under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

[Jojaney]

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I found the people who feel a wedding is a staged event all about getting photos of people dressed how you tell them even more staggering!

[blanklook]

IF she decides to go bare for the day, please could I suggest she has a trial run a few weeks beforehand? My first attempt at shaving resulted in razor burn that lasted for days. My first attempt using removal cream also resulted in a very red and itchy rash. In both cases I was in pain and in tears.

The Bridesmaid needs to be comfortable on the day, whatever her choice, I hope she has a lovely time.

[mathanxiety]

I am of the opinion that it's her choice to shave or not to shave 99.9% of the time.

The remaining time would be the wedding.
You surrender your right to wear what you please (turn up in jeans and wellies, etc) when you sign on to being a bridesmaid, and that frequently involves not looking one bit natural, (or even attractive when you look at the photos five years later).

When you accept the honour of being a bridesmaid you accept the need to turn up looking like a bridesmaid. You wear whatever dress and shoes the bride expects you to wear and you line up in the photos and smile. It's not just asking someone to do something randomly for someone else's benefit. The OP is asking the DD to observe the conventions related to appearance of women at a wedding.

Going with hairy pits would be an unconventional choice of appearance. Unconventional appearance (or remarkable behaviour) at a wedding takes attention from the bride. So when at a wedding, suck it up, and you can have hairy pits again in a week.

[OnlyLovers]

The comparison of shaved or hairy armpits to 'jeans and wellies' just isn't a meaningful one, IMO. A more meaningful one might be flats or heels for women: there is still (IMO) an expectation for women to wear heels at 'dressy' events, and/or a belief that heels are 'smarter' or just look nicer; but flats are not unacceptable or taboo and don't, really do they, distract attention from the bride?

As a bit of an aside, I find it deeply distasteful and, if I can come over all Nancy Mitford for a minute, vulgar, this notion that the bride is and must be the CENTRE of EVERYONE'S attention the WHOLE of her wedding day. I mean, no one is allowed to behave like this in any other circumstances past the age of about two. And what about the groom?

Honestly, if I were getting married and even noticed that my bridesmaid had hairy armpits I'd just think I wasn't having enough fun. Don't brides have nicer things to think about on their wedding day?

[Bonsoir]

I agree with others - being a bridesmaid is a decorative role. If your DD doesn't want to look decorative, which entails, by definition, a high level of personal grooming including removal of underarm hair, she must decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid.

It is not about her and she is therefore not free to choose!

[OnlyLovers]

decorative, which entails, by definition, a high level of personal grooming including removal of underarm hair

I'd love to see where this is enshrined in law/carved in stone.

Also, I've never got married but I think what I'd want first and foremost from any bridesmaids would be their company and to share a lovely day. I'd choose my closest friends and them looking 'decorative' to this degree just wouldn't be as important as them being at my side and having a wonderful time with me and my partner.

If you want decorative, perhaps it's possible to hire professional bridesmaids who will wear/groom/pose/behave themselves precisely as the bride wishes.

[roundandround51]

There is a video of a family wedding that exists where I am, at 12 years of age, happily bopping around with my hairy armpits in the air. I remember I got one or two comments and I remember for years after I was mortified when anyone brought the video out. My mother should have either steered me away from sleeveless or encouraged me to shave,

OP if your DD is taking a Caitlin Moran esque principled approach, fair enough and bully for her. However, if she is just clueless then I would have a word.

I cant really see how underarm hair could ruin a photo, unless its so long that it peers out like a rabbits tail

[roundandround51]

longtimelurking

Body hair may be natural but it is not accepted as such in society. You can go against that and dare to bare but you would want to be confident in your choice.

Personally I don't like body hair - but then again I am lasered all over - apart from my bikini line, its back to the 70's in that area !

[OnlyLovers]

round, IMO the people who commented ought to have been shamed and made to apologise to you publicly. I think their responses say much more about them than anything else. I find it so sad to think of a 12-year-old 'happily bopping around' (emphasis on 'happily') and having the wind taken out of their sails by rude comments that hurt enough for the video and the memory to stop being a happy one and become mortifying.

Your mother should have kicked their arses, IMO, not 'steered you away' from anything.

'body hair ... is not accepted as such in society'. It just isn't as black and white as that. I've been out in public with hairy armpits/legs and no one has thrown stones or accused me of being a witch, or displayed any other kind of behaviour that would suggest that it is straightforwardly 'not accepted'.