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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old and money towards keep

268 replies

Faithope · 03/01/2015 17:39

Hi, so DS has a well paid job for his age-he has a salary of £10,244 a year and last month took home £950. We ask for £300 a month, I do everything for him as in washing his clothes, ironing and putting away and cook his food.
Now my issue is, he has an issue with how much we ask of him to pay. I have broken it down and shown him our outgoings each month and his £300 hardly scratches the surface of what we pay out. I have explained to him that when I was 16 (20 years ago) that I had to pay my mum £250 a month and didn't earn near as much as he does. That's the reason he needs to pay towards his keep is because he is now classed as a working adult and if he was out in the real world, he wouldn't have a penny left after paying rent, bills, food, mobile etc.
He has no idea how to handle money-last month he spent his entire wages in 7 days (all I have seen is a pair of trainers, he got his ear pierced and bought a hoodie) and had not even bought his nan a birthday present. He then asked us to pay his bus fares to work 3x!! I did but told him it was a loan and that he needs to manage his money better next month.
He's been working for 4 months now and each month is the same.
How else can I explain to him that money has to last the month?

OP posts:
mewkins · 05/01/2015 23:01

The teaching about money though is tricky... I think it's in a person's nature to be a spender or a saver, partially shaped by childhood. Eg my dsis and I were brought up exactly the same by a very money savvy dm. I am a saver, my sister doesn't get money at all. She is just not interested and hasn't saved a penny in her life. So it is definitely harder work with some than others. I guess we all just aim to teach their dcs the value of money and how to get by in the adult world.

nc2015 · 06/01/2015 00:58

Nc - it isn't just for rent though - it's rent, utilities, food, laundry and cleaning. Be very surprised if he could get all that for £300 elsewhere.

Perhaps not but he could get a flatshare for £250/mo, say £50 in utilities, £150 for food, another £100 for travel and eh'd still have about £300 a month left for other stuff, which is the way i'd be thinking about it if i were him - b/c he's being asked to pay a lot of cash towards what most teens have provided for them until theyre 18. i'd be taking acut in disposable income to put my hardearned money towards full independence.

YonicSleighdriver · 06/01/2015 07:14

I think that's a bad comparison as most 16year olds just don't have the capacity to pay, which is why most don't pay. If I had two 21 year old children at home, one working and one on JSA, of course I would take more £ from the working one as he/she would have more ability to pay .

If he wishes to get full cost and full independence, of course he could move out.

Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 07:24

As I have stated on the thread-In oxford there is no way he would get a flat share for £250! Plus his usual wage is £758 a month, last months was £950 as he had all the pension money he had taken from his wages, paid back to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 07:29

I don't think 'most teens' is a correct term to use, ds is not the only 16 year old working, that's like saying most teens go to uni, they don't. It was the norm for 15/16 year olds to go to work when I left school at 16. I guess different backgrounds have different expectations. We are not a family of college/uni goer's, we are worker's. Whether 16 or 18. we had to pay our way. Both myself and my sister have worked since we were 16 and that's when we had to start paying our way. We didn't have two year's grace because we were 16, we were treated like adults because we were in the real world of earning and working for a living.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 06/01/2015 08:47

I think that this thread may have surprised some posters in that it has shown that there is another way for 16 year olds. It isnt a choice of either A levels then Uni or a life time of hod carrying. There are apprenticeships out there which give a good wage.

Now the hard thing to learn at 16 is that £758/month may seem like a fortune at 16 but it isnt a living wage. Getting into a frittering habit at 16 when mum will still make sure that there is food on the table and clean clothes to be worn may be a hard habit to break at 18.

I will be sitting down with my 16 year old DS just as I sat down with my 18 year old DD to go through the money they will have and just how far it will or wont go.

This thread has been useful for me as it has reminded me that the conversation with my DS must take place sooner rather than later.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 06/01/2015 08:56

Yes, re University and how its not necessarily the right choice for everyone, and how not going is sometimes a good thing. I was going to say something about this earlier in the thread.

When the OP's DS is 21, he is going to have 5 years experience in his trade and hopefully be established in a good well paid job while his peers that have been to university will probably at the beginning of job hunting with 40-50k of student debt and it will sometimes take a very long time for them to catch up financially and careerwise, and some will never catch up.

I know someone who started as an apprentice truck mechanic at 16 and he is now in a managerial position in his late 20s, loves his work and appears to be very well paid and respected in his field.

Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 10:03

Thanks ladies and I am glad it has been of use. I also have had a teen lesson :) I broached the subject last night and was quite surprised that DS said yes to our new set up and he even looked like he was listening lol So the next step is to sit down and go through his expenditure and find out where all this money is going. He has had 4 months 'grace' to waste it. Now is the time to knuckle down and be mature about the financial side to his job. He left for work at 6.20am this morning as he has to start at 7.30am to go and collect all those real Christmas trees and mulch them (is that the correct term??) :) He didn't grumble and in fact said he was looking forward to being out and about today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 10:10

And to just clarify-DS is learning will earning. He has a tutor that goes to his main office on a wednesday and she does NVQ level 3 Business Administration with them. So he is studying AND grafting. A lot to take on at 16 but he's doing and it and good for him!

OP posts:
ChillySundays · 06/01/2015 13:24

Hope all goes well OP

Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 17:04

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
smileyforest · 06/01/2015 17:42

Yes..good for you Faithhope, A'Levels, uni is not for all, I worked from 16y, always paid my way, gained all my qualifications whilst working too, my adult children done the same, my teen boys doing A'levels...takes all sorts ...good luck to you and your son x

RCheshire · 06/01/2015 18:22

Most of the thread hasn't been about your original question but about whether it's right or wrong to ask for a contribution - and if so, how much. I agree with the balance of the responses - I certainly contributed once I was that age.

The problem nowadays with encouraging saving is that interest rates are so low. It was much easier when rates were higher and people could see a reason to save. Regardless, find a decent website to show him the effect of compound interest over the course of five or ten years (and assume IRs go up eventually). The examples will show how much a relatively small regular saving will grow over time.
Maybe consider offering an incentive if you can afford it - eg one you've saved 1k well add 200 and so on, just to get him going. If he has 6 months of seeing a saving account substantially grow he will probably start to enjoy seeing that and not want it to go back to zero

Original poster
Faithope · 06/01/2015 20:50

Yes my actual question seemed to have got lost in peoples own views on what I am asking DS to contribute.

One thing I did miss and has really pissed me off is the 'he's not DH's son so that's why he is being charged so much' WTF?? some people really need to take a close look at themselves. That comment is highly offensive and has no baring on what DS is being asked for. Considering my DH took my DS on at age 4, when his own birth father ran a mile when I found out I was pregnant. DH has provided and continues to provide for DS and ADOPTED him in the courts. So DH IS DS's FATHER!!

Anyway now that is off my chest, thank you for the positive post's, there are some kind, understanding people out there Smile

OP posts:
Lucked · 06/01/2015 21:16

I agree with the pp who said that if your DS got comfortable on that amount of disposable income then he would run into trouble when living on his own. I am torn on this issue but couldn't let a 16 year old have that sort of money when their peers working just as hard in education are penniless.

I would save the money but our household income is higher than yours.

I think your DH is right in making him walk, 3 miles is very doable but the cold weather may focus his mind. Perhaps a to do list may help him, he needs to get organised.

RCheshire · 06/01/2015 21:19

Read the full thread, saw that comment about him being a step father, and mentally shook my head - some people are just out to provoke.

I don't relate to the 'profiteering' perspective. It's called 'contributing'.

Alibalibumblebee · 07/01/2015 08:31

I dont understand but couldn't let a 16 year old have that sort of money when their peers working just as hard in education are penniless.

The lad is working and entitled to a wage.

Original poster
Faithope · 07/01/2015 09:07

Yes if I was profiteering then my savings account would be looking healthier but that money he pays is going to the household, for him.

Also DS is working 'just as hard' in education-as I have mentioned more than once is he is learning, he is studying an NVQ while also grafting. He is going out to work so is earning. So if those in full time education over the age of 16 want cash, they should get a weekend job, like I did when I was 16! They wouldn't have the same money that DS is earning but at least they would have their own money, not relying on the bank of mum and dad/just mum/just dad.

OP posts:
ToomanyChristmasPresents · 07/01/2015 09:15

Yes, I hope my girls will go down an academic route. But we live in area with shops and businesses within easy walking distance. I've already pointed out places they might try for a Saturday job when they are old enough. I think all these small steps are really important for preparing kids for adult life.

Original poster
Faithope · 07/01/2015 10:15

They really are important. My mum made it clear that we started with a paper round (I hated it but loved the £11 at the end of it) and then the shoe shop saturday job, which both myself and my sister did. I then went on to getting a full time job at the shoe shop when college, I found, wasn't for me after sticking at it for 4 months. I worked my way up to supervisor then after 4 yrs, found myself pregnant. Was a full time single mum for 7 years until DS was settled in school (the first two years he was in and out of hospital with visual impairment). I worked part time. Met DH, was made redundant the week he moved in. We survived on his £99 a month wage. I then got a job as TA, which lasted until Decmeber last year, because of the surprise baby. I am trying to instil the same work values into my DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithope · 07/01/2015 10:18

Not £99 a month, £900!

OP posts:
ChillySundays · 07/01/2015 13:50

Both mine started off with paper rounds at 14

JohnQuig · 08/01/2015 12:44

Far too much in my opinion (1/3 of his wages?!)

When I was paying board (not doing now because I'm saving up to move out) I just paid for food, which came to about £175 a month. I sorted out my own transport though.

JohnQuig · 08/01/2015 12:44

Oh, and I was vastly over-estimating how much food came to as well, I just didn't feel comfortable paying less than that (even though my parents didn't want to accept it!)

ChillySundays · 08/01/2015 13:42

I paid my mum over 30 years ago what my daughter is paying me now!!

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