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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS has been excluded from school

205 replies

Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 10:55

Had a call from the police on Friday pm, DS son was found with cannabis at school. They brought him home, searched his room and gave him a Caution, school has excluded him whilst they decide what to do. This sounds very bad but actually turns out he found the tiniest bit ( a stalk and not smokeable ) in a bag a school, happened to fall out of his pocket, he is an idiot for picking it up and is now grounded. But I am very about his future, he was doing so well and very well liked by his teachers, now he could be expelled. I kind of think that school over reacted, what do you guys think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 11:48

sunny Yes that is a good idea, I will ask.
special he is not lying, FFS

OP posts:
GingerCuddleMonster · 09/03/2015 11:48

14 Shock just take his x-box off him or something, no pudding. Maybe?

I was assuming 17/18 . How the fuck does a 14 get hooked on smoking weed?! I'm much older and don't even know how to obtain such substances!

(runs off to sulk about sheltered life)

thehumanjam · 09/03/2015 11:50

I assumed you were talking about a sixth former.

If the majority of his 14 year old friends are smoking weed that is very concerning. Where does he get from? How can he afford it?

IsabellaofFrance · 09/03/2015 11:51

Oh come on OP, you are being eyewateringly niave. It sounds like you need to grow up.

He is lying to you! The police may have accepted his version of events just to close the case, but you need to realise that that is not the truth.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 11:51

ginger Sadly you are very naive , I wish it were not true. And we are are in a lovely rural area not some inner city, Drugs are rife here. I wish the police would target the dealers who loiter around dealing to kids. When I was at school, I did not know what dope was

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IsabellaofFrance · 09/03/2015 11:52

Or naive even Blush

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/03/2015 11:52

" we are are in a lovely rural area not some inner city"
so are we blossom, the hills are awash with the stuff, and I am talking about eg Ket, pills, coke, etc not just weed.

thehumanjam · 09/03/2015 11:54

Why aren't the police targeting the dealers who hang around the school gates?

What are the school doing about the drugs problem?

Whereabouts in the country are you? We too live in a rural area. I have a 14 year old and he was mortified because he was told off for eating tic tacs in class. Hmm

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/03/2015 11:55

there are not dealers at the school gate, they are within the school.

GingerCuddleMonster · 09/03/2015 11:56

I'm not naive, I'm fucking gobsmacked that a young teen who has no source of income from a pay roll is purchasing weed.

He needs more than a slap on the wrist and a 'grounding', drug usage at such a young age will probably spiral in to much worse drug usage.

Perhaps a permanent exclusion and a black mark on him will be a wake up call for the child.

IsabellaofFrance · 09/03/2015 11:56

What are the school doing about the drugs problem?

Presumably they are excluding and expelling those found with drugs!

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 11:59

sunny I know some of the kids are doing far more than weed, It is so easy for them to get hold of it.. I am am glad at least DS can be open with me, we need to find a way to beat this. Essentially he is lovely in every other way but is sadly compelled to take this vile stuff.
Only recently one is the girls in his tutor group went missing for a couple of days was on the news, she turned up in a well know drug dealers house. We were all so worried

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 12:01

ginger Oh come off it. Get real please. Just because I know it is going on does not mean I agree or condone it

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ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 12:03

It is difficult because it may or may not be a big deal.

I smoked dope a bit at 16, and everyone I knew did, including several teachers (!) I didn't see it as serious, and I was quite certain that for me, it didn't mean I would try heroin or anything (and I didn't). I was a straight-As student, got a first at university and have a good career. Gave up even the occasional joint completely before I was 30. So I can see where the minimising comes from. This is common and it is often seen as normal, a bit of dabbling, everyone does it, etc.

OTOH, it is illegal and there are some forms of dope around now that are a lot more dangerous. Plus, not everyone is me and there are people who end up with a serious problem/it leading to more serious addictions. As a parent, I hope I'd take whatever line the police took and emphasise to my child why school and the police come down hard on it, and support them in that. A caution is sensible, as it gives him a chance to move on from it.

I also think being honest about the facts is a good idea.

  • yes a lot of people do it, yes it's not the worst drug out there.
  • it can be harmful in lots of ways - show him the evidence
  • it gets here through illegal trade routes and production methods that involve a lot of people suffering and being exploited. It's the very opposite of fair trade. Does he really want to consume a product like that?
  • if he's going to smoke dope, he should at least be sensible enough to not let it be anywhere near school, unless he wants to ruin his prospects.
GingerCuddleMonster · 09/03/2015 12:05

so what are your proactive plans to stop his drug usage?

Begging the school to take him back, where he will continue his behaviour and probably 'hang' with the 'kids doing much worse stuff"

whilst I'm all for the caring and understanding approach to paernenting there comes a time when it does not work or is ineffective and you just have to be cruel to be kind.

His exclusion from school is the first solid consequence of drug usage on record, and much needed.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 12:07

Oh I didn't realise he was 14, for some reason I thought 16. That's maybe not a huge difference but there is a significant difference in level of responsibility and also brain development.

At 14 there is all the more reason to come down hard on this.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 12:10

zoom thanks your post was very helpful ans insightful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/03/2015 12:13

Zoom, he is 15 next month, yes I agree I have to get help for him. I worry about his development

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andsmile · 09/03/2015 12:14

Ok I get where your thinking is. I would be proactive with the school - they should appreciate a parent who is willing to support their child and them through it.

Is it a fixed term exclusion or permanent? You should have a letter saying so.

Grounding..hmm does this equipment with info to make better choices? I would target this and you say he is polite and well liked try to appeal to that side of him..Could you not watch that programme together. I did make me sit up and take note..quite powerful.

FlabbyMummy · 09/03/2015 12:14

Presumably due to his age he isn't working and you are funding his drug habit? I hope you have withdrawn all money to him along with him being grounded? I can't believe how much you are minimising this. Yes 14 year olds smoked weed when I was in school, they were the "wrong sort" me and my friends didn't. How was his school record prior to this?

Do you allow him to smoke Weed at home? Do you smoke weed?

Have you looked at other schools? As I think the school have behaved fine and good riddance to a drug taking pupil, I bet they wish they could get rid of more.

andsmile · 09/03/2015 12:16

zoom I tried to point out earlier the differences to what people were smoking 20 years ago is different gear - its chemical make up is different and has different effects. So adults who did this years back sometimes don't realise that the stuff now is more potent.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/03/2015 12:17

flabby get real half of the pupils in the schools is on the stuff, did you not know?
Quite frankly - haha excuse the pun - I find the greedy necking of vodka BOUGHT BY THE PARENTS - more worrying, or at least as worrying as the wholesale weed consumption that is now going on in our schools.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 12:18

Yes I realise that - though I didn't realise all cannabis available now is completely different.

morethanpotatoprints · 09/03/2015 12:19

There are some folk on here who really don't have a clue, I hope for their sakes they wise up because their dc aren't/ won't be immune.
Those thinking my child won't do this, or thinking up ridiculous ideas of what they would do if it was their child need to wise up I'm afraid.
Cannabis is rife in all areas and affects rural areas the same as towns and cities. In fact the boredom in rural areas can make it more of an appeal as we have found with friends dc.
If they are going to do it there is jack shit you can do to prevent it, they have the talks, the list of consequences and take their chances.
You can punish but as another pp says you can't beat it out of them.
I've smoked it, dh has smoked it, still do occasionally and ds2 smokes it as well. Before anyone says he started because of us, he had no idea we smoked as didn't at home.
Gateway drug, my ass. So many people smoke it and never touch anything else. it may have the possibility to encourage other use, but sweeping generalisations are a bit naff.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 12:24

However I still think that there is such a thing as making too big a deal of this. It's probably not true that everyone who tries dope in their teens ends up with their life ruined, even today. So it's better not to behave as if it's a world-ending disaster, IYSWIM. As with all drugs issues, one of the best and most effective ways to deal with it is to give kids full and detailed information. Exactly what it is, what it does, where it comes from, how it can cause harm, how it is used.

Teenagers will know dope is even legal in some places. They won't buy the message that it's simply evil.

However I think the exploitation argument is a very useful one. It certainly put me off drugs when I began to see it as a big system of exploitation in which anyone who buys the end product is perpetuating suffering for lots of other people, as well as being played themselves.

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