Im 18, have fallen pregnant. I dont know what the right decision is, can anyone help?

[lucyw19]

I 18, i dont know what to do, HELP!!!

hiya lucy how you feeling today? have you got any closer to getting your head straight on what you think you want?

I have decided yeah, it was hard but i think/hope ive made the right decision.

Still feels weird.

Im very grateful for all the advice though.

whatever you've decided good luck.if you're sure you've made the right decision for you then dont let anyone talk you out of it or make you feel guilty because its not the decision they would've made.

GOOD LUCK for the future

Hi Lucy, have you told your mum yet???
If so, what did she say??
Are you going to share your decision with everyone??
Hope you're ok with whatever you decide to do.
Take care. xx

No i still havent told my mum, shes not back from holiday untill tomorrow!!

I had decided but i dont know again now =/

x

lucy you may start to feel better about your descion when you speak to your mum tommorow

My mum guessed through a txt message and she said we'll talk about it when she comes home. She sounded okay, but she's far away and i wish she hadnt guessed.

Watch this space.

Good luck.

Good Luck xXx ((hugs))

Hi Lucy, I was a parent at 15years old, my mum and dad were not please. My dad kicked out of his house and l was left homeless.

I had no formal education and now have 2 degreess and a lovely 14year old, its hard dont get me wrong but you will get through it.

My son's dad was never around up until this day, but life still goes on.

I have a very strong bond with my parents again, nothing is impossible.

I also have a good job and have a mortgage, l drive a lovely car too, so if l can do it you can too!

Good Luck! xx

How nice of Diva75 to share her story with you.

Things usually work themselves out in the end Lucy.

You'll be surprised as well, just how many people will give you baby things that they no longer need. (if you keep it, that is!!!)

Good Luck with your mum, hope it all turns out ok.

When my sister was 15 and announced she was pregnant, my parents were shocked, hurt and upset, but they stuck by her.

You may be surprised by your mums reaction.

If shes already guessed, then at least she'll have had a bit of time to think things over.

Lucy, i got accidently pregnant and had my son at 24. I had been with my boyf for a couple of years so i can understand where you are coming from. I too, am a cnstant procrastinator (typical gemini!) nevr making my mind up, hating to close doors or not keep options open! unfortunately having a baby is an all or nothing, you either do or don't which is why its such a hard hard decision! In the end i couldn't make a decsion and in this circumstance not making a decision means having a baby! my son is the greatest thing that ever happened to me! It did put an enormous strain on my relationship, being pregnant and having a young crying baby with housing worries etc! I had no idea hwre i was going career wise before my son and i still have no idea now! He's 2 now, i'm in a flat with temporary housing so its not financially viable for me to work at the moment but i love spending my days with him even though of course it often drives me insane too! None of my friends have had kids yet and that has been hard but also in some ways nice as my son gets all the fussing. In the beginning friends/family all seemed too scared of babysitting for me but it is getting easier as he gets older to have more time to myself and to see friends alone etc. I'm a firm believer in everything working out for the best in the end and everything hapening for a reason. Consider how you'd feel if you didn't go ahead and see how that affects you. I had a termination when i was 19, for years i looked back on it with 'what ifs' especially as the father was my first great love who i went on to split up with a couple of years later. But after meeting my next boyfriend (my sons dad) and all the great experiences i had in the following childless years i can see that it wasn't the right time for me then, so yes i still sometimes think back on my termination but it didn't ruin my life. (hope that doesn't sound flippant, am aware that some people do have difficulties coming to terms with after abortions)
sorry this was so long. hope it helps somehow! lucy xx.

I was told at 18 that it was 'highly unlikely' that I would ever conceive. It was the worst day of my life (at that time!) because there were only 2 things I ever wanted from my life: 1. to have a family and 2. to go to university.

I was with my partner from 16-19 and we had talked about children. Right through our relationship, we never used contraception as the chances of me falling pregnant were slim.

I was with my new partner 4 months when I did become pregnant. It was a massive shock, but the best news ever and now, 2.6 years down the line, I am so pleased dd is here. She really is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I am here (history of depression etc).

I found out I was pregnant again when my dd was only 8 months old. She was not an 'easy' baby. She suffered from terrible reflux which resulted in her turning blue and being rushed to hospital several times a week, she refused to sleep through the night until she was 18 months old. I couldn't face the thought of another child like her, so did contemplate a termination. My partner really didn't want to keep the baby and we fell out badly over our conflicting feelings.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we finally decided we would go for it. I was shocked to conceive the first time, let alone the second! Just as we announced our news, I miscarried at 7 weeks. I was absolutely devestated.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, it's your decision at the end of the day. Talking to your partner is the best thing you can do, but you have to make him aware of your feelings - your excitement, your reservations, your fears.Just because you become a mother, doesn't mean to say that your life has to end. There are still all the things you want to do, but maybe at a later stage.

I was fortunate in that I could bring dd to work with me, so I started my nursery nurse training when she was 3 months old, finished last year and I'm off to university next month to do my degree. It is hard work, but it is the most rewarding, fantastic job in all the world.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Thank you for all ur advice, it helps a lot!
My mum is coming back today, she sent me a few messages last night and i know what she wnats me to do, its hard making the decision, so hard!

But i have to decide, ill let you all know how it goes.

Last night, my sister decided she wnated me to keep the baby. Silly girl!

hope you got on okay with your mum.hope speaking to her has cleared your mind abit and helped you come to a decision you're sure about.good luck

How did things go with your mum when she got home??????

How old is your sister that wants you to keep the baby?

You sounded like she was wrong to want you to do that!!

I always remember a girl i used to work with who had a son, then a few weeks after he was born she got pregnant again!!!!!

Her initial reaction was that no way could she have a second baby so soon after the first!!!!

She said that would mean having two children under a year old.

Lots of peoples advice was to have a termination, as she could always try again later.

We had a chat and she said she'd love to have a girl.

I said what if you're already carrying a girl and you're now prepared to get rid of her?

What if you never get that chance again???

To cut a long story short, she kept the baby, and yes it was the daughter she wanted.

Every time i bump into her she still thanks me for the chat we had, and always tells me how grateful she is to me for saving her daughters life.

If you do have a termination, think carefully before you do it as there's no second chance for that baby.

Make sure you choose what you really think is right.

lucyw19

how did it go? are you still on here?

you dont have to let us know your decision.just let us know that you're ok with whatever you've decided.

hello everyone,

it was soo nice to tlk to my mum about things, i know she wants me to have a termination btu she said she cant make my decision and that she hates the thought of abortion but shes trying to think realistically.

This saturday i went shopping and started bleeding, and spent last night in hospital, apparently everyhtings okay but i have to go back for a scan on monday. So im going to see my baby, my bf is coming with me, we are slightly excited but things are difficult.

My dad just came round and hes really not sympathetic at all, i cant talk to him about it at all just makes me upset, i know hes right in one way but he dosent think about me or my partners feelings...

so, i am still here =]

wb x

Do what is right for you lucy.

Just out of interest, how old was your mum when she had you???

How did it make you feel thinking that you might be losing your baby.

Wonder how you'll feel at scan tomorrow??

Sorry that you have had bleeding, hope you make the right decision for you it is not up to your parents or your bf it is up to you what you want to do . it is your body

either way I hope you are okay, and that the scan goes well

Also I had my ds at 23 and had no real education.
Now I am in 4th year honours at uni and am still with dh from when I was 18yrs old. sometimes it works out okay

i really hope that the scan goes well and everything is fine with the baby.if it paniced you whe you bled then surely thats a sign that deep inside you want this child.let us know how the scan goes.i wish you al the best.by the way you probably wont see alot on the scan as it will be tiny so dont panic if you cant see anything except a circle! ask them to show you where it is if everything goes well.good luck

helo everyone,

I had the scan and it was a bit of a weird feeling, i saw the heartbeat which was really weird .. but nice at the same time.

I was feeling okay, emotional but okay when i got home, then some girls that i saw on saturday and are supposed to be my friends told some girl i was tlkin about her , and shes just had a go at me.
I no this is nothing to do with the pregnancy, but i just feel like i want to curl up and die.

tbh i dont have a lot of friends mainly because i left school, and you go different places and two ive neve rhad a huge unit of friends anyway, these two were the one si thought i could trust.

now i just feel let down and like i have no one...

I just want to feel stable for this baby and if im not in my mind i feel owrse about things.

wb x

poor you Lucy - perhaps preg hormones are making you feel worse about things? Hope you can sort things out with your friends. It sounds as though you have decided to keep your baby? Do you feel better having made a decision? How are things with your Mum?

It must be hard going thrugh this without the support of your friends so I hope your Mum is supporting you. You will find you will meet lots of people through baby groups etc if you get involved, and you will probably have much more in common with other Mums anyway. I'm not saying it dosn't matter that your old friends are being mean though - that is pants.

Hi Lucy, I had my first at 19, was really undecided, but then thought, well, I DON'T want a termination, so at least i know what i don't want, I'll go with that. Now have three children, still with same partner (not married, don't like the wife word!), am at Uni doing a degree I never knew I wanted to do, and would never have had the experience and maturity to do if I had gone to Uni at 18 as intended. There is nothing like a gorgeous grandchild for bringing parents round! Why not think about moving out of area? If you don't like it, matbe a new start will be good? Rebeka27 xx

Things just seem up and down.

Well i hadnt decided to keep it, but since the weekend and the scan i dont really wnat to get rid of it.

My mum wants me to, so i wnat to move out so we dont argue. Cos i really love her, =]!

She said to one of my older friends ' i told lucy i wouldnt support her, but of course i will'

I dont think she means be thier i think for money wise.

It will be ncie to meet other pregnant women, just to see how they feel.

Meh... i just dont no how to think anymore.

wb