Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Im 18, have fallen pregnant. I dont know what the right decision is, can anyone help?

265 replies

lucyw19 · 17/09/2006 15:00

I 18, i dont know what to do, HELP!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyw19 · 17/09/2006 18:34

yeah i will do form now on, its nice to get all this support!!!

I may go to them =]

My partners coming over tonight so ill talk to him about everything.

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 17/09/2006 18:50

hi, ive only just seen this thread.
i was 18 when i had my daughter, i gave birth to her 2 weeks after i took my last a-level..
my mother was shocked, horrified, when i told her, its not what you plan for your daughter, but when my dd was born, my mum fell in love with her, all the family doted on her, my education didnt stop, itmerely went on hold, i fell pregnant again at 21 and my partner left me, but when my ds was 10 months old, i enrolled on an access to nursing course, which i managed to get funding for from a local charity who helped people under 25 get an education, they funded my childcare etc, when my ds was older i met a new partner and with his help managed to train as a nurse.
im not going to deny that life was tough for a long time, but i made the decision that was right for me.
you need some counselling to weigh up the pros and cons, but if you choose to continue with the pregnancy, you will manage and it wont kill your mum.
btw im 34 now, dd is 15.

SpaceCadet · 17/09/2006 18:53

btw, i did pass my a-levels!
i chose to do the access course as i felt it would be a gentle introduction to studying when i was out of practice!

Original poster
lucyw19 · 17/09/2006 18:54

space cadet, thanku for ur adivce =]

i wouldnt be AS worried if i had a levels or a bit more education.

But form what ppl are saying u can go bk into education and get a lot of help. Which is a lot of reassurance.

Its just im not in control of things at the moment.

wb

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 17/09/2006 19:07

you can always go back, if you want to go into midwiferey, you dont need a-levels for the diploma, just 5 gcses, 2 of which should be maths and english, you can always defer going to college for a few years then do your course and you will still be only in your early 20's.

Original poster
lucyw19 · 17/09/2006 19:19

yeah, i just always think for right now, not later on.

thanku very much for ur support!

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 18/09/2006 11:39

SpaceCadet - I'll be doing the 3yr Diploma course for nursing but I DO need to have either a-levels or access, My 9 high grade GCSEs are not enough. The entry req depends on the college/Uni.

Mellowma · 18/09/2006 12:18

Message withdrawn

fussymummy · 18/09/2006 13:44

lucy Don't worry about your age, your smart, as you're asking peoples advice.
Sounds to me like you really want to keep this baby, but it's as if you need aproval first.

Think of yourself on this.

You said in one post that this baby will change your life, well it'll do that no matter what age you are.

One of my sisters had her first baby a few days after her 16th birthday.

Mum and Dad were shocked/hurt/upset etc. but they supported her through everything.

She didn't have support from a partner as he disappeared.
No great loss though.

She then met someone else and got married andhad another baby by the time she was your age.

That was over 30 years ago that she had her first and she has no regrets.

I do know people who've had terminations for what they thought were the right reasons and still regret it many years later.

Always wondering what the baby would've been like, would it have been boy or girl etc., etc.

I'm sure your local council will be able to help you with somewhere to live.

Fill out the form they gave you and get it back to them.

Some areas won't house you until baby is born, it depends on where you live.

Keep in touch with everyone on here, as there will always be lots of good advice.

Original poster
lucyw19 · 18/09/2006 13:50

Thank you for ur latest advice,

im having dobts today, its really hard.

Me and my bf argued last ngiht about it, and i juts wnat to cry!!!

i have no idea what to do...

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyw19 · 18/09/2006 13:50

Thank you for ur latest advice,

im having dobts today, its really hard.

Me and my bf argued last ngiht about it, and i juts wnat to cry!!!

i have no idea what to do...

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyw19 · 18/09/2006 13:51

Thank you for ur latest advice,

im having dobts today, its really hard.

Me and my bf argued last ngiht about it, and i juts wnat to cry!!!

i have no idea what to do...

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 18/09/2006 13:58

really NDP?? i am surprised..the college of health studies in the area i was in before only required gcses.
at that college you only needed a-levels as well if you were planning on doing the nursing DEGREE.
lucy, find out what the entry criteria is for your local college then you will know what you have to do in order to get onto your course.
a-levels can always be done as an evening course or you could do the access course.
theres also the option of working in a maternity unit and gaining your nvq's once you are at level 3, you can apply for secondment where the hospital will pasy your wage while you complete your study to become qualified.

lulumama · 18/09/2006 14:09

Lucy- sorry if this repeats anything, but DD will be waking up any mo!! first of all (((((((hugs)))))) - noticed you saying having baby might help you feel complete / sort out what to do with your life - might not be the case - you could end up feeling trapped and frustrated, you need to be fulfilled and feel whole as a person, which i know is easier said than done. Find out if the place you want to do midwifery has child care or creche facilities. If you tell parents you are pregnant and keeping baby - but can show them a well though out plan that shows you won't be 'ruining' your life - might help them be more accepting. Very often, our parents surprise us and their reactions are not what was expected. still early days, so don't rush into a decision either way - will be support here and lots of other places whatever you decide. If you have the baby - will be at school when you are 23 -24 so lots of time for you to do your thing if can't do course right now xxx contact sure start/homestart etc in your area if you have one .xxx

Quootiepie · 18/09/2006 14:11

Hiya - I had my DS at 19. i had an abortion at 18. I would never wish that upon anyone, honestly. you need to be more than 100% sure. We are all here to help, my email is [email protected] if you want to talk about anything.

Quootiepie · 18/09/2006 14:14

Just want to add alot of colleges will offer childcare etc. if thats what your worried about - havent read the thread yet but thought id just say.

FoghornLeghorn · 18/09/2006 14:26

Lucy, I fell pregnant at the age of 19 with DD and that was after nearly a year of trying to concieve her, I also owed my own home, had a partner of 3 years, had a good job etc but when it came to telling my parents I was absolutely mortified. We drove around there to tell them and i was physically shaking and sobbing, my parents thought we had had a car crash I was in that much of a state - anyway, I evertually managed to get the words out and the nearly catapaulted me through the lounge window they were that pleased.

What I am trying to say is that they may not react how you think they will, mine certainly proved me wrong.

Money is a hige worry for anyone, because no matter how much or how little of it you have a big chuck of that is going to be taken away for a new baby - its a daunting thought but its just soemthing you deal with, people always manage somehow. I am a firm believer there is never a right time to have children and if you waited for the right time you would quite likely not end up having them.

Good luck in whatever you decide - it is your choice completely.

FoghornLeghorn · 18/09/2006 14:29

God, what appauling typing

NomDePlume · 18/09/2006 14:44

Spacey (sorry for the blatant hijack Lucy). Smurfgirl said the same as you about the diploma so I spoke to the Head of Faculty and the course co-ordinator about the admission rules and was told that it may be the case in other Uni's (such as Smurfy's in Hull), but it is deffo not the case at my chosen Uni . Hence why I'm to spend the next 2 years in college being patronised.....

maryfairy · 18/09/2006 15:07

lucy, having had a quick read through your thread, I get the impression that you really do want this baby but you're afraid of letting your parents down. You HAVE to talk to your parents asap. You never know, they may be fine. Or, they might be angry and disappointed but will come around later. I think once you come to terms with your decision you will feel much better. Of course, if I have got this all wrong and you really think you'd be better off having an abortion, then that's fine too. But I really think, from the things you've seaid, that in your heart that you would regret that decision. 9 months is quite a long time, in that time you can sort out your living arragements, your relationship and your future plans. Right now, you need to think about whether to keep your baby as you're putting yourself through a lot of stress. Talk to your parents today, see what happens.

SpaceCadet · 18/09/2006 16:07

oh no NDP..how frustrating.

SecondhandRose · 18/09/2006 16:33

Hi Lucy, I think I may be the only person that is going to say this but I wouldn't have the baby if I was in your position. Please have a think about your life and the next 18 years because there will be two of you to think about for everything you do. It's hard work and it's still hard work when you are married and have money to spend.

Talk to your Mum if you can.

mumandlovingit · 18/09/2006 17:40

havent read every message but you sound like you already know what you want to do when you talk about the housing situation.not sure what advice you've had but in general, if you go onto income support on your own with the baby you will get income support, currently at £57.45 a week for you and tax credits of £54.88 and child benefit of £17.45.thats what ive looked up on internet for you.housing will ay your rent for you whether you rent private or council and they'd normally let you have a two bedroom place with a child as far as i know.your council tax would also be paid for.if you worked then you would have to pay some of your rent but you would be better off each week than on income support and people at the jobcentre would sdo a calculation for you to make sure of that.you'd also get what used to be called milk tokens so you can get baby milk each week for the baby or food etc if you weren't working.its entirely your decision ut if you are thinking of having the baby i hope that the information is helpful to you.if you decide not to then please make sure you get proper counselling as either way ts a decision that will change the rest of your life so you need to make sure that you make the decision for you and nobody else.good luck and let us know how you get on.i miscarried wen i was 19, had 2st child when i was 20 and second at 21 and live in norfolk.

Original poster
lucyw19 · 18/09/2006 17:44

i have no idea what to do right now, my mind all over the place and i cant see myself making a decision on my own. my bf wants it, and keeps saying but thats makes it just as hard.

Im not very good with commitment, and i worry making the wrong decision could effect the baby or my life... =/

OP posts:
mumandlovingit · 18/09/2006 17:45

when i fell pregnant for the second time my parents weren't over the moon, especially as id broken up from my partner at the time.they supported me though and have loved both my children from the day they were born, infact my mother was there at my first childs birth.yes, your parents might be disappointed at first, you're still their baby to them and they wont you to do well in life and have a great future but thre's no reason that you cant do everything you wanted and have a baby as well. a friend has a baby and then studied after and is now working on the maternity ward at the local hospital as some sort of nurse who helps the midwives?? it can hapen, its up to you what path your life takes. dont let anyone make yu feel pressured either way.