Im 18, have fallen pregnant. I dont know what the right decision is, can anyone help?

[lucyw19]

I 18, i dont know what to do, HELP!!!

Very few people regret having a baby and there never is exactly the right time for it. Do you feel committed to your boyfriend? Would you marry him for example?
No reason a baby should stop you doing the psychology degree or midwifery course. I went back to work 2 weeks after our first child was born full time and the care of the child is the father's responsibility as much as the mother's. He sounds very committed which is great.

I think the idea you ask your GP to find you someone to talk everything through is the best one. Also no massive rush over this to decide, is there, at 5 weeks. Good luck.

Im not very good with the word marriage, i find it hard to get around, i think cos my parents broke upp, i love him but we;re good how we are.

I think it depends on how much your total household income is to how much they pay if any. i think its if your total income is less than about £15,000 they help you out. There are also payment schemes too where you can pay it off monthly. They seem to be pretty good.

When i told my papents i was really scared. I told my mum by text cos i was so scared but she was brilliant!! i thought she would be a monster. I met up with her that evening and talked about it with her and she has been supportive of everything ever since. My dad shouted at me, but once the shock wore off he calmed down. He was just worried about how i was gunna cope financially but once we had covered all areas he was ok about it.
Me and my ex were renting already so when my ex moved out i applied for housing benefit to pay for the rent and council tax benefit to pay council tax. I was quite lucky in that respect that i didn't have to move around or plead with the council for a decent place to live.
Maybe you would qualify for housing benefit if you will have a low income between you and a baby. You should look into that. In my opinion that is an easier way to find a place as you have to be on council lists for years and get points and you dont get to choose where you live. With this, you find somewhere to rent that accept dss and apply for housing benefit. But you need to enquire into whether you would qualify first

sallystrawberry,

Ur situation sounds like mine, my parents are middle class and yes they arnt together btut hey still believe in those values which u said.

I was thinking mayb if me and my partner moved out, it would cost to much as we dont have amazing paid jobs. so we have to look for council, which my parents also wont be hapy about!! im not particually either, which i no is awful but uno when ur brought up in that way lllaalala!!

i havent been acceoted on the midwifery course no, i may apply the yr after.
ill be 19 in december, not that it amkes a huge difference but.. it seems most ppl are 19..

wb x

i was thinking mayb if i could a place to rent, then aplied, but its paying for it at first isnt it. i may have a look into it, cos i dont want to live in an awful counicl place.

Do u have to stop working u get the housing benifit??

Have u any idea where i can look into it??

thanku for ur advice

wb

I think the best place to ask about it is the council. Go to your nearest council office. Explain your situation and what your rough total income would be if you wasnt working and then ask if they could tell you a rough estimation of benefits you would be entitled to. If you are entitled to housing benefit, once you find somewhere that accepts dss and move in, the landlord will know you are waiting for housing benefit to be processed so they will expect it to take a couple of months. But then you will probably be asket to pay a month in advance and a deposit to cover this period. You would also probably need a guarentour for the landlord to fall back on to get payment from if you was unable to pay the rent at any particular time. You would also have to find the rest of the rent that the housing benefit doesn't cover. i dont know how they work out your benefits if one person is still working so i cant help much on how much your looking at paying out. This way in my opinion is easier, but i suppose it all depends on how much benefits you are entitled to. I hated the thought of ending up in a coulcil place. I know you can get nice places, but knowing my luck, there would be no way i was gunna be offered anything decent.

i think i will look inot that, cos i no if u dont work they pay for all off it.

thatk you very much for ur help.

Where abouts are you in uk??

wb

Im in dartford in Kent. Where abouts are you?

I had my LO when I was 14 & kept on with my education. I graduated last year & am now studying again for a professional qualification - so it is possible, just hard work, but well worth it if it's what you want to do. When I was at uni there seemed to be plenty of older students & students with children & they seem to be pretty supportive of people with children or who even became pregnant during the course.

Regarding marriage - I'm still with my OH but we're not married. I think if we were forced to get married we may not have lasted as long. Even if you think you'd like to marry your partner in the future don't feel you have to rush into it now just to keep other people happy because you're pregnant.

Only you, with some help with your partner can decide what's best to do.

I had my LO when I was 14 & kept on with my education. I graduated last year & am now studying again for a professional qualification - so it is possible, just hard work, but well worth it if it's what you want to do. When I was at uni there seemed to be plenty of older students & students with children & they seem to be pretty supportive of people with children or who even became pregnant during the course.

Regarding marriage - I'm still with my OH but we're not married. I think if we were forced to get married we may not have lasted as long. Even if you think you'd like to marry your partner in the future don't feel you have to rush into it now just to keep other people happy because you're pregnant.

Only you, with some help with your partner can decide what's best to do.

im in east anglia, Im looking at properties atm, all under £500.

I feel better when im in control of things uou no, atm living at home i dont pay rent so it';ll be a shock. but will they help if ur pregnant or do u have to of had the baby??

sorry about all the questions.

wb

Yeah i think, i will get amrried when im ready, whihc im not at the moment. im happy about all the advice ive had today, and im hoping things will work out.

im just tired and feel lack of control.

thanku very much

Thats ok.ask as many as you need. I think although they migght be able to give you information and rough ideas of benefits for when babys born, they may not actually be much help whilst your pregnant. My sis has a 4 month old baby. she split up with her partner 3 months ago. She found somewhere, got benefits sorted and was moved in within 2 months.

So even if you have to wait until baby is born and stick it out with yours or his parents for a couple of months, You can concentrate on saving as much as you can and plan in advance and get all forms ready for benefits for when baby is born and even look for properties. It will be very stressful moving when just having a baby but im sure you and your partner would be able to do it.

so u dont think it would be a good idea, moving now and paying for a few months untill the babys born and then getting benifits??

co si no we wouldnt be able to save as much but at least we'd have the place sorted, and then when i stop working ill have the benifits pay for the flat..

wb

Lucy, we are slightly different in that I was 19 when I got pg with DD (planned pregnancy) but I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to become a stereotype if you have a baby at 18 (you know, council house, only had the baby for the benefits, blah, blah, total crap but there you go). My daughter is now 4 and we have BOTH just started school . I'm at college doing an Access course so that I can go on to a nursing degree. I won't lie to you and tell you that it's easy to back to it when you have kids, it IS harder and it would have been much easier to do it all pre-kids, but it IS possible. You have be dedicated. Just because you become a mother does not mean that all your ambitions should die. There are lots of 'mature students' on here, and we all find it a struggle but it IS worth it.

Only you know whether having a baby is the right decision (often not even you can be 100% sure). I've had a termination and it was horrible, but I know in my heart of hearts that it was the right decision at the time (although I still have moments of 'what if' 8/9 years on).

There are serious questions to answer - Where will you live ? How will you support the baby ? But at the end of the day your heart will make the decision regardless of the answers to those questions.

Best of luck Lucy.

i think im just in shock and dont feel in control!!

and im not ver good out of control

I think that because your partner will still be working, you will still have to pay some towards the rent each month depending on how much he earns to how benefits are worked out. I cant help with that as i dont have any experience of that. I only know as a single mum. I think the first thing you should do next week is go to the council and speak to an advisor. they will know what kind of benefits you are looking at

but if i just put my name on the housing thing??

I no its awful looking at it like that but, its beeter to be idependent like that cos if he wnet then, i wouldnt be left in the lurch!!
wbx

Hi Lucy, I can't add much to the great advice on this thread already given, but have you been to your local Housing Advice Centre to talk to them about your housing options yet?

I was just 14 when I fell prg. with Georgie. I was so scared. I was really good at school, doing my gcse's early and getting level 8 in my sats and i thought I was going to have to drop out comlpetely. My boyfriend was 19 and not at school so I could leave her with him while I went to school and completed my education. My parents were a great help, and paid for me to move into a flat with him. I am now 18, with two kids, Georgie and Charlie, and have another one on the way...
What I'm trying to say is that it can turn out ok! Just take a deep breath and talk it out with everyone close to you!

Molesworth ;-

No i havent all ive done is got a form for the housing thing, for the council.
I dont know what else i could do.

one seems loads for me, but if u can deal with two and a third on the way thats amazing.

I think i just worry about the trival things, that can be helped.

thanku for the advice

There should be a housing advice place where you can actually go and talk to a housing officer about your situation, but tbh it might be better to go to the citizens advice bureau first for impartial advice on the practical stuff.

Really glad you have found mumsnet - whenever you need support or someone to talk to you can come here