would be helpful for you to contact the school via email or letter and explain that your DS is suffering from depression and has had counselling for self harm in the last 12 months.

Appeal to the head teacher on the basis of mental health issues and outline how you are going to tackle this - ie that DS has agreed to go back to counselling. Maybe also that you are willing to have your son tested weekly for illegal substances? Its worth a try, and will show the governors at the GDC (governors dicipline committee) that you are supportive and willing to work towards a resolution.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 11:30

Thanks fanny the school is aware about his MH problems and anxiety and know he has attended counselling. I am hoping to hear more today, he does have a good record with school and as said before is well liked by teachers and peers so hope we can move on from this and help sort him out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 13:08

Well update. Finally had a call from school. Have a reintegration meeting on Monday, if all goes well he will rejoin school. We have also talked about getting support for him in terms of helping quit smoking, maybe a bit more counselling. .Thank you to those of you who offered constructive advice and support.

OP posts:
fannyfanakapan · 10/03/2015 13:13

thats great news blossom.

SunnyBaudelaire · 10/03/2015 13:14

very pleased to hear that blossom, so it sounds as though he will be back in school soon. I hope it all goes well for you both at the reintegration meeting.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 13:40

Thanks sunny and fanny, hope he can learn something from this.

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silverbangles66 · 10/03/2015 14:00

Glad you seem to be moving towards some sort of resolution, but (and forgive me if I have misunderstood your wording) you say he's agreed to support to help quit smoking.

That sounds less definite than 'he assures me, and will assure his teachers, that he deserves another chance, and absolutely guarantees he will not smoke cannabis again.' It sounded as though he was unsure whether he had the final decision in his power to actually not smoke again.

Does he not see that or have I misunderstood?

I grew up in a country where smoking dope was legal and I can honestly say it did nobody any favours at all.

yolofish · 10/03/2015 14:05

Hi OP. I'm a parent governor at secondary; you and your boy should be really, really grateful that they are willing to take him back, although I have to say I am quite surprised. We have a zero tolerance policy on drugs at our school - no ifs, no buts; as a result we have a very low incidence (in school, at least).

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 14:15

silver that is unrealistic, I do not want him to make false promises. I want him to enrol on a programme to get help., knuckle down at school and promise to never to give the school a reason not to doubt him

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trulybadlydeeply · 10/03/2015 14:18

That's positive news, Blossom. I really hope the meeting with the school goes well, and that this is the turning point for your son. Take care of yourself, you must be emotionally exhausted. Flowers

silverbangles66 · 10/03/2015 14:19

Thanks for clarifying; so there is still doubt that he is serious about not smoking dope and complying with the school rules?

trulybadlydeeply · 10/03/2015 14:20

Oh, and I agree with your last post, I would be more worried about him if he said he was "never ever going to smoke again". Achievable, realistic steps are the way forward, rather than potentially setting himself up to fail.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 14:33

Exactly truly I have been called naive on here in fact I think I am incredibly realistic. Unlike some I remember what it is like to be a Teenager, though a log time ago for me lol

OP posts:
Fugacity · 10/03/2015 16:32

I hope he never wants to go to the USA. With his police caution, he can't ever go there on a visa waiver.

Drug possession is not trivial.

fannyfanakapan · 10/03/2015 16:46

presumably he will get a youth caution, which is spent as soon as it is issued? He is still a child at 15.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 10/03/2015 17:36

fugacity don't be so dramatic, he is 14 years old. He is not a drug dealer.
Yes Youth caution fanny

OP posts:
Fugacity · 10/03/2015 17:54

U.S. border control are not quite so forgiving.