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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

236 replies

Jojaney · 13/07/2014 22:41

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 14/07/2014 17:07

some people are being deliberately obtuse.

of course its values not fact. as are clothes and weddings. The whole set up is exactly about conforming entirely. Hence get the brides view on it.

If you dont think its taboo, you must have been living under a rock somewhere because body hair is probably the biggest social taboo with regards to appearance i can think of.

I dont agree that it SHOULD be, but it is

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 17:07

yes, people are mainly worried about sexual hair

CaptChaos · 14/07/2014 17:08

This is all very interesting.

Women like me:

Make outfits look shit.
Are ungroomed.
Are up their own arses.

and should be forced/shamed into shaving their armpits.

Nope, not abusive at all!

FWIW, I am generally extremely well turned out and well groomed for special occasions. I manage this quite happily while having a tash, armpit and leg hair and unkempt fanjo hair.

Body hair isn't a taboo, it's a norm. If this is going to cause such a stir due to it's breaking of social norms, then asking a teenager to be a bridesmaid probably wasn't a good idea in the first place, as they have a habit of doing that.

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 17:10

oh ffs, capt chaos dont be fucking ridiculous. I already said its about the wedding and not about armpit hair in general

BrokenButNotFinished · 14/07/2014 17:12

But what is the removal of sexual hair actually saying about adult women? That we should look girlish? Does that mean unthreatening??

Who are we threatening to? Is it men?? Or is actually other women...?

Lottiedoubtie · 14/07/2014 17:14

Quite apart from aesthetic appeal, I have noticed that if I don't shave my armpits then I smell a hell of a lot worse in hot weather and get less wear out of my clothes, as they get pit stains and smell a bit even after washing. This is WITH anti-perspirant. Therefore, shaving can simply be a practical choice if it's going to be warm where you are.

If this was true we'd be telling men and boys to shave there arm pits. Or more to the point, they'd be doing it of their own accord.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 17:16

Here's one, brd:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1749199-Bra-intervention-have-I-got-this-right

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 14/07/2014 17:16

I chose bridesmaids as the females I love and wanted with me on my wedding day. I didn't require them to do any grooming they didn't want to because being the bride wouldn't have given me the right to dictate that sort of thing. Mind you, we didn't have a photographer because I didn't want to spend the day posing.

I work with teenage girls. The amount of effort and money they are expected to expend on beautifying themselves is depressing. I was a teenager in the 90s and in my circle, girls wore scuffed Doc Martens, frayed jeans and chipped black nail varnish. We saved our money for cider, not manicures. I'd hate to be a teenage girl now.

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 17:17

some of them should once in a while tbh to keep fresh if theyre naturally stinky.
I think more men would if it wasnt seen as ultimately feminine

zzzzz · 14/07/2014 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptChaos · 14/07/2014 17:22

oh ffs, capt chaos dont be fucking ridiculous. I already said its about the wedding and not about armpit hair in general

I am not being fucking ridiculous, thanks. I was merely pointing out what some people, including you, had said about women with body hair. I am not the one saying that a young woman who doesn't shave her armpits is going to ruin a wedding by looking shit in her outfit, am I?

KneeQuestion · 14/07/2014 17:23

I see the OP has not been back. I stand by my phone in question comment.

Watch the Wright show tomorrow people!

I currently have hairy legs, a full 'bush', but I shaved my arm pits in the shower today [hadn't done for a little while], because it is a hot day and I knew I would sweat a lot, having hairy pits makes that worse.

I don't believe this issue wouldn't have cropped up already with a 14 yr old.

OnlyLovers · 14/07/2014 17:24

'yes a bridesmaids dress with full on hairy armpits is going to potentially look shit.' That's just your opinion. Others might not, judging by this thread at least, give a flying one.

'If you dont think its taboo, you must have been living under a rock somewhere'

That's just silly.

HenriettaTurkey · 14/07/2014 17:24

Really depressed reading this.

Maybe op is genuine; maybe not. But a lot of the posters are. I am currently pregnant & we don't know if it's a boy or girl. Either way, when (s)he's 14, it will be his/her call what bodily hair to shave. Or not.

I'd be really proud to have a daughter that stood up to this ridiculousness.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/07/2014 17:31

I'm sure OP is a troll. Don't believe every poster on this thread who advocates ripping or cutting the hair off a child is though.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/07/2014 17:37

Quite apart from aesthetic appeal, I have noticed that if I don't shave my armpits then I smell a hell of a lot worse in hot weather and get less wear out of my clothes, as they get pit stains and smell a bit even after washing. This is WITH anti-perspirant. Therefore, shaving can simply be a practical choice if it's going to be warm where you are.

Well my dh smells just fine thanks Confused

do you think all men stink?

PlumpPartridge · 14/07/2014 17:39

If this was true we'd be telling men and boys to shave there arm pits. Or more to the point, they'd be doing it of their own accord.

Not sure if you meant to imply that I'm a liar or not Hmm in my experience the above is true. I agree that boys and men would benefit from shaving and consequently reducing their smelliness though!

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/07/2014 17:40

Oh and I lived in a area that regularly had 100 degree temperatures. Didn't notice all the blokes around me wandering around stinking.

Hair is there for a purpose.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/07/2014 17:41

Placebo stink removal

HenriettaTurkey · 14/07/2014 17:51

Exactly, FedUp.

Lottiedoubtie · 14/07/2014 18:08

I wasn't implying you were lying as such but perhaps socialised into believing this type of myth. Fedup is right it's a placebo that makes many women feel better about themselves.

As I said upthread I do shave my own armpits, just as I conform in many other ways to what women are 'supposed' to do.

I am still uncomfortable about why women feel the way they do and the reasons society pushes these new 'norms' on us. I appreciate the bridesmaid is probably fictional however, I do applaud her fictional bravery and think she should be left in fictional peace.

Isitmylibrarybook · 14/07/2014 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 14/07/2014 18:19

Isitmylibrarybook - a lot of 'traditional' features of female attractiveness are related to child-like-ness; big eyes, blonde hair, lack of body hair... read into that what you will.

KneeQuestion · 14/07/2014 18:41

a lot of 'traditional' features of female attractiveness are related to child-like-ness; big eyes, blonde hair, lack of body hair

...and lots aren't; large breasts, shapely hips, bottoms and thighs. All supposed markers of fertility, which is most definitely not 'childlike'

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 14/07/2014 18:55

True; fertility/youth markers. Male 'attractive features' probably not such a mix though.