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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old and money towards keep

268 replies

Faithope · 03/01/2015 17:39

Hi, so DS has a well paid job for his age-he has a salary of £10,244 a year and last month took home £950. We ask for £300 a month, I do everything for him as in washing his clothes, ironing and putting away and cook his food.
Now my issue is, he has an issue with how much we ask of him to pay. I have broken it down and shown him our outgoings each month and his £300 hardly scratches the surface of what we pay out. I have explained to him that when I was 16 (20 years ago) that I had to pay my mum £250 a month and didn't earn near as much as he does. That's the reason he needs to pay towards his keep is because he is now classed as a working adult and if he was out in the real world, he wouldn't have a penny left after paying rent, bills, food, mobile etc.
He has no idea how to handle money-last month he spent his entire wages in 7 days (all I have seen is a pair of trainers, he got his ear pierced and bought a hoodie) and had not even bought his nan a birthday present. He then asked us to pay his bus fares to work 3x!! I did but told him it was a loan and that he needs to manage his money better next month.
He's been working for 4 months now and each month is the same.
How else can I explain to him that money has to last the month?

OP posts:
florentina1 · 03/01/2015 18:39

It is not too much. It is only £70 a week. This covers food personal grooming bills etc. plus a personal maid service. I would break down the household bills so that he can see where the money goes.I expect he is not paying tax at present, so his wage might go down soon. I think that teenagers cannot learn the realities of the world too soon.

Haffdonga · 03/01/2015 18:43

You can leave school at 16 as long as the employment you enter has an element of training included. The definition of 'training' tends to vary.

321zerobaby · 03/01/2015 18:44

As skiing says, I would take the money, and save it for him as a deposit for when he eventually moves out.

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 18:45

Sorry to take so long to reply. He is doing a Business Administartion Apprenticeship, two years, until he is 18. The way he is going, they have told him that he has a bright future in the 'Job' He is training while earning. He is doing HVQ's and team leading youth clubs.
I haven't had chance to read through all the replies-I will do but at the mo I am feeding the baby. We live in Oxford and the going rate for just a room here is a hell of a lot more than we are asking him to contribute. I have asked him if he would like me to help him by giving him a bit each week and then he gets to save (he declined). He wants to do a lot of things like learn to drive and go out on adventure trips but as his money is flowing away as fast as water, he won't get to do those things. I have written a break down of how much he has to spend, how much that is a week and yet he still spends it in 7 days.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 03/01/2015 18:47

I mean in England.

Rules for each country here:

www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

LynetteScavo · 03/01/2015 18:50

No way would I be loaning him bus fares. If he's spent his money, he's spent his money. He needs to learn the hard way.

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 18:51

We already use our own money and put that in a savings account so he doesn't have to. He has quite an amount already but he won't get it until at least 18. I wasn't helped get on the property ladder-I was paying my way at home and partied, bought clothes and had no savings. That's why I am trying my hardest to make him see that the small amount of £300 is cheap compared to the harsh realities of life. If he wants to save then that comes after paying the keep (the same that any of us have to save)
I am currently not working as I had a baby 12 months ago and am expecting again, OH works 60 hour weeks to keep us afloat.

OP posts:
RyanAirVeteran · 03/01/2015 18:52

My parents used to take a third, make me save a third and let me waste a third.

HappyYoni · 03/01/2015 19:00

I used to pay £200 a month at that age, 20 years ago. Although some of my friends thought my parents were tight coz they were allowed to live rent free in the end I think it did me a lot of good, taught me about taking responsibility and budgeting. My parents always said that they'd support me if I was in full time education but once I decided to work full time I could pay my way. Seems fair enough to me.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 03/01/2015 19:01

That sounds very fair RyanAir.

It is bonkers for him to expect to have close to a grand a month to just spend on fun stuff, and even more crazy that he can't even manage to pay his bus fairs. How exactly does he plan to pay for driving lessons and run a car? In any case, I would advise against him having his own car unless it is absolutely necessary for work due to the extortionate cost of insurance.

Even by your formula, he still has far more disposable income than most adults who run a household.

ivykaty44 · 03/01/2015 19:03

Paying parents "keep" is always contentious on Mon

Some think you shouldn't take any money at all and if you do you are bring mean, others think you should save up rent secretly and hand it all over when they leave home.

Others don't realise that when DC goes to work they need to contribute to the household as money is tight in the household and their is a genuine need

SoonToBeSix · 03/01/2015 19:44

Haff no I said a job without education was illegal not an apprenticeship.

SoonToBeSix · 03/01/2015 19:49

Op if your ds was 18 I would agree with you but he is a child. Therefore he is a dependent and shouldn't be paying that much keep. The actual costs of his food etc are fair enough but no more.
Your last post makes it sound like you want your ds to support you as you aren't earning and your dp works long hours. That is irrelevant to your child's income it is not his responsibility.

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 20:17

soontobesix-I was working and was on mat leave up until last month. We don't depend on DS money at all. We chose to have the babies as we can afford them but obviously it helps that he contributes. He is working full time and earns more than I did. He needs to learn that life isn't free and things are given to you on a plate- you have to work and save for things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 20:17

Things AREN'T given on a plate that should say

OP posts:
WestEast · 03/01/2015 20:20

When I was 16 (13 years ago) my mum got half my wages so I don't think you're being unfair at all. He's a wage earning member of the household and should contribute to it's running.

peppapigonaloop · 03/01/2015 20:23

Presumably if he had stayed in school rather than working you would have been able to afford to keep him?
If so I think you are being a bit mean taking so much as board, however I would be doing as others have said and keeping it for him as a savings, perhaps to be given when he manages to save for himself for a while as well..

Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 20:30

Thank you-I am not even taking half, so I think OH and I are being fair. OH has told me that if he doesn't have money for bus fares this month we are not loaning him until next pay day. He will have to walk the 3 miles to work..

He even had the cheek to say to me the other day that if I didn't ask that much from him, he wouldn't run out of money-just goes to show he doesn't have a clue about money. I wrote down every single outgoing we have ie water, gas, electric, broadband and so on, he just glanced at it then threw it to one side.

I worry that this generation have the pay day loan thing going on and he will be the kind of person to fall that way. I watched my mum get into terrible debt, she even used me at 18 to buy a sofa on my credit card then didn't pay the payments and I had bailiffs after me!! There was no way I was following my mums attitude to money. My motto is 'if you haven't got the money to pay for it, you can't have it' end of. I am trying to teach DS this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithope · 03/01/2015 20:36

If he stayed in school or college then he would have had to get a weekend job and use that to get to college (bus fares etc). Of course I wouldn't have asked him to pay then. But he isn't in education, so he is paying his way. It's not so much the money-it's the principal, the life lesson that he would have to learn either at 16 or at 18. As I said, if I saved that £300 and he was wasting the rest of his wages, he is in a win win situation, surely to learn about money is for him to see that if you waste it, it doesn't come back magically?? He knows we already save a bit for him each month. As an earning member of our family, why shouldn't he be saving himself? No one gave me savings when I was younger-I had to earn and get on with it.

OP posts:
YonicSleighdriver · 03/01/2015 20:40

YANBU.

He should be doing some chores though regardless. You could consider discounting his rate if he eg cooks two family meals a week or whatever.

Bartlebee · 03/01/2015 20:42

I would encourage him to pay for his own expenses - phone, clothes, transport & to save a good proportion of it but there's no way I could charge rent from a 16 year old.

MrsTawdry · 03/01/2015 20:43

Why is it too much? Why are people so keen to cosset children (who are actually young adults) until they're totally helpless!

The boy has no outgoings at all! He has what sounds like around 600 per month after he's paid his Mum....that's ample for a boy his age to have a good time and to save a bit too.

I paid money towards my keep from 16 too and it did me no harm at all! The rest was for clothes and going out etc.

MrsTawdry · 03/01/2015 20:44

OP tell him to get a bus pass. Check he's done it when he gets paid. It's the only way to ensure that his fares are paid.

adiposegirl · 03/01/2015 20:45

laughing out loud at the 'illegal' comments

To the OP, well done you for installing some old fashioned values in your child, you are placing them in good financial sted for their future.

Furnish said child with a pen and notebook, first page entitled 'budget Feb 2015' Make them keep a record of all spending. Then help then analyse and prioritize essential and non essential spending and the importance of saving some.

I would sub them for this only.

Good luck

adiposegirl · 03/01/2015 20:46

I would sub them for this month only

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