Im 18, have fallen pregnant. I dont know what the right decision is, can anyone help?

[lucyw19]

I 18, i dont know what to do, HELP!!!

lol....asking as i am going to see if I can narrow down help in your area, instead of random sites.

okay thankyou.

Me and my partner were going to come to asutralia nxt yr. I have family thier

Hello, well you came to the right place for some advice, welcome to mumsnet. Brook are very good and will be kind if you call them and so are
BPAS

I do think you should talk about this as much as you need to to decide what you want to do. Either way, I do think your life will be ok and your parents will have to accept whichever decision you make, please don't make it on the basis of their opinion because this needs to be YOUR decision. Partner has a right to an opinion but imo it's up to YOU and you alone.

By the way, I was pregnant at 19, had a termination and it was absolutely the right thing for me at the time. It didn't affect me at all but then, at the time I didn't think I ever wanted children. I then went on to have a child when I was 30, and then another termination at 33 (which was much harder since I knew what it was like to have a child and I loved the father but it was complicated, it was still 100% the right thing for me at the time) and I then had another child when I was 37. So I know what it's like to take both courses of action both before being a mother and after. Good luck with making your decision and you have got some time: up to 12 weeks termination is relatively simple (I'm NOT saying it's easy but hey, neither's parenthood).

lucy, where in Oz?

Thank you,

the advice has been great but like u say its my choice, which is sooo hard.

I relaly dont know what to do for the best.

I dont have massive plans for my life, and mayb having a baby will help me figure out exactly what i wnat and make me complete.

sydney, i dont know exactly where but thats what we wanted to do.

what ever you decide, there is always someone around here. We have been there and will offer any support we can. Anytime...night or day...

sydney is lovely. I'm in adelaide.

FWIW, you can travel, quite happily with a baby if that's what you shuld decide! x

When i first joined on here earlier today, i thouht i wouldnt get any messages lol..

I don't think a baby will help you figure out what to do with your life or make you complete though.I think it will be bloody hard work for the most incredible reward but this may or may not be the right time for you. Why does your gp think you may have trouble conceiving btw? If this is your absolute only chance then that should be taken into consideration I think.

I can't find much else. WWW has come up with a different one. I have to put too much info in to get it to search uk sites...i think i'm overloading it! If this keeps you awake I will be on in 7 hours...will look out for you.

Must go to bed, keep your head up...keep posting x

i dont no if it will complete my life but it could.

apparently theirs somthign wrong with my ovulation.

but tbh it cant be that bad, some ppl try forever.

i am lucky in a way cos my employee knows and she says ill alwyas have a job and if i need to take the baby to work thst fine.

but whoknows how long that will last, can u live with out working??

x

its only 4:30 pm here so i should be on in 7 hours =]

thank for ur help sandcastles

sleep weel x

Have you tried connexions? Think there is one is any major city/town.

my god daughter was kicked out of home last year (not for being pg, diff reasons) she was put into a B&B, then temp accomodation and now has her own place, a 1 bed flat. That was all without babies. You will have to go to places you don't want to if you want to get a home. She was rehomed in less than a year to her permanent residence, btw.

i dindt no they could help with housing .. ill have a look!!

Thanku x

I think WWW's advice is excellent.

I do think that should you eventually opt for a termination, you should not feel guilty about it.

All the advice is a big help, thank you

Hi Lucyw just been reading through the thread. I fell pregnant when i was 19. I had been with my dp for 1 1/2 years and although i wasn't ready for a baby and we as a couple wasnt ready for a baby, we kept him anyway. I had to give up my full time job as it wasn't financially beneficial for me to stay there with costs of nurseries and although my dp said after a few months he would give up his job and stay at home whilst i went back to work as i was earning more money, once he realised how much hard work a baby was he soon changed his mind.
But having our son put a lot of pressure on our relationship. We ended up splitting up after our son was a year as he had 2 affairs and he hasn't seen him since.
I don't mean to make it all seem like doom and gloom as its not like this in many situations. But you have to look at all outlooks and prepare yourself. I never did this and i never thought he would do some of the things he did to me but it made me realise what kind of person he was. At the time he thought having a baby would be great! But when it came to it he just couldn't handle it. He helped with nothing at all. He just couldn't cope with the responsibility.
But although all that happened, i am so happy now. I live with my son in a 2 bed house and am starting an open university course from home next month to get a psychology degree.
Dont make rash desisions, but think of every possibility as it doesn't always work out the way you intend

I wanted ot do a psychology degree, is it costing you a lot?

Do you work at all???

Do u get more money if u work less hours??

my partner, i no he would never leave, hes so settled and we had the time apart to do our own thing then got bk together.
So im not worried about that too much.

But i appriciate what ur saying, i dont know if im ready but im doing everything as if im having the baby.

what do u think

wb x

Do you trust your sis not to tell your mum?

oh yeah, she wouldnt say anything. I will tell her when she comes bk form holiday anyway!

x

Because im a single mum i get all my fees paid for otherwise it would of cost me £500 odd quid just for level 1! I cant do it at college as the governemnt wouldn't pay any money towards child care costs for my son while im there. They will if i work, but then if i work, my benefits get cut! so its just a circle. I hate not working. ive looked into it but its just not financially worth it for me.

At least your preparing yourself for keeping the baby. I think thats a good thing. although at the time it was probably the wrong thing for me to keep our baby, but i am so so glad i did as i dont know what i'd do without him now.
The main things i was worried about was money and support. My ex is no support what so ever, but my son is better off without him if he cant be bothered. but my mum and dad are great. and although money is a struggle, i manage. My son never goes without and thats the main thing. Im trying to get into ebay trading to make some extra money for myself too. If you need money that much, you can always find ways to get it

lucy I think you should tell your parents. Your sister, you've said, is a bit resentful - so sooner or later she is likely to tell them. Your employer knows, your boyfriend's parents - your parents are likely to find out. They will be upset but even more upset if they don't hear it from you. They will get over it and whatever decision you make they will want to be there for you.

One thing I read elsewhere - imagine you have miscarried. How do you feel? If your immediate reaction is relief then perhaps it is better not to have the baby. If you are horrified at the suggestion then keep the baby.

How about if u have apartner, do u get it paid for u then too??

My partners going to work, and i was planning to but ppl say its not alwasys worth it.

What were ur folks liek when they first found out??

did u apply for housing???

thats what we are doing?

wbxx

yeha thats a way to lok at it, i just want to have a house etc sorted b4 i have my baby uno...
but that may not happen.

I will tell my mum, but shes away atm... i didnt wnat to wreck her holiday!