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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old and money towards keep

268 replies

Faithope · 03/01/2015 17:39

Hi, so DS has a well paid job for his age-he has a salary of £10,244 a year and last month took home £950. We ask for £300 a month, I do everything for him as in washing his clothes, ironing and putting away and cook his food.
Now my issue is, he has an issue with how much we ask of him to pay. I have broken it down and shown him our outgoings each month and his £300 hardly scratches the surface of what we pay out. I have explained to him that when I was 16 (20 years ago) that I had to pay my mum £250 a month and didn't earn near as much as he does. That's the reason he needs to pay towards his keep is because he is now classed as a working adult and if he was out in the real world, he wouldn't have a penny left after paying rent, bills, food, mobile etc.
He has no idea how to handle money-last month he spent his entire wages in 7 days (all I have seen is a pair of trainers, he got his ear pierced and bought a hoodie) and had not even bought his nan a birthday present. He then asked us to pay his bus fares to work 3x!! I did but told him it was a loan and that he needs to manage his money better next month.
He's been working for 4 months now and each month is the same.
How else can I explain to him that money has to last the month?

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 03/01/2015 22:40

Yet you rely on your DH to pay for you but expect your child to pay their own way. Warped logic somewhat.

Children need food, heat etc. Its not like it comes as a surprise. If the Internet is used by him alone, then let him choose a package to suit but if you use it it's not an extra cost.

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 22:45

Excuse me?? I have worked, providing for my family and am on mat leave. I am not relying on my OH to provide for 'me', he is providing for us all, a family unit. I am not expecting my child to provide for himself otherwise I would be charging a going rate, no food, no bills included and certainly not doing his washing and cooking.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 03/01/2015 22:47

I couldn't take that sort of money off of my child. But I wouldn't allow him to spend it like that either. The deal would be that he puts x into a saving account that requires my signature to get it out again.

If things were very tight without the family benefit then I'd consider asking for that.

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 22:52

Things aren't tight-My OH earns enough to keep his family supported. Child benefit for DS did stop as he is earning. It was £20.50. I was getting £15.50 for the second child. Once DS ad stopped, the higher amount was transfered to the second child. I didn't know that happened but there you go. It's not a case of his dad and I making a few bob from our son. We are trying to teach him some values.

OP posts:
hesterton · 03/01/2015 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2015 · 03/01/2015 23:10

I don't think it's unreasonable although £300 is a lot. I might tell him that he can pay less if he acts as an adult around the house - ie helping with chores.

I'd review things regularly as your DS might start to mature in leaps and bounds once he realises what a twit he is being with his money.

I think it's awkwards at the moment because he is acting both as an adult and a child.

TheXxed · 03/01/2015 23:23

How does that add up to £300. If you were interested in teaching him life lessons sure you would teach him to do his own washing clear away after himself etc.

Instead you charging him a huge amount for his 'keep' heating my 2 bed flat + water + electric comes to 110 a month. You are profiting from your 16 year old.

YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 00:18

If he's "still a child", then £900-ish per month is clearly too much for a child.

HonestLie · 04/01/2015 06:01

I agree with what you are trying to do but think you are expecting a bit much. Depending on how the costs worked out I would maybe take that amount but use some of that money to pay for his bus pass.

I feel like you have exaggerated when you have given his spending timeframe. If he (as you said) had spent everything in 7 days it doesn't make sense that he only asked you to loan him his bus fare 3 times. He clearly Hadley until almost the end of the month.

Making him walk a 6 mile round trip on top of a full day at work to teach him a lesson is pretty grim if you ask me. Especially this time of year when it's freezing cold.

FWIW I lived out of the home at your sons age, and I wouldn't be loaning money for non essentials but I don't view adequate travel to and from work as optional that is essential. What if he was unwell and got sent home, he would need to rely on your or your husband to collect him.

HonestLie · 04/01/2015 06:06

Had money*

MinceSpy · 04/01/2015 06:28

So he has £650 disposable income a month, that's,£20 a day. For £10 a day he get board, lodging and laundry, that's a bargain.

PastPerfect · 04/01/2015 06:39

There is no way I would charge DC rent at 16 - unless I was desperate for the money. There are far better ways of teaching him to be responsible and "self sufficient" if that is genuinely what you are trying to achieve.

buttercupbear · 04/01/2015 06:43

Mean mean mean.£300!!!!! Id get it if you were saving it for him in the future. He's your child fgs! ShockShockShock

Timetoask · 04/01/2015 06:56

He's earning too much! He is still not mature enough to manage that amount of money. I would tell him to save 50% of it, to do a specific list of chores at home, and I would help him setup a budgeting spreadsheet so that he can manage his money (and based on what you say, I would actually sit with him daily to update it for a couple of months) I think that will teach more in the long run than giving you £300

DixieNormas · 04/01/2015 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Timetoask · 04/01/2015 07:17

Op's main concern, based on herbarious posts, is to teach him about money management. She can charge him something but if she really wants him to learn to budget and save for what he wants, taking £300 isn't going to achieve that. He needs to see what the money has bought him for it to sink in.

Timetoask · 04/01/2015 07:17

Oops! .... Based on her posts...

TheFourthLobster · 04/01/2015 07:24

£300 is either fine or profiteering. If you are saving it for him as a deposit then fine, otherwise it's wrong.

Jenijena · 04/01/2015 07:44

I think £300 is fine. Living costs as a third of income is pretty good going. But I would be tempted to reduce the amount and make him do some of his own chores...

hellokittymania · 04/01/2015 08:02

I am amazed at how many parents in the UK charge their own children to live at home...

paddlenorapaddle · 04/01/2015 08:11

I agree with you in principal but because he is taking this all so badly, it seems to have come out of the blue to him. You are using a sledge hammer to crack a walnut

You should start with chores showing him how etc, then you talk to him about money. The money seems to have blinded you to the fact that your relationship with him sounds like it needs work

Money Saving Expert had two boys on it this week itv I think whose mum had saved up for them and when she have them the passbooks they have her them back

Money is an emotional subject for everyone and I think you need a different approach he's not going to just get it

Talk to him instead of telling him, if you want him to behave like an adult treat him like one.

paddlenorapaddle · 04/01/2015 08:13

I put a "should" in there however maybe a if "I were you"is perhaps better

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/01/2015 08:26

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I'd also make saving a condition of living in your home too. So I'd make him do a budget including essentials, travel, phone etc. Then take what is left and split it 3 ways, save one, hand one to you and spend one. And if he didn't like it he could go and live with his friend.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 04/01/2015 08:43

Providing he is able bodied, walking 3 miles each way if he has no money left for bus fairs is no hardship or ridiculous expectation either. It should take less than an hour or he could cycle it much quicker if he has a bike. He should be helping out at home too in any case.

Allowing him to spend all his money on his own luxuries, and not making any contribution to the running of the household risks turning him into the sort of lazy entitled manchild that often gets complained about on here. I don't see why people are criticising the OP for quite reasonably trying to educate her DS in the realities of adult life.

Original poster
Faithope · 04/01/2015 08:51

I have not exaggerated at all, that he has spent all his wages in a week-I rightly or wrongly opened up his bank statement. One day he withdrew £100, the next £50, the following day another £100. He has nothing new in his room to show for it. For example-he bought DH a £8 FCUK set for christmas, not thought in it, as I was with him when he bought it and he even refused to wrap it. I asked what he bought his other grandparents and he said they never told me what they wanted so I didn't get them anything. Yet his money has gone in a flash. Wouldn't you be worried??
As a worker-regardless of being a 'child' or an adult, he is earning and should realise that life is full of bills, rent, food bill etc. If I left him to spend £950 a month on crap then I am failing as a parent. The fact that he earns well, this should be celebrated. He had to go through a gruelling interview process, lasting 3 hours for one of them. that is a huge ask for a 16 year old but he did as he is mature young man who knows what he wants in life.

As for the bus fare thing-He has to get a bus to work two days a week, the rest of the time its a 20 minute walk. He works in 3 different places in the city. He is fitness fanatic who has one of those nike wrist band things that calculates how much you walk etc and has stated he would rather walk than bus it. Again this is a good choice of his to make, except the two days where he works 3 miles away and has to get two buses to get there. Of course I wouldn't make him walk but I also need to make him realise that we aren't there to give him bus fare when he earns plenty to get a damn bus! Neither my DH or I drive so no picking him up.

OP posts:
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