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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old and money towards keep

268 replies

Faithope · 03/01/2015 17:39

Hi, so DS has a well paid job for his age-he has a salary of £10,244 a year and last month took home £950. We ask for £300 a month, I do everything for him as in washing his clothes, ironing and putting away and cook his food.
Now my issue is, he has an issue with how much we ask of him to pay. I have broken it down and shown him our outgoings each month and his £300 hardly scratches the surface of what we pay out. I have explained to him that when I was 16 (20 years ago) that I had to pay my mum £250 a month and didn't earn near as much as he does. That's the reason he needs to pay towards his keep is because he is now classed as a working adult and if he was out in the real world, he wouldn't have a penny left after paying rent, bills, food, mobile etc.
He has no idea how to handle money-last month he spent his entire wages in 7 days (all I have seen is a pair of trainers, he got his ear pierced and bought a hoodie) and had not even bought his nan a birthday present. He then asked us to pay his bus fares to work 3x!! I did but told him it was a loan and that he needs to manage his money better next month.
He's been working for 4 months now and each month is the same.
How else can I explain to him that money has to last the month?

OP posts:
buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 09:07

Don't open his mail if you want to treat him like an adult and charge him lodgings.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 09:23

Especially £300, way too much!!!!! Maybe take £100 and make him give you £300 to save. If you're going to take £300 off him you won't be able to use the 'our house our rules' especially it he starts doing his own chores and paying that much, eg girlfriends coming and staying in his room.

FuckitAndStartAgain · 04/01/2015 09:34

I think you are absolutely right Fait. It would be brilliant if some of that for saved for his future but that would be a bonus, paying towards household costs is a given.

I do think he should do much more of the household tasks though, for starters if he can operate a NIKE Excerise thing he can work a washing machine. Cooking family meals is an excellent way of teaching him all sorts of things. Why not consider charging a wee bit less but he has to plan, buy for and prepare a meal each week?

I have a 17 year old who would easily drop £000s in a few days and absolutely share your concerns. It would make me want to take more cash from him so he cannot have so much money for alcohol and illegal substances...

Your son is a child in so many ways, do you think you could get him to start a budget and help him use it everyday? A tracker for spending could be downloaded for free on his phone for starters? Would you be able to enforce an amount for saving? I am not sure how much I would be able to MAKE my son do this hence asking.

Ragwort · 04/01/2015 09:36

Of course you can still have 'house rules' Buttercup - if you rent a room to a lodger you can specify 'no over night guests etc'.

I am amazed at so many of you saying that this mum is charging too much, no wonder we have so many over entitled 'young' adults in society today. People need to understand the realities of running a household - that includes the expenses as well as the chores and responisibilities. Just look at all the threads on here from women complaining about useless partners who don't do their share of the chores and spend their money on X boxes/gaming etc.

Stick to your guns OP - if you can squirrel a little away to 'save' for your DS then fair enough.

YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 09:39

If £300 is too much money to take off a 16 year old because he is a child, surely £650 (the residue) is too much for a child to have and certainly £950 is too much!

YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 09:42

£300 is in no way market rate for bed, utilities, board, laundry service and cleaning service.

And "aw, you wouldn't make him walk would you...!" - seriously, it is HIM making himself walk if he isn't keeping back sufficient money for bus fare from £650!

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 09:46

that's why i think she should take £300 or so for savings and charge him a token amount. He should be doing the chores at his age I agree, as a way to 'pay his keep' too.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 09:47

Rag ah I didn't know that, I do think it would be unfair to charge him £300 pm to live in the family home and still have stipulations for things like overnight guests etc.

flipchart · 04/01/2015 09:48

DS is 18 and has an apprenticeship. He gets a fair bit of overtime.

We don't take any 'board' from him.
Personally I think we can afford to run our house comfortably why take money from him.
However we do expect him to save money. So he as a pension,a long term saving account and an instant access account.his bank account is quite healthy but we have been encouraging savings since he was 7

Instead of paying board he buys decent tools for his trade which are costing a fortune so he doesn't have a huge expense and is ready to go and not really on other people's kit when his apperentship ends.

DaisyFlowerChain · 04/01/2015 09:49

Ragwort but equally there are hundreds of women on here that don't work so don't share any financial responsibility so it's not just men. Paying board doesn't change that.

He is a child in the eyes of them law and lives in his childhood home. It doesn't cost £300 to keep him, if he left the OP would save a bit on food and possibly electricity. Therefore it's just profiting from her own child and that's wrong but it's not the DHs child so maybe that's why the charge is so high. Step parenting always adds another dimension to the mix.

There are plenty of ways to teach him to budget without taking his money.

Original poster
Faithope · 04/01/2015 09:50

Ragwort-Thank you. It's nice to know that are people who understand what I am trying to do. I have been talking with DH this morning and we think we will say to him that we will have £250 towards his keep and the other £50 will go into his savings and that he needs to also save a bit each month, hopefully £50+

Thank you for all the suggestions-I have tried in so many different ways to help him understand the value of money, what he do with the amount he could save in a year.

He actually did say he wants to cook for us all and as a heavily pregnant mummy with a 1 year old, I could do with all the help I can get and having a meal cooked for us would be heaven :) I welcomed this and told him so. I know he can cook spag bol, curry and beans on toast :) I praise him so much with what he does do, like if I ask him (it might take 5 goes) to empty the bin, he does do it eventually and I thank him. He could do more but He works 8-4, goes to youth club to help run it on a Monday and Tuesday. He goes to cadets on Wednesdays and Thursdays and his only free time is friday night and the weekends. I don't want to ask too much of him. I am at home so can do the chores. I think the money arguement is just the tip of the iceburg. I think he has found the transition from being a carefree school boy to a working young man with not a lot of spare time, difficult. I have tried to make it as easy as possible on him.

OP posts:
ToomanyChristmasPresents · 04/01/2015 09:52

Taking £300 off himsounds ok to me, and possibly the only way to teach him about money! Have you sat down with him to do a monthly budget? Thinking about what his expenses are, what he should save, and what's left for treats/entertainment? Does he have a current account and separate savings account?

ToomanyChristmasPresents · 04/01/2015 09:53

X-post!Smile

ToomanyChristmasPresents · 04/01/2015 09:54

I'd be tempted to offer him 2 different monthly rates. A nice one, if he shows me that he is meeting his savings objectives that month. And a punitive one, if he hasn't, Grin

TheXxed · 04/01/2015 09:55

You still haven't given a breakdown of his expenses. I my gas+electric+water comes up to £110 a month for a 2 bed flat. He is 16 and still your responsibility.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 10:03

He's not even home to use the utilities most of the time?! Could you afford to keep him there if he was at school not working? Which begs another question I'm not even going to ask.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 10:05

He's not even home to use the utilities most of the time?! Could you afford to keep him there if he was at school not working? Which begs another question I'm not even going to ask.

Lucyccfc · 04/01/2015 10:06

What would you be teaching him, if you didn't take any board off him?

If he is working, no matter how old/young he is, he should pay his way. When I earned £45 a week I gave my Mum £15. You should take bord from him, as it teaches him to pay a regular amount each month, which he would do if he had his own place. It's not about you needing or not needing the money, it's about you teaching him about budgeting, the value of money and paying bills on a regular basis.

How about sitting down with him and help him work out a budget for each month? Board, bus fares, phone charges etc and ahow him how much he has to spend each week? The stop bailing him out every month - 16 or 36 he has to learn.

At 16 he should also be doing his own washing, ironing and contributing to looking after the house I.e clean his own room, put the hoover round, wash pots etc. you and your DH are doing him no favours at all in not teaching him to become independant.

In 10 years times a lovely Mumsnetter will be on here moaning that she has a useless DH, who can't cook, won't help round the house and doesn't know how to iron and is shit with money. That will be your son she is talking about. She will also be moaning about her MIL and how she does everything for her son and treats him like a child and bails him out so he will never become an independant adult.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 10:07

And also, why not just tell him to open pension and savings as pp suggested, get him to stick 500 in if you really think he's spending too much as a condition of him being in the house then £100 to you or something token, he's 16, and doing really well for himself! I just can't see it myself so will bow out now Grin

Timetoask · 04/01/2015 10:08

needs to also save a bit each month, hopefully £50+

Hopefully? Op, with one breath you say that he is incapable of managing his money and with the other breath you say he hopefully save £50+?
I will be very honest with you, I don't think your motive is to teach him money management but to enhance your current household budget.

YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 10:08

It is very unfair to imply this is anything to do with DS being DH's stepson or that they have in some way forced him to take on this high paying (for what it is) apprenticeship so that they can "profit" out of him.

OP, I'm going to leave this thread now but good luck.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 04/01/2015 10:10

What does the breakdown of expenses matter? We all know that rent, mortgage, insurance, utilities, maintenance of building, appliances, furnishings, garden, food, travel, etc, etc etc costs a minimum of over £1k pm and often much more, so it is reasonable that all working people in the household contribute, and the rate suggested by the OP is entirely reasonable and still leaves her DS with a lot of personal spending money.

And if the OP had been on a low income, £300 pm would barely cover the loss in CB And CTC, so in some families, they might need the working DC to contribute.

Timetoask · 04/01/2015 10:10

He can setup a standing order of a fixed amount each month for savings.

TheXxed · 04/01/2015 10:11

If he is paying more in 'keep' than he is using then they are profiting.

Ragwort · 04/01/2015 10:13

Well said Lucyccfc - there are 100s of threads on here about lazy partners and 'enabling' MILs - I have a DS and will certainly be charging him 'board and lodgings' if and when he starts earning. Equally he has already been encouraged to open savings accounts, his 'pocket money' (all of £10 a month - he is 14 Grin) goes straight into his bank account. And he is doing chores etc around the house.

Daisy - I think the vast majority of SAHMs (and SAHDs) contribute a huge amount to the running of the household and childcare even if they do not contribute 'financially' Hmm.